Anonymous wrote:So your husband just expects you to take care of two small children by yourself all morning? I don’t understand why everyone is on team DH. At least one of our kids is generally up by 5. If I let DH sleep in until 8:30 I would expect him to be telling me how amazing and wonderful I am.

So the arrangement rests on the idea that both parents get a morning or multiple mornings to themselves, which is what makes dealing with both children yourself for the other morning(s) worth it. It isn't that you are taking one for the team for DH, its that you guys are alternating the chore.

I think there is also a subset of 5am wake up parents here for whom 8:30 is clearly super sleeping in. The equivalent of a 5am kid's parent sleeping to 8:30 is a 7am kid's parent sleeping until 10:30. And generally for the sake of starting the day and getting going 10:30 is the far and unusual end of our sleep in days. Usually we're up NLT 9:30 but the wake up parent is getting up at 7:30/8.

But as other pp's have said, it also works because its discussed beforehand and expectations are clear. For some people they just always both wake up and no sleep in days. For some people they alternate every day, some people just weekend days. Some people get to sleep to 8, some people to noon. None of it is bad in isolation it just needs to be communicated and agreed upon. For me, being told I was getting a sleep in day and being woken up at 8:30 would feel like BS and make me resentful and more likely to do something similar to my spouse. Whereas being left to myself would make me feel appreciated and more inclined to just take the kids to a park the next morning to get them out of the house so my spouse could relax. This is all about setting expectations and making sure everyone knows what's supposed to be happening so no one ends up resentful. And agreeing on something that meets everyone's needs as well as possible.

Anonymous wrote:I don't blame him. Buy some frozen pancakes and give to kid. Sleeping in means not getting up before 9 am. If you have to nurse--tough as he can't do this. I don't often feel sorry for men but with a wife like you, he needs all the sympathy he can get.

The kicker is that by her own account she'd been up with them since 7 but somehow hadn't fed the kid breakfast yet. Or she had but kid wanted second breakfast and THAT was worth waking up dad for.

Anonymous wrote:Unless we are sick, we both get up but our kids sleep until 7/7:30 and have since babyhood.

So you guys don't trade off sleeping in days and therefore have nothing to contribute to this discussion about couples that do that.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t bug my husband until 1030 on his sleep in days. Sometimes my sleep in days I’m downstairs abt 830 but that’s my choice because I am rested and want to spend the morning as a family going somewhere fun. I’d have poked him awake at 830 for illness or even if we were having an exceptionally terrible morning and I needed help, but otherwise no.

Editednto add our kids are baby and 4yr old and are both up around 8-815 so the “two hour rule” is pretty much in effect

I don’t bug my husband until 1030 on his sleep in days. Sometimes my sleep in days I’m downstairs abt 830 but that’s my choice because I am rested and want to spend the morning as a family going somewhere fun. I’d have poked him awake at 830 for illness or even if we were having an exceptionally terrible morning and I needed help, but otherwise no.

Unless we are sick, we both get up but our kids sleep until 7/7:30 and have since babyhood.

OP I agree with you! We sort of have an unspoken rule that whoever is sleeping in gets about 1.5-2 hours after the kids have woken up. So if the first kid wakes up at 6am, whoever is sleeping in should be up around 8am.

Mainly this is because the kids start to get stir crazy and nuts and we need to leave the house by 9am. We almost always do this as a family, so that's how it goes.

They key is that we sort of agreed this works best for all of us, kids included.

We trade off sleeping in days on weekends. And yes I would be annoyed if it’s my day to sleep in and my husband was sending a kid up to me. “Sleeping in” is generally 8:30-9. You need to set up a time that it’s ok to send a kid to the other parent if they are still in bed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To us-sleep in was as much ‘break from kid responsibilities’ as actual sleep. Ours are older now and the earliest sport commitments are closer to a 10:30 leave time but we gave each other the gift of a morning off each week. Some days it was all sleep-others time to putter at whatever we wanted without a kid on our back. Of course there were weekend
s where one or both days were too busy to do but I would not #1 consider 8:00 a sleep in and #2 talk to set up expectations. (wife here and had 3 under 5 at one point!)

The problem is that her sleep in days are considered to be 8:00am. You’re saying he gets to stay in bed all morning???

She's not properly utilizing her sleep in days. That isn't his fault.

We alternate but the situation is very different. We have one child who is 6, almost 7. We have always done the rotation but with one it is far easier. The parent who is sleeping in can pretty much take the whole morning. DH sleeps in and plays tennis, he has league play or a ladder group, on Sunday. So I have DS until about 1 on my own. I don't sleep in as long as DH does, I am normally up by 7:30 or 8. But I stay in bed and read or play some games on my iPad until 9 or so. If DS has a game in the AM, I'll get up and go.

We also have an understanding that I get to nap on Saturday and Sunday if I want to. I need more sleep then DH and DS really likes it when I am up with him in the mornings. DH has morning duty during the week, I go to work early so I can pick up from school, and DS knows that I don't think it is a problem to make waffles or eggs before school which my DH is far less likely to do. DS has a tendency to visit for a morning snuggle while DH is in the bathroom on my sleep in day. So I get naps.

Anonymous wrote:To us-sleep in was as much ‘break from kid responsibilities’ as actual sleep. Ours are older now and the earliest sport commitments are closer to a 10:30 leave time but we gave each other the gift of a morning off each week. Some days it was all sleep-others time to putter at whatever we wanted without a kid on our back. Of course there were weekend
s where one or both days were too busy to do but I would not #1 consider 8:00 a sleep in and #2 talk to set up expectations. (wife here and had 3 under 5 at one point!)

The problem is that her sleep in days are considered to be 8:00am. You’re saying he gets to stay in bed all morning???

Our kids (3 and 5) are usually up around 5:30. The parent sleeping in usually sleeps about 2-2.5 hours and is up by 8. On days we don't have plans, the early rising parent goes back to bed for about 2-2.5 hours. Otherwise, that parent gets a nap in the afternoon whether or not the kids take a nap.

Generally, the sleeping parent wakes up on their own at the right time. If the sleeping parent needs to be woken up for a good reason (need to get to soccer or a birthday party, way past time the agreed upon sleeping time), there needs to be coffee either brought up to bed or waiting downstairs. We have a box fan going and try to keep the kids out of the places that are too noisy so that parent can actually sleep - bonus points if you get the kids out of the house altogether.

So your husband just expects you to take care of two small children by yourself all morning? I don’t understand why everyone is on team DH. At least one of our kids is generally up by 5. If I let DH sleep in until 8:30 I would expect him to be telling me how amazing and wonderful I am.

I don't blame him. Buy some frozen pancakes and give to kid. Sleeping in means not getting up before 9 am. If you have to nurse--tough as he can't do this. I don't often feel sorry for men but with a wife like you, he needs all the sympathy he can get.

We trade off and the person who is sleeping in sleeps as late as they want. Just because YOU think waking up at 8:00 is sleeping in, doesn't mean he does. What a life.. poor guy.