We don't just do adults only anniversary trips. We've also done a mother-daughter trip to Paris, my husband has gone away with just the boys to a waterpark, I'm planning a mother-son long getaway with my oldest to the desert. Judge away! Sometimes we vacation as a whole family and sometimes we don't. It's all bonding and its all fun.

Do you have kids, OP?

Kids are a wonderful blessing, but also require a tremendous amount of work and attention. Sometimes I just want to say drink and nap and sleep in and have leisurely meals with my husband. Not happening with my kids around!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Vacations are in way perfect for spending more time and connecting with your family, so why many people vacation without their kids? I am not trying to be judging, I want to understand what the thought process.

Because there are things I enjoy, and want to do, that my kids don't want to do, or aren't appropriate for them. And I see no reason why my spouse and I should have to wait 15 years to go wine tasting in Napa, for example.

Our kids stay with their grandparents, and all parties involved love the arrangements.

So, let me ask you - what is difficult to understand about this? Do you have a hard time interacting with your spouse if your kids aren't present? Do you need the kids as a buffer?

Nope. My kids are 20 and 18 now . We have a very strong marriage. Napa is not a necessity and is selfish. I would save that for when the kids are grown.

Do you know delayed gratification? Do you always put yourself first? You can manage without Napa.

I see, so parents should only do things apart from their kids with it is necessary? Never just because they want to? Anything that is just a "want" should be delayed?

Also, please explain the selfish to me. DO you think kids need to be with their all the time? Do you think a child is harmed by staying with someone else - a grandparent, friends, another relative - for a week? Seriously, what is the basis for the thought that this is selfish.

It seems like the entire basis for this is that the children are somehow harmed by the parents taking a vacation by themselves. But, no one can describe what that harm is. Can you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To help facilitate your sanity and marriage. Do it!

Some people do it to escape kids. They have poor coping.

My spouse and I coped very well with dealing on facts/situations/schooling/medical care/family interactions with our kids.

I do think more private time between we adults would have been wiser. There is a big difference between child(ren) relationships and parents and wife/husband relationships. The OP raises a very inciteful question.

I love our trips together as a family and also love our vacations together without the kids. We are lucky to be able to do both and to have grandparents who value the bonding time with the kids without us parents around. But if you don’t want to or can’t do that OP, that’s on you. And I couldn’t care less.

Anonymous wrote:To help facilitate your sanity and marriage. Do it!

Some people do it to escape kids. They have poor coping.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Vacations are in way perfect for spending more time and connecting with your family, so why many people vacation without their kids? I am not trying to be judging, I want to understand what the thought process.

Because there are things I enjoy, and want to do, that my kids don't want to do, or aren't appropriate for them. And I see no reason why my spouse and I should have to wait 15 years to go wine tasting in Napa, for example.

Our kids stay with their grandparents, and all parties involved love the arrangements.

So, let me ask you - what is difficult to understand about this? Do you have a hard time interacting with your spouse if your kids aren't present? Do you need the kids as a buffer?

Nope. My kids are 20 and 18 now . We have a very strong marriage. Napa is not a necessity and is selfish. I would save that for when the kids are grown.

Do you know delayed gratification? Do you always put yourself first? You can manage without Napa.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience these couples end up divorced. I always view it as a sign of weakness. I don't need to go far away to reconnect with DH.

Ha! I’m the opposite. Full pity for couples who can’t do anything without their children.

We do lots of stuff alone. We dont need to leave our kids for a week to do things.

Anonymous wrote:because bringing my young kids on vacation is a severe waste of money. after a day, they start complaining and want to go home- want their bed, their food, their tv, their toys. They truly do not appreciate being away from home. Therefore, it becomes miserable for everyone.

And newsflash- parents are allowed to have their own interests outside their children

Newaflash, they act like that because you rarely take them anywhere. We started vacations when our kids were 3 months olds. They learned it from a young age.

To help facilitate your sanity and marriage. Do it!

Because at this stage of life, vacationing with little kids is basically exactly the same as being at home with little kids, except you are in a strange place where their routine is disrupted and sleep goes to total sh*t. Maybe it’s different for parents with easy going kids, but mine do not adjust well. It is more exhausting than enjoyable. Maybe that’ll change when they are older but right now I come hole feeling like I need a vacation from my vacation.

Remember your honeymoon?

Sex and sleeping whenever, eating leisurely meals without cutting up anyone else’s food, bedtime late or early S you want it. Long showers. Quiet when you want it, uninterrupted adult conversation when you want it. Reconnecting with yourself as an individual, and your spouse as your spouse.

Some of us get that total sacrifice of yourself as a person and the two of you as a couple is not needed to be a good parent.

Anonymous wrote:I think most families do both....and it’s healthy for a marriage.

I think you may mean that those families that have the grandparents/nannies/family members who will watch the kids do both, which I agree with. I don't think there are many families whose only vacations in a single year are without their kids!

Anonymous wrote:We take at least one kid free vacation a year now that my kids go to overnight camp (we don't have grandparents that can take the kids). And last year I started doing solo vacations with a travel group I joined. And we do several family vacations all together. It makes for a very well rounded and happy family life.

Can you recommend your travel group for solo travel?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is more important than being parents. You should always put your marriage first. Obviously kids are a close second. If your marriage falls apart your kids suffer.

I actually don’t want to hike Machu Picchu with my baby and toddler. I can’t imagine the majority of people would? I don’t even want to take them on easy trips like to Western Europe. They get to go to Disney world, a place kids enjoy. Unless OP never goes anywhere adventurous.

Not OP but we saved those adventurous trips for when the kids were older. Not a hardship. Kids aren't young for long.

But dh and I won’t be young then. We want to have the energy to climb and backpack.

Also, we probably won’t ever bring kids on super expensive vacations. Seeing gorillas in Kenya with a guide? I love my kids but they can save for their own expensive vacations with their spouses. I’ll gladly watch my grandkids.

You sound selfish. You could have travelled before having kids.

And you sound like one of those people who make their entire lives about their kids, who has no independent identity, and subordinates her desires to the needs of "the family."

I don't think it's selfish to vacation with a spouse, but maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it is. But I would still rather be "selfish" in that way than live the life you're describing. You do what works for you, though.