Anonymous wrote:Honestly I find it really really annoying but I would never tell anyone this.

Why? I really don't get this. Some people I know found out, a few did not. It's nothing to me either way. Some people want to know, some want to be surprised. Why would this bother anyone? I've never heard anyone complain that a couple DID find out the sex; it's only ever people who don't find out who get labelled as annoying or pretentious or whatever. I honestly cannot understand why anyone cares. People could be obnoxious about it, I suppose, but people can be obnoxious about learning the gender, too. That's a totally separate issue.

All of this is just small talk. Asking what the sex is is the same as people asking if the baby is kicking or if you have a name picked out. Then when you have the baby, you’ll be asked all starts of different small talk questions like is the baby sleeping or people remarking that the baby is so big or so small or so tall or looks like you.

Honestly I find it really really annoying but I would never tell anyone this.

Anonymous wrote:You're blowing their reactions out of proportion.

You told them you aren't finding out, and they responded by saying, "I could never do that. I'm a planner." NBD.

What response did you want?

"That's awesome!"

What if someone told you they were flying to Africa next week but didn't plan to do any research or book a hotel. A reasonable response might be, "I couldn't do that. I'm a planner."

They aren't judging you. They're merely responding as part of a conversation.

I'm sure you will feel similarly judged or interpret harsh reactions when people offer unsolicited advice or commentary. Brace yourself.

Hardly. People who say "I couldn't do that, I'm a planner" is not judgmental, at least not to me. (Although comparing it to flying to Africa without doing any research or booking a hotel is ridiculous.
There was nothing we were not able to prepare for, well in advance, despite not knowing what genitalia our kid had.) But people sometimes had other reactions--real annoyance that we weren't finding out, accusing us of knowing and not telling, and claims that we were just trying to special or attention-seeking. Look at the posts here, claiming that people who don't find out are obnoxious, pretentious, etc. People absolutely do judge this decision, and some of them express it in fairly impolite ways, and it's nonsense. I have no problem blowing off unsolicited advice or commentary, but it's silly to pretend that people don't offer it, and that it's sometimes annoying.

You're blowing their reactions out of proportion.

You told them you aren't finding out, and they responded by saying, "I could never do that. I'm a planner." NBD.

What response did you want?

"That's awesome!"

What if someone told you they were flying to Africa next week but didn't plan to do any research or book a hotel. A reasonable response might be, "I couldn't do that. I'm a planner."

They aren't judging you. They're merely responding as part of a conversation.

I'm sure you will feel similarly judged or interpret harsh reactions when people offer unsolicited advice or commentary. Brace yourself.

I had 3 & we never found out. No strong reactions but I absolutely would have ignored if there were!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really hard to find gender neutral gifts and buying baby clothes is usually fun. Buying gender neutral baby clothes is not really fun. And, people who keep from learning the gender or keep their preferred names secret are usually pretty obnoxious. Sorry op

False. People who have elaborate gender reveal parties are usually pretty obnoxious. If you're going to make a cake, I'll eat cake, but let's not pretend that I care about your unborn baby's genitalia.

Are gender reveal parties actually a thing? I have never been to one. I have seen gender reveal Facebook posts that are elaborate.

They sure are. I'd never heard of them until a few years ago, my response being wtf. I've only been to one (I'm old, the parents could be my kids, the mom's parents both died young and the dad's parents are dysfunctional criminals so basically they don't have parents); theirs involved an elaborate protocol so the PARENTS learned the gender at the party (I think a SIL had the envelope with the secret, it's probably a new perk of the OB-GYN). I don't know when the trend was invented--didn't someone have to be the first?

Anonymous wrote:Funny, I found it was the baby boomers who were sort of excited that we were not finding out and all my Gen X friends who were "OMG I could NEVER do that I need to plan!"

We had the same experience. We didn't make a big deal out of it, but if someone asked the sex and we said we didn't know, older people tended to think that was great (except for a few relatives who were slightly annoyed because they wanted to buy gendered baby clothes), while younger people were more likely to claim that they would be unable to prepare for a baby unless they knew the sex in advance. I had one younger cousin who was convinced that we knew and weren't telling, and made a big thing out of it, which was weird.

Funny, I found it was the baby boomers who were sort of excited that we were not finding out and all my Gen X friends who were "OMG I could NEVER do that I need to plan!"

People who assign motives to why you're doing something or not doing something are generally dopes. Just do you, OP.

