Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Soulmates is a silly concept that requires you to believe some fairytale that you were “made” for someone. It absolves you of the responsibility of actively loving your partner. It’s far less romantic than you think.

Soulmate has nothing to do with the belief that "you were made for someone." But it is so rare that you usually only experience it only once in your life (if you are lucky). It is a connection that goes well beyond the five senses, the languages of love and all of that stuff. But I understand that if you never experience it you might brush it off as fairy tales believes.

X2

Barf again.
Believing this stuff means that you’ll just abandon your steady relationship and run off with your ‘once in a lifetime soul mate’ is that right?
And the regular every day life of paying the bills, working long hours, changing diapers , your MIL berating you, cleaning and waiting for the appliance repairman does nothing to dampen any of your moony eyed feelings ever, is that right?
I’ve loved my DH for 30+ years now both during marriage and friendship but you guys’ gushing descriptions of your relationships makes you seem like insufferable assholes.

+1

Marriage is hard work. Tired of reading this eat pray love BS

What do you mean by "don't love" ? Like you don't like or enjoy spending time with the other person? You don't have emotional chemistry with that person?

I do think that romantic love is a distinct emotion that you either feel or you don't but it's also a spectrum. Many times, people only think of the high end of the spectrum when they talk about love. But you can love someone without being madly in love with them. That's still love and it's still enough to sustain a lifetime commitment.

The guy I was madly deeply in love with would've have been a terrible husband for me (personality differences, different values/life goals, etc). I know that I would've ended up divorcing him. Otoh, dh and I have compatible personalities, values, and life goals. We have common interests and we enjoy spending time together. I don't feel the same sort intensity for dh but I still love him and I love our life together. We've have been together for over 25 years and I do think our compatibility has actually deepened our love for each other. Barring extraordinary and unusual circumstances, I would never leave dh.

Anonymous wrote:All those 30-year-olds who post on here bemoaning their singlehood should definitely read this thread! Don’t marry someone out of fear you’re getting old.

Have you read the responses?

Lots of people saying that it worked out well and they have a good life.

I think I was on the receiving end of a marriage not proposed out of love, despite his I love yous. Ex was always the driver of the relationship - proposed, wanted to have children, etc.

I grew to love him deeply and thought we were perfect for each other. One day I stumbled across evidence of his cheating, and things unraveled from there.

I think he used me to attain a family which he thought would be a good image for him and also which would stabilize him to some extent.

It has been quite a blow to us all (kids and me), and derailed our lives in ways that are very difficult to recover from.

I don't know if I can even explain the deep sadness and self-doubt that comes from knowing that the person you loved and made a deep committment to doesn’t love you back and yet has you trapped. For the kids, the pain comes from having a parent who really isn’t interested in them more than for show.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married for money and we’re still together after 12 years...

You better keep your looks up because he knows it too and he’s about to find someone a lot younger to give his money to next

Is that what happened to you? That must be why you’re so bitter.

My ex-DH and I were "very much in love," mature for our ages when we married at 23, and seemed to share major life goals. But we were absolutely not compatible in terms of communication, expectations about daily life, conflict resolution, etc. Divorced after 15 years of marriage, 18 years together.

My best friend from college seemed to "settle" around age 30. She and DH seemed more like a business arrangement. She cried all day before the wedding (not in a good way) and I predicted divorce and unhappiness. They've now been together 25 years and are one of the strongest couples I know (as far as I can tell). They know each other super well, have been there for each other through thick and thin, seem to have fun together, each have some outside interests but also things they do together. They take care of each other and are very devoted.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Soulmates is a silly concept that requires you to believe some fairytale that you were “made” for someone. It absolves you of the responsibility of actively loving your partner. It’s far less romantic than you think.

Soulmate has nothing to do with the belief that "you were made for someone." But it is so rare that you usually only experience it only once in your life (if you are lucky). It is a connection that goes well beyond the five senses, the languages of love and all of that stuff. But I understand that if you never experience it you might brush it off as fairy tales believes.

X2

Barf again.
Believing this stuff means that you’ll just abandon your steady relationship and run off with your ‘once in a lifetime soul mate’ is that right?
And the regular every day life of paying the bills, working long hours, changing diapers , your MIL berating you, cleaning and waiting for the appliance repairman does nothing to dampen any of your moony eyed feelings ever, is that right?
I’ve loved my DH for 30+ years now both during marriage and friendship but you guys’ gushing descriptions of your relationships makes you seem like insufferable assholes.

Thanks for judging. Ps, your army of flying monkeys think you’re an insufferable asshole. Back to your broomstick!

Anonymous wrote:Married for money and we’re still together after 12 years...

