I became a human garbage disposal. Didn't realize it until mother pointed it out and now I scrape the plates...

Anonymous wrote:DD2 is, of course, a messy eater and bits of food end up on the floor. In the morning we eat oatmeal with a variety of toppings, including cacao nibs, which I love.

The other day DD walked up to me with a nib on her finger and says “mommy, it’s poop”. I said “no, that’s a cacao nib!” and popped it in my mouth.

It wasn’t a cacao nib.

This is so disgusting.... and hysterical

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I enjoy a certain protein bar every morning but they are expensive. My kids will waste them, want to taste them but spit them out or naw on the bar and ruin the coating but not actually eat it...total waste. So I've come to hiding in my master closet with my bar and coffee every morning for 10 min. I even look forward to it. Sometimes I realize for a second how pathetic it is but then remember how this is really the best solution! Anyone else have moments tha make you go "o wow this is a new low."?

It's pathetic bc you don't have enough authority to tell your kids that they are not allowed to eat your protein bars.

Seriously. Remind them that they waste the bars and offer them something else.

Yay you two PPs for trying to turn a light hearted post into some sanctimonious drivel. Do you feel better about yourselves now? Here’s a cookie for each of you.

I want a fancy bar...not a lame cookie.

Ok here’s your bar, big baby

(I'm still recovering from the cacao nib story, btw. That is the stuff of nightmares.)

High on the pathetic list was the time I was preparing breakfast for our extremely picky 3 yo.

And suddenly in a flash of perspective, the horror hit me:

Oh my God. I AM PEELING...A BAGEL. ON PURPOSE. WTF IS WRONG WITH ME.

(In fairness, it was the only way she would eat the damn bagel. But still.)

Anonymous wrote:DD2 is, of course, a messy eater and bits of food end up on the floor. In the morning we eat oatmeal with a variety of toppings, including cacao nibs, which I love.

The other day DD walked up to me with a nib on her finger and says “mommy, it’s poop”. I said “no, that’s a cacao nib!” and popped it in my mouth.

It wasn’t a cacao nib.

AAAAAAH! I actually gasped when reading this and then started laughing so hard my co-workers are staring. My friend's toddler once handed him a poop when he (the dad) was napping on the couch. Toddler was in the middle of no-pants potty training.

Anonymous wrote:Our entire house is asleep by 8PM, including me and DH. I just cannot keep my eyes open much later! Never thought I'd see the day when staying up until 8:30PM was "late".

PP here. DH gets up at 5AM and goes to the gym but I just enjoy the extra hours of sleep! If I do wake up early, I drink my coffee alone and watch one of my favorite shows in the quiet. There's really no downside. Once I'm done nursing, I may try working out in the morning and alternating days with DH, but right now I pump at 6AM. We also enjoy date mornings since we are never awake enough to spend time together at night. Being up at 5:30 isn't so bad when you get to quietly have coffee with your DH or watch a show together before the chaos of the day begins.

One stop shopping or getting things on Amazon. I used to enjoy trying to find unique beautiful things, now I just need to be able to run in and run out (and have access to a bathroom). Target owns me.

I now get genuinely excited when I heard the Wheels on the Bus song as it is my 2 year old's JAM!

General lack of fashion sense. I used to be so creative and witty with my selections... now... capri city!

It was the other way around for me. Pooping stimulated let-down. And I had a fast let-down, especially when I had a newborn. More than one time I'd be sitting on the john, topless, and suddenly there is three feet of spray shooting out from a nipple.

Anonymous wrote:DD2 is, of course, a messy eater and bits of food end up on the floor. In the morning we eat oatmeal with a variety of toppings, including cacao nibs, which I love.

The other day DD walked up to me with a nib on her finger and says “mommy, it’s poop”. I said “no, that’s a cacao nib!” and popped it in my mouth.

It wasn’t a cacao nib.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having a kid sit on my lap while I poop

+1. And the kid was nursing. Multi tasking at its most inglorious

Thanks for saying that! I was afraid I was the only one.

I had no idea that the hormone release from nursing could stimulate bowels. Until I had awful runs nearly every time I nursed. Oddly didn’t happen with pumping, but I definitely RAN to to the toilet with a baby on my boob and barely made it a few times.

Pumped in the car while driving both ways on my 45 min commute.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My baby had rsv and I put my mouth on his nose to suck the snot out. It made sense at the time, middle of the night and couldn't buy a nose Frida, he couldn't breathe, etc. But I've never told anyone that before

I’ve done this too.

ok you guys win, that is foul.

my husband had to manually disimpact our constipated toddler, and i thought that was bad.

Anonymous wrote:My baby had rsv and I put my mouth on his nose to suck the snot out. It made sense at the time, middle of the night and couldn't buy a nose Frida, he couldn't breathe, etc. But I've never told anyone that before

I’ve done this too.