People were really miffed when we did find out the sex. Apparently we “ruined” the surprise

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really hard to find gender neutral gifts and buying baby clothes is usually fun. Buying gender neutral baby clothes is not really fun. And, people who keep from learning the gender or keep their preferred names secret are usually pretty obnoxious. Sorry op

Hi, welcome to 2019. Have you met the Internet? It's pretty great. If you use this search engine called "Google" and type in gender-neutral baby clothes, a huge array of options at nearly all price points will be presented to you. Wowie, zowie! Did I just blow your mind?

I don’t find buying baby clothes on the internet fun. It’s the one thing that I still enjoy buying in the store. This is just my opinion, other people can think whatever. I’m just giving op another perspective. Maybe her MIL is not super savvy about shopping on the internet. Maybe someone has some special gendered baby item they want to give to her. Who knows?

In my experience, the people who don’t find out or keep baby names secret etc. tend to be people who want to draw attention to themselves and their “special” choices.

This. It's the "unconventional" parents looking for a reaction from others, another attention seeking method, and OP is successful in making a non-event ("we don't know") into an occasion ("we are so special we decided that we want a big surprise at birth"). I know the gender because of IVF, nobody gives a damn. It's just small talk, if you're not fixated on it, nobody will get fixated.

largely agree though the occasion here becomes not finding out he gender but rather abuse one supposedly suffers from others who can’t let it go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really hard to find gender neutral gifts and buying baby clothes is usually fun. Buying gender neutral baby clothes is not really fun. And, people who keep from learning the gender or keep their preferred names secret are usually pretty obnoxious. Sorry op

Hi, welcome to 2019. Have you met the Internet? It's pretty great. If you use this search engine called "Google" and type in gender-neutral baby clothes, a huge array of options at nearly all price points will be presented to you. Wowie, zowie! Did I just blow your mind?

I don’t find buying baby clothes on the internet fun. It’s the one thing that I still enjoy buying in the store. This is just my opinion, other people can think whatever. I’m just giving op another perspective. Maybe her MIL is not super savvy about shopping on the internet. Maybe someone has some special gendered baby item they want to give to her. Who knows?

In my experience, the people who don’t find out or keep baby names secret etc. tend to be people who want to draw attention to themselves and their “special” choices.

I totally agree. It must be some millennial nonsense.

How old are you then if you aren't a Millennial?? You can't be a Boomer b.c they didn't know the sex before birth. If you are a Gen Xer than from another one please shut up you sound like an old fart. Or do you just use that as an adjective for something you don't like and you don't really know what it means.....hmmm....you probably are a Boomer.

I like how "Millenials" can't win...if they keep it secret they want too much attention or if they have gender reveals on Insta they are seeking too much attention.

And here is my opinion- people who go ape and name their kid before they are born and gussy the nursery up with super-gendered stuff tend to be on the trailer park end of the spectrum of whites. My friends who mostly have professional degrees or PHDs didn't seem to do that.

We didn't decide on a name until very late. We also knew our families completely lack boundaries, so even when we settled on a name at 38 weeks, we just kept our mouths shut.

We did have a "fake" name for a while. We jokingly named the baby Pavel (DH and I are both Russian specialists). As expected, our moms had allllllllll sorts of opinions on that name.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really hard to find gender neutral gifts and buying baby clothes is usually fun. Buying gender neutral baby clothes is not really fun. And, people who keep from learning the gender or keep their preferred names secret are usually pretty obnoxious. Sorry op

Hi, welcome to 2019. Have you met the Internet? It's pretty great. If you use this search engine called "Google" and type in gender-neutral baby clothes, a huge array of options at nearly all price points will be presented to you. Wowie, zowie! Did I just blow your mind?

I don’t find buying baby clothes on the internet fun. It’s the one thing that I still enjoy buying in the store. This is just my opinion, other people can think whatever. I’m just giving op another perspective. Maybe her MIL is not super savvy about shopping on the internet. Maybe someone has some special gendered baby item they want to give to her. Who knows?

In my experience, the people who don’t find out or keep baby names secret etc. tend to be people who want to draw attention to themselves and their “special” choices.

This. It's the "unconventional" parents looking for a reaction from others, another attention seeking method, and OP is successful in making a non-event ("we don't know") into an occasion ("we are so special we decided that we want a big surprise at birth"). I know the gender because of IVF, nobody gives a damn. It's just small talk, if you're not fixated on it, nobody will get fixated.