You better keep your looks up because he knows it too and he’s about to find someone a lot younger to give his money to next

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, as someone said, young people should read this, let it be the lesson to the rest of you.

As someone who held out and missed out - not married now at 40 - I think this is a lesson to young people.

Marrying someone you like and are happy with is ok. Most of the people posting who did that report being happy and having a nice family life.
I regret I didn't do this when I had the chance. As you get older it gets harder and harder.

As an early 40s woman who has been trapped in a miserable marriage for 10 years did to geographic constraints and made major career sacrifices for a spouse who was “good enough” it seemed now with unplanned kids, I am envious of you. I would rather be single and never-married 40-year-old without the baggage of kids and a decade of an awful marriage any day of the week. Better single than with the wrong spouse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Soulmates is a silly concept that requires you to believe some fairytale that you were “made” for someone. It absolves you of the responsibility of actively loving your partner. It’s far less romantic than you think.

Soulmate has nothing to do with the belief that "you were made for someone." But it is so rare that you usually only experience it only once in your life (if you are lucky). It is a connection that goes well beyond the five senses, the languages of love and all of that stuff. But I understand that if you never experience it you might brush it off as fairy tales believes.

X2

Barf again.
Believing this stuff means that you’ll just abandon your steady relationship and run off with your ‘once in a lifetime soul mate’ is that right?
And the regular every day life of paying the bills, working long hours, changing diapers , your MIL berating you, cleaning and waiting for the appliance repairman does nothing to dampen any of your moony eyed feelings ever, is that right?
I’ve loved my DH for 30+ years now both during marriage and friendship but you guys’ gushing descriptions of your relationships makes you seem like insufferable assholes.

"Insufferable assholes"!!!!
We are just describing our relationship with another human being. Why such aggressivity!

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, as someone said, young people should read this, let it be the lesson to the rest of you.

As someone who held out and missed out - not married now at 40 - I think this is a lesson to young people.

Marrying someone you like and are happy with is ok. Most of the people posting who did that report being happy and having a nice family life.
I regret I didn't do this when I had the chance. As you get older it gets harder and harder.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Soulmates is a silly concept that requires you to believe some fairytale that you were “made” for someone. It absolves you of the responsibility of actively loving your partner. It’s far less romantic than you think.

Soulmate has nothing to do with the belief that "you were made for someone." But it is so rare that you usually only experience it only once in your life (if you are lucky). It is a connection that goes well beyond the five senses, the languages of love and all of that stuff. But I understand that if you never experience it you might brush it off as fairy tales believes.

X2

Barf again.
Believing this stuff means that you’ll just abandon your steady relationship and run off with your ‘once in a lifetime soul mate’ is that right?
And the regular every day life of paying the bills, working long hours, changing diapers , your MIL berating you, cleaning and waiting for the appliance repairman does nothing to dampen any of your moony eyed feelings ever, is that right?
I’ve loved my DH for 30+ years now both during marriage and friendship but you guys’ gushing descriptions of your relationships makes you seem like insufferable assholes.

You are name calling and berating people. Who is the asshole?

My DH and I are soul mates- extremely compatible as friends, coparents and in the bedroom. We both worked from home today and had an afternoon delight. Been together 15 years and it still feels exciting and fun.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Soulmates is a silly concept that requires you to believe some fairytale that you were “made” for someone. It absolves you of the responsibility of actively loving your partner. It’s far less romantic than you think.

Soulmate has nothing to do with the belief that "you were made for someone." But it is so rare that you usually only experience it only once in your life (if you are lucky). It is a connection that goes well beyond the five senses, the languages of love and all of that stuff. But I understand that if you never experience it you might brush it off as fairy tales believes.

X2

Barf again.
Believing this stuff means that you’ll just abandon your steady relationship and run off with your ‘once in a lifetime soul mate’ is that right?
And the regular every day life of paying the bills, working long hours, changing diapers , your MIL berating you, cleaning and waiting for the appliance repairman does nothing to dampen any of your moony eyed feelings ever, is that right?
I’ve loved my DH for 30+ years now both during marriage and friendship but you guys’ gushing descriptions of your relationships makes you seem like insufferable assholes.

Goodness!

We never used the phrase "soul mates," and we definitely were never ever the gushy goo goo-eyed types, but we knew from the minute that we met that we were made for each other. Unfortunately, cancer decided that we didn't get to grow old together, but we had 25 amazing years. Not every moment was perfect, but we knew that the other was always there. And we had a blast. I have no expectation of finding anything remotely close to it again.

Married for money and we’re still together after 12 years...

There are a lot of marriages that are pure business arrangements.