Anonymous
Post 05/11/2019 17:06     Subject: Rich sister, poor sister
I bet there is a lot more to this story. Even the title is off-putting.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2019 16:14     Subject: Rich sister, poor sister
Anonymous wrote:My sister and I are from an upper-middle class family. We were given the same opportunities. However, we were always very different, despite a 1.5 year difference (I am the youngest). She chose to get married very young and drop out of college sophomore year. I chose to pursue college education, then grad school. I have a good job. She lives paycheck to paycheck. She had 4 kids young, I only have 1 child. Our parents have been financially supporting her family for well over a decade. They have no savings. They've declared bankruptcy before, their house was almost foreclosed too.

Recently she has been saying how she wants her kids to have the same advantages as my son like vacations in Europe, overnight summer camps. She asked me point blank to help with tuition for her 2 oldest kids who she wants to send to a private school and I said no. She is an able bodied woman, her husband is an able bodied man, they live in an area with good public schools. It is not my fault that her husband cannot hold a job, that he gets fired a lot. I also find it terrible that our parents, who are in their mid70s! financially support her.

I am now a black sheep in my family because I said no to her. Our other siblings, whom she has also hit for money, are all aghast "well, is it that hard for you to help her? You only have 1 child!"

Would you have helped her?

NOPE. NO way. I would help with an emergency or maybe even with some experiences like sleep away summer camp or a trip to Disney - something the kids would otherwise never get. Private school for 2 kids??? Are you kidding me? I'm not sure how much you make or if she lives in this area, but you are talking upwards of $60-85,000 EACH year for 2 kids. So unless you are willing to to fork over several million dollars for their elementary and high school education....... Maybe set up 529's for all her kids.


Anonymous
Post 05/10/2019 13:32     Subject: Rich sister, poor sister
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would start a 529 for them but not tell my sister. I would also take each one or two a time to spend time with me. I would try to be as much of a positive influence as I could. I would make sure they have things like a laptop in HS if the school does not provide one. Depending on my financial status, I would send them to an enrichment camp to foster a strength and interest of theirs. I would give no money to my sister, unless it I’d directtlu to a program for her to get a certificate or degree.


I agree--I'd be open to helping out the kids in specific ways, including things like paying for camps related to their interests and talents, or tutoring if necessary, or college funds. But I would not commit to paying private school tuitions for several kids (it's two now, but you know the sister would expect it for the other two eventually) who have the option of attending good public schools.


I would be very hesitant helping the kids because they most likely have the same values as their parents. They’d grow up also expecting handouts and never learn how to be self-sufficient. I know because I experienced this with both my siblings and their children.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2019 13:27     Subject: Re:Rich sister, poor sister
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Help her. Why not. If you can afford it. She is your sister not a stranger. One day you might need help,, not money but what if your husband dies and you are left alone and everyone else will be old and dead and she will be all you have. That little money will be between you two and then it will so not matter.

Why money is everything. Isn't it you guys make it to do good with it? This is your chance to help her children to get ahead in life and one day maybe they will help you .. or not but still. So many people here give to charity to strangers but when a family could be helped the same people raise hell.


You hit the nail on the head. This is very true.


When I give to charity, I decide when and where to do so. And the people I support appreciate it. People like OP’s sister feel that they are owed money by everyone else regardless of circumstances. You help them once, and they start demanding more and more. It never ends. No one said that we shouldn’t help family members, but we can’t jeopardize our financial security for those who make no effort to help themselves.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2019 13:22     Subject: Re:Rich sister, poor sister
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Help her. Why not. If you can afford it. She is your sister not a stranger. One day you might need help,, not money but what if your husband dies and you are left alone and everyone else will be old and dead and she will be all you have. That little money will be between you two and then it will so not matter.

Why money is everything. Isn't it you guys make it to do good with it? This is your chance to help her children to get ahead in life and one day maybe they will help you .. or not but still. So many people here give to charity to strangers but when a family could be helped the same people raise hell.


+1

Thing could change for you OP. Tables turn. Keep your family a priority. My sister became estranged after a money grab from our parents estate. She is very lonely now. Money is not #1.

This is one of the more ridiculous posts I have seen here. Why should OP pay for private schools for her sisters kids? It's not like it's a medical emergency. What's next? A luxury vacation?


If the sister wants the "same opportunities" for her kids as for OP's kid, among those opportunities would be the existence of parents who take responsibility. In fact, that would probably be a more meaningful opportunity than a European vacation.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2019 13:18     Subject: Rich sister, poor sister
Anonymous wrote:If you value your money more than your sister, chose money. Simple. You can make more money, but you can't make another sister.

renting a sister is no fun
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2019 13:12     Subject: Rich sister, poor sister
Anonymous wrote:If you value your money more than your sister, chose money. Simple. You can make more money, but you can't make another sister.


