OP here. I did email my wife to suggest again that she go. But I guess I won't press the issue if she is set on staying, despite how fun it would be to have her and our daughter together at the Christmas reunion (even with the downsides that people mentioned)

Honestly OP people are being ridiculous.

If both you and your wife are fine with the plan then go.

You can do a celebration with your baby before or after.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just keep your plan the way it is. You’ll be able to spend a wonderful holiday with your extended family without having to accommodate a baby’s needs and schedule. Your wife can relax at home with the baby and celebrate Christmas with her family. You can Skype every day.

+1 and I am DW.
I would totally prefer to spend Christmas with my baby and parents rather than traveling abroad with 1 y.o. to see ILs or staying home with unhappy DH.
Have to add that we are atheists and Christmas is just another holiday.

Yeah... and if I convince her to go, and we get stuck in an airport after cancelled/delayed flights.. she will be blaming me for making her change her mind.

I might just try to have our first Christmas together as a family before I go and try to have a positive attitude about not having to worry about a baby for a week ...

I do feel some resentment toward her though for skipping this reunion. We see her family for literally every holiday.....

The discrepancy between how often you see each side of the family must irk, I’m sure. You mentioned that your wife doesn’t have enough PTO though, yes? And presumably that’s because hers went towards maternity leave? It’s hard to fault her for that.

I think you all should go. The people at the family reunion will love to see the baby and you will get a kick out of seeing how happy your baby makes everyone.

I can’t believe you ever thought your wife and daughter should spend Christmas without you. That would be no bueno at our house.

You need to make your nuclear family your priority. You will regret it if you don't.

I've traveled internationally alone with a 1 year old so you can certainly handle it with your wife along. Expect that everything won't go smoothly and give yourself lots of lead time for every stage of the trip. It'll be fine. Don't be without your newly active and engaged child at Christmas.

Anonymous wrote:For me, Christmas with a new baby was the first major realization that THIS was my family now, not my parents and siblings. Before a baby comes, you can still feel like your own family of origin is “your” family. Now the family priority is the three of you. Set the precedent now, or else you may find yourselves resenting one another.

first, the baby is 13 m.o. and it is not the first Christmas
second, being a family does not mean to do everything together

OP, stick with your plan.

For me, Christmas with a new baby was the first major realization that THIS was my family now, not my parents and siblings. Before a baby comes, you can still feel like your own family of origin is “your” family. Now the family priority is the three of you. Set the precedent now, or else you may find yourselves resenting one another.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not miss Christmas with my wife and child for any reason. They are more important then my extended family and I’d find a way to make it work even if it included cancelling the trip.

+1,000

Your wife and child first, no matter what. At the very least, change your flight so you're home on Christmas Day.

I can't imagine what your wife must feel.

This plan was basically my wife's idea!

Ha! Thanks for pointing this out OP. It was your wife's idea...accept and be grateful that she means what she says. Sounds like you're the one filled with guilt. There are some women out there in the universe that really do mean what they say. Your wife is one of them.

I told my husband that he should go to the Indy 500 on our 1 year wedding anniversary and I meant it. He was teetering because of guilt! I had to assure him so many times that I mean what I say and I did! Saturday was our 18 year wedding anniversary and we forgot! Lol. I found a bottle of Domaines Ott tied with pretty ribbon and a card, on our table.

Me: Oh are we drinking tonight?
Him: We probably should to toast our anniversary!
Me: OMG laughing and kissing his face and apologizing
Him: (laughing so hard) My brother just left me a message to wish us a happy anniversary.

And we toasted to the story of us with our teen son!

Anytime we visit the ILs I'm always, always stuck with the baby while H is busy socializing with his family. I'd feel extremely isolated and unsupported. Even my loving MIL would do very little to help, and I don't begrudge her, b/c she's catching up with family members. But the bottom line remains that there's no upside for me, while the negatives are pretty significant. Having a one year old is very distracting in social settings. Please let go of your resentment of your wife, unless you're willing to share baby duties and give up peaceful meals and uninterrupted conversations with other adults, not to mention sleeps.

Bring the baby and wife- it’s not that difficult to travel with just one baby.

Those are good points too

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just keep your plan the way it is. You’ll be able to spend a wonderful holiday with your extended family without having to accommodate a baby’s needs and schedule. Your wife can relax at home with the baby and celebrate Christmas with her family. You can Skype every day.

+1 and I am DW.
I would totally prefer to spend Christmas with my baby and parents rather than traveling abroad with 1 y.o. to see ILs or staying home with unhappy DH.
Have to add that we are atheists and Christmas is just another holiday.

Yeah... and if I convince her to go, and we get stuck in an airport after cancelled/delayed flights.. she will be blaming me for making her change her mind.

I might just try to have our first Christmas together as a family before I go and try to have a positive attitude about not having to worry about a baby for a week ...

I do feel some resentment toward her though for skipping this reunion. We see her family for literally every holiday.....

I get it, but are you being realistic about how much baby duty you'll do on the trip if she comes? Or will you ask/hope that she go back to room for nap and bedtime while you get to hang out with your family? You know, because "it doesn't make sense for both of us to sit with the baby." How about entertaining the baby during meals, etc. I have walked miles and miles with my kids outside restaurants while my family sat inside at the bar, ate a lesiurely dinner, etc. Will that be you? And don't expect your mom or other relative to do it. BTDT. Promises of help that never fully materialize because she is also enjoying catching up with people.

Honestly, your wife is doing you a favor by giving you this week to enjoy. Your entire family is unlikely to make all their plans around a 13 month old's schedule and needs and.you and/or your wife will end up feeling isolated and annoyed most of the time. Really. I've been there.

Baby is one, you can do Christmas another day and she will not know the difference. Go, have a nice time or better, bring them.