Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"You learn to accept their flaws and mistakes."

Ha. My mom constantly complains about her father, who died in 1989.

Ha. Most grown men and some grown women still won't admit even to themselves their parents may have had some flaws.

What are you talking about? Everyone has flaws.

Anonymous wrote:"You learn to accept their flaws and mistakes."

Ha. My mom constantly complains about her father, who died in 1989.

Ha. Most grown men and some grown women still won't admit even to themselves their parents may have had some flaws.

Another poster who lost a parent during cancer treatment. I think the worst is that the doctor's don't present chemo as a "choice". My dad's lung cancer was treated successfully in 2015 with radiation and chemo, but came back last year. He dutifully followed the oncologist's orders for chemo -- at one point he had to check in with the radiation oncologist and the RO was surprised that they were doing chemo because the tumor was so small. 3 months later, he was dead. The chemo absolutely killed him. He couldn't eat, drink, or anything. His doctor kept giving him the treatments, except for the week he ended up in the hospital with pneumonia and never went back home. He had probably lost 30 pounds during 4 treatment cycles, and wasn't eating hardly at all (throat was super sore and his stomach was off the rails) and yet this doc never thought about stopping treatments.

Chemo is a valid choice. Not doing chemo is also a valid choice.

Anonymous wrote:They most ring true for me. But #6, I don't know. I lost my mom over a year ago. Loved her dearly but it wasn't until just months before she passed that I came to the realization that she'd been verbally abusive most of my life. Of course there never was a chance of confrontation/resolution.

For me, grieving for her has been a very strange mix of missing her terribly and aching for her, and reliving some of her biting/critical comments, and feeling so disconcerted in the process.

This for me. 100%. I lost my mother 10 years ago when I was 21, the years have not been kind to my memories of her and I know realize her flaws more than ever as I have just had my first child and learn what mistakes I don't want repeated.