Anonymous wrote:I still do not understand the people who get upset with others that have not contacted in the past x weeks. It goes both ways. If you are seeking contact and this is someone you are close to, contact them.

This! Just text her! Maybe she's miffed YOU didn't send her cute pics of your new baby and she got a generic one from your husband!

PP again - not an excuse, but I had just started an intensive grad school program at the time, so calling to congratulate her was not on the top of my to-do list.

Definitely don’t expect her to reach out and I agree with people saying you can also reach out. I had a long-time childhood friend who got married outside of the country so she had a big party/reception for her US friends and family when she was back. I wasn’t invited and later found out it was because I didn’t call her to congratulate her after her wedding. For what it’s worth, I had seen her right before she left to get married and did all the congratulating then. We haven’t spoken since 2002. Don’t be this person.

Anonymous wrote:I still do not understand the people who get upset with others that have not contacted in the past x weeks. It goes both ways. If you are seeking contact and this is someone you are close to, contact them.

This x 1000

OP, notice that your "close friend" has been losing her hair over job stress and you didn't even know. Also, YOU didn't tell her about the baby. You left that to your husband and your kid. Next time you want someone to know something - you tell them. THEN you can get upset if they don't respond to you. And maybe spend some more time asking how your friends are doing...

OP, your posts still ring of “me me me”.

Your “friend” is so stressed her hair is falling out. She likely felt she sent best wishes via your husband, who, we have already determined is not necessarily giving you the actual details of their meetings. A baby is a family event, and she likely felt she conveyed her congratulations PLUS her husband is in touch with yours.

So let’s flip this. She sounds like she is going through one of the worst periods of her life, while you’re going through one of your best. As has been pointed out, phones both receive and make calls. Where are YOU for HER, if you’re such good friends?

Life would be so awesome if it was linear, but it’s not. Your sulking over a friend FOR 2 MONTHS instead of reaching out says a lot about you. People go through all kinds of s**t. If you want to maintain friends over the long term, sometimes you need to realize it isn’t always about you and your tunnel of life. Relationships are a lot easier when you can be humble, suck it up, and not stick your heels in the sand so easily.

This is OP . There was a confusing typo. I didnt want my son to relay information but my husband. Her DH told him how stressed she was and that she wanted to reach out and DH didn't mention this to me. Even if I didn't just have a baby and was in my regular busy routine I'd reach out if I knew how stressed she was and offer to watch her son on a Saturday. Dh didn't do it intentionally but I imagine her husband told my DH this in the hope he would relay the information to me. Her feeling guilty on top of her stress was unnecessary...I may have noticed that someone I thought was a good friend hasnt communicated with me in 2 months since having a baby and posted on a forum but I wasn't going to pile on and bring it up to her even if there was no rhyme or reason.


I do think the posts insinuating we aren't really friends may be right but kinda sad. She confided that we're the only people she felt comfortable with watching her son and they've been here for 5 years. When she's been stressed with work at other times or just wanted to go on a date she has reached out and asked us to watch her son. We've done girl night things so it isn't just kid focused but still my perception may be off.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My very best friend that I used to see daily didn’t come visit me until the baby was 8 weeks old. We’d had other issues but that was the final straw. I was really struggling postpartum and could have used a friend. I’m not sure why no one visits new moms but I think it’s awful. I was desperate for company.

Because most new mom's ate a major PITA and expect your friends to clean your house, cook, and free babysittong while you shower and nap. Hire a nanny!

PP here. What?! I wanted my best friend to go to lunch with me and my newborn. I didn't need anyone to do chores for me (that's what DH was for). I had always dropped everything for her, but when I wanted companionship, she was no where to be found.

OP, you seem like a really high maintenance friend. If you are such good friends with her, why haven't you reached out to her?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: UPDATE: I asked my husband again, since writing the OP and he filled in more details. He said her husband has been confiding in him about how stressed she's been with work. My DH mentioned she was busy but apparently it's to the point her hair is falling out. She told my DH when he stopped by to meet with her DH how bad she felt that she had not reached out. Could she have reached out and said she's swamped instead of feeling guilty? I guess but when under that kind of stress you're just plain overwhelmed and should be given a measure of grace.

Long story short I wish DH told me this weeks ago. Neither of us have family local so we became friends and relied on each other over the years. That's why I noticed her not saying anything when it would have gone unnoticed for someone else.

I guess some of you blunt posters were right.

Seriously, OP, if your friend is so stressed out that her hair is falling out, she probably needs support too. Perhaps YOU should reach out to her and see how she's doing? You sound so incredibly selfish.

Right? She's so stressed that HER HAIR IS FALLING OUT, and your take is that she still should have reached out to you, but you'll let it slide this time because she's so stressed out that HER HAIR IS FALLING OUT. And you never reached out to her, in two months, despite being such good friends--you just kept track of how she didn't text you. I suppose you should be given a measure of grace, too, though.

How about a text message!

"Hey Larla! Just wanted to let you know that Baby Larlette arrived on April 15! Sorry for the delay in contacting you but you know how it is with two kids! Come by and see our new addition when you have time. Love you! Larleen."

This isn't rocket science.

I still do not understand the people who get upset with others that have not contacted in the past x weeks. It goes both ways. If you are seeking contact and this is someone you are close to, contact them.