"I had an emergency hysterectomy with this one, but if you want to lend me your uterus for a year I'm willing to try."

It isn't the ASKING. It's the TELLING. There's a huge difference. That's the problem.

I don't care if someone asks me. I'm happy to either shrug it off or, if I feel like it, tell them about our struggles just to conceive DD, and the loss and further pain we've suffered in trying to give her a sibling.
What I DON'T appreciate is the people who insist, even when they know our history, that we are depriving DD of something by not giving her a sibling. That is hurtful.
I don't care if you ask, but don't tell me that I'm hurting my DD with something that is completely out of my control.

From this thread is clear to me that people are too sensitive and think they are too important than they really are. If I ask someone whether they are planning on another child (I have done it often), there is ZERO judgement on my part. Frankly I could not care less, but since I have three kids and I meet other moms at playgrounds, the conversation is free goes there. It’s just chit chat! Why would I ever judge a mom of 1,2,3...7 kids? It isn’t my business and I really don’t care. It’s the same as asking how old is your kid, or where does he/she go to school. It never bothered me when people asked me whether I was planning for another or when they would tell me: “wow 3!? You are so brave!” WHO CARES!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get this too, although less now that my son is 6. It will die down as he gets older I'm sure. I'm never offended, especially when someone just asks if we plan to have another. I'm pretty open about my life and would prefer to talk about actual things than a whole lot of nothing.

I DON'T love when people insist my son needs a sibling, and continues the inquiry when I try to politely steer the conversation. Even then though, the person means well and I don't take it personally. But not taking it personally is different than not getting sad. I got teary last time someone asked me and I had just miscarried.

OP here and this is exactly what people are saying when they're telling me I need to have another kid. They think for sure my kid needs a sibling and I just have to provide him with one. That's the part that bothers me--don't assume you know what my family needs. My son has never once expressed interest in having a sibling and even if he wanted one more than anything in the world we are under no obligation to have another child. The ones who say it most are the ones who are constantly complaining about their own kids. It's like they need validation of their own choice and they can get it by judging my choice.

Yes people are insecure and say rude and thoughtless comments but unless its a close family or friend I would just let it run and not give it a second thought. Do you have pets? You can try the line my dog/cat/pet gold fish provides better companionship than a sibling does when they start complaining and change the subject.

“I just had a miscarriage, but if you can figure out how to bring my dead baby back to life, then my son can have a sibling.”

This topic is a sore spot with me. Many rounds of IVF, many losses and many tears have been spilled in my effort to give my DD a sibling. It isn’t easy to listen to your child beg for a sibling and listen to strangers pressing the issue when one’s heart is already so raw. During my last miscarriage I had some guy saying to me in front of my DD, “cmon mom and dad, give her a sibling. You know she wants one.” And my sweet DD looking slightly hopeful.

People, just don’t do this. Also, don’t tell us we’re being too sensitive. That’s just unkind.

They can think your ds needs a sibling. They can even tell you what they think. And you can think he doesn’t. And you can choose that route. Nobody is right or wrong. You don’t have to listen to your friends.

Anonymous wrote:I get this too, although less now that my son is 6. It will die down as he gets older I'm sure. I'm never offended, especially when someone just asks if we plan to have another. I'm pretty open about my life and would prefer to talk about actual things than a whole lot of nothing.

I DON'T love when people insist my son needs a sibling, and continues the inquiry when I try to politely steer the conversation. Even then though, the person means well and I don't take it personally. But not taking it personally is different than not getting sad. I got teary last time someone asked me and I had just miscarried.

OP here and this is exactly what people are saying when they're telling me I need to have another kid. They think for sure my kid needs a sibling and I just have to provide him with one. That's the part that bothers me--don't assume you know what my family needs. My son has never once expressed interest in having a sibling and even if he wanted one more than anything in the world we are under no obligation to have another child. The ones who say it most are the ones who are constantly complaining about their own kids. It's like they need validation of their own choice and they can get it by judging my choice.

Anonymous wrote:My advice us to take it as a compliment. The commentors think you are a good parent and/or like your child. They would like to see more of that in the world. Accept the compliment and accept your situation.

This is absurd. Your advice is useless. Studies show that there are higher depression rates among infertile women when compared to cancer patients. It’s bc of people like you



women in compare

My advice us to take it as a compliment. The commentors think you are a good parent and/or like your child. They would like to see more of that in the world. Accept the compliment and accept your situation.

So, tell those people who are saying that to you, that it caused XYZ and to stop asking you.

I just tell people the truth.. they look horrified at what happened and then never mention it again.

Anonymous wrote:You are all too sensitive.

If someone tells you to have another kid tell them whatever makes you feel best. It’s not a taboo subject. I get some of us are dealing with infertility. Either bring it to friends attention or shrug off the statement with any number of deflections. This is so easy. I get some of you don’t want another kid. Then just say that. Or don’t. Jesus. None of us actually care that much about how many kids you have.

Telling someone to have another kid is an odd thing to do btw. It sounds like someone trying to be funny or trying to give a compliment. Just realize other people are generally good and have good intentions.

You’re an asshole with no empathy to read the whole thread and post that. I’m sure something didn’t work out for you- a parent die while you were young? Fat and can’t get a grip? Mommy tracked? I’m sure none apply, right? But it would be lovely if someone knew your Achilles heel and asked you about it daily because small talk/no one cares/get over yourself.

I physically cannot have another child because of complications during DS' birth. This comment really doesn't bother me. I just say "nope we are happy with 1" and move on.

I got therapy after DS' birth to come to terms with what happened and what impact it had on my hopes (we wanted 2 kids). So maybe that's why these comments don't bother me.

Anonymous wrote:You are all too sensitive.

If someone tells you to have another kid tell them whatever makes you feel best. It’s not a taboo subject. I get some of us are dealing with infertility. Either bring it to friends attention or shrug off the statement with any number of deflections. This is so easy. I get some of you don’t want another kid. Then just say that. Or don’t. Jesus. None of us actually care that much about how many kids you have.

Telling someone to have another kid is an odd thing to do btw. It sounds like someone trying to be funny or trying to give a compliment. Just realize other people are generally good and have good intentions.

Clearly someone who has not dealt with infertility