Actually, you can’t always make more money. Circumstances such as illness or disability may decrease your earning potential. Family members, especially those who are irresponsible, are not entitled to your money simply because they share your genes. OP, people like your sister are a black hole of need; they always want more.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2019 12:41     Subject: Re:Rich sister, poor sister
Anonymous wrote:Help her. Why not. If you can afford it. She is your sister not a stranger. One day you might need help,, not money but what if your husband dies and you are left alone and everyone else will be old and dead and she will be all you have. That little money will be between you two and then it will so not matter.

Why money is everything. Isn't it you guys make it to do good with it? This is your chance to help her children to get ahead in life and one day maybe they will help you .. or not but still. So many people here give to charity to strangers but when a family could be helped the same people raise hell.


Eh. Her sister made choices. None of the stuff she is requesting money for is essential to her children's well-being.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2019 11:42     Subject: Rich sister, poor sister
Nope, nope, and nope. She made choices and so did you. My SIL expects everyone else to support her and her kids and is not willing to work to provide for them. IMO you made the right call.
Anonymous
Post 05/04/2019 19:41     Subject: Rich sister, poor sister
I agree I would try to help your nieces and nephews by exposing them to opportunities, possibly setting aside money (in secret) for college, and just letting them see what they can get with hard work.

I might help a sister in this situation if she just had bad luck, or made some bad decisions early but now worked her ass off at a lower paying job or something, but give a bunch of money to two grown adults who just can’t be bothered to work themselves? No.
Anonymous
Post 05/04/2019 17:08     Subject: Re:Rich sister, poor sister
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Help her. Why not. If you can afford it. She is your sister not a stranger. One day you might need help,, not money but what if your husband dies and you are left alone and everyone else will be old and dead and she will be all you have. That little money will be between you two and then it will so not matter.

Why money is everything. Isn't it you guys make it to do good with it? This is your chance to help her children to get ahead in life and one day maybe they will help you .. or not but still. So many people here give to charity to strangers but when a family could be helped the same people raise hell.


+1

Thing could change for you OP. Tables turn. Keep your family a priority. My sister became estranged after a money grab from our parents estate. She is very lonely now. Money is not #1.



Op, every bit of the money your sister wants for her kids needs to go to your kids. Don't take any thing from your kids for a freeloader. That is moeny that your kids should inherit. Your children matter more than your sisters. What an entitled ass.



x100000
Anonymous
Post 05/04/2019 17:01     Subject: Re:Rich sister, poor sister
My brother and SIL are like this. Took 250k of my parents’ retirement to pay off high interest loan for his business. They haven’t paid back a cent ten years later. They live in one of the top 20 towns in the country for public schools and send their kids to private. I insisted they pay me back money I loaned them and they got upset to have to pay me back. They don’t need private school - and if they do, they can work to pay for it.
Anonymous
Post 05/04/2019 16:33     Subject: Re:Rich sister, poor sister
Anonymous wrote:Help her. Why not. If you can afford it. She is your sister not a stranger. One day you might need help,, not money but what if your husband dies and you are left alone and everyone else will be old and dead and she will be all you have. That little money will be between you two and then it will so not matter.

Why money is everything. Isn't it you guys make it to do good with it? This is your chance to help her children to get ahead in life and one day maybe they will help you .. or not but still. So many people here give to charity to strangers but when a family could be helped the same people raise hell.


Op's relationship with her sister will be ruined whether she gives the money or not. We see posters debating helping family members for rent and more important things. This situation is ridiculous. Op don't give a penny and distance yourself from your family for a bit.
Anonymous
Post 05/04/2019 16:31     Subject: Re:Rich sister, poor sister
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Help her. Why not. If you can afford it. She is your sister not a stranger. One day you might need help,, not money but what if your husband dies and you are left alone and everyone else will be old and dead and she will be all you have. That little money will be between you two and then it will so not matter.

Why money is everything. Isn't it you guys make it to do good with it? This is your chance to help her children to get ahead in life and one day maybe they will help you .. or not but still. So many people here give to charity to strangers but when a family could be helped the same people raise hell.


+1

Thing could change for you OP. Tables turn. Keep your family a priority. My sister became estranged after a money grab from our parents estate. She is very lonely now. Money is not #1.



Op, every bit of the money your sister wants for her kids needs to go to your kids. Don't take any thing from your kids for a freeloader. That is moeny that your kids should inherit. Your children matter more than your sisters. What an entitled ass.
Anonymous
Post 05/03/2019 19:39     Subject: Rich sister, poor sister
Anonymous wrote:What a terrible attitude she has.

I could imagine helping a relative in need, but not someone who thinks it's their due.



x100000