So apprentlh SAHMs don’t set a good example because they are not working hmm.

How would it be for a mom who had an awesome career, respect, high paying job for 20 years, then she got pregnant, quit her job, had another kid and when kids were 6 and 4, mom had been out of the work force for about 5 years. At that point, at age 47, she started part time work. Fast forward 4 years. Decided to quit. Kids ages- 10 and 8. Now they can really understand the world around them better and what do they see - a supposedly ‘weak’, ‘unambitious’ Woman, no identity of her own because they don’t see her have a career. Oh how can they ever respect her??!!

I will say that this (DH perception of family roles) really has affected our marriage and ability to successfully start our own family. MIL was a SAHM and did EVERYTHING for kids and around the house. FIL had and still has a very close relationship with his kids (sports coach, etc) but never did much “taking care of” kids. Or work around the house.

Flash forward to our life now with two full time working parents and two kids. We’ve struggled A LOT working through things that he thought were ‘normal’. He didn’t see a lot of the child rearing as his job. Or cleaning....why? His mom always did it!
Obviously I’m sure there are some families with a SAH parent that manager to avoid this, but it’s been really difficult for us. DH basically had to relearn family roles and responsibilities. Both of my parents WOH so I really struggled with his thinking...

I worked at night for years till my kids were 7/5 while DH worked a normal day job. So I stayed home with my kids....when my son was 6 or 7 he begged me to send him to after care at school because they "got a snack and more recess" lmao
OP do what is best for your family your kids will adapt to whatever you think is best

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had mommy guilt about working a tough job. But then at 5/6, my daughter expressed total surprise that I worked out of the home at all. LOL- all that guilt for nothing. She was clueless

It’s interesting (mean that genuinely, not like bad interesting) that you frame her not knowing as a good thing/guilt relieving. I think a lot of working mom posters might be disappointed that they had been hoping to provide an example of a working woman to their young child, and the child didn’t get it at all.

That's quite the projection.

I wouldn't be disappointed if my child didn't get that I work (especially when he's younger than 6, geez!). I'm more serious about modeling the value of personal ambition (whether its academics, hobbies, or whatever floats your boat), and also showing empathy and respect for others.

What do you mean projecting? You don't think it's interesting that the mom felt guilty until she realized her daughter didn't know she was at work? Either way, the mom was away from her child for long stretches of the day. The poster seems to be saying that for some reason it made her feel less guilty that her daughter didn't know she was at work, even though they weren't together anyway.

My kids are older now, and it is important to both DH and me that they know that both their parents have careers. I do not want my children, girls or boy, to ever take themselves completely out of the job market (barring serious illness or disability of self/child/spouse). But people are different in terms of what works for their families.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had mommy guilt about working a tough job. But then at 5/6, my daughter expressed total surprise that I worked out of the home at all. LOL- all that guilt for nothing. She was clueless

HOw is this possible, do you never mention work? My 2 year old know which train color I take to work and that its downtown. He doesn't understand much else. But how is she clueless?

My kids are 9&10, and they are only vaguely aware that I work part time while they are at school. I guess I don’t really talk about it a lot. I work with heroin addicts, and a lot of it isn’t appropriate to talk about with children. But they are just focused on their own stuff.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had mommy guilt about working a tough job. But then at 5/6, my daughter expressed total surprise that I worked out of the home at all. LOL- all that guilt for nothing. She was clueless

It’s interesting (mean that genuinely, not like bad interesting) that you frame her not knowing as a good thing/guilt relieving. I think a lot of working mom posters might be disappointed that they had been hoping to provide an example of a working woman to their young child, and the child didn’t get it at all.

That's quite the projection.

I wouldn't be disappointed if my child didn't get that I work (especially when he's younger than 6, geez!). I'm more serious about modeling the value of personal ambition (whether its academics, hobbies, or whatever floats your boat), and also showing empathy and respect for others.

No, and I don't think my kids notice a huge difference given that I try to leave work pretty early and meet their bus.

Anonymous wrote:I had mommy guilt about working a tough job. But then at 5/6, my daughter expressed total surprise that I worked out of the home at all. LOL- all that guilt for nothing. She was clueless

HOw is this possible, do you never mention work? My 2 year old know which train color I take to work and that its downtown. He doesn't understand much else. But how is she clueless?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I don’t enjoy kids and would want to kill myself if I stayed home all day. I love working. The kids will be fine.

I can totally relate. I do not enjoy working at all and would literally want to kill myself if I couldn't stay home and raise my own kids. I love kids! The work world will be fine without me!

I cannot relate to either of you. I love kids and think I would be a great SAHM, but I also love to work and find value in what I do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had mommy guilt about working a tough job. But then at 5/6, my daughter expressed total surprise that I worked out of the home at all. LOL- all that guilt for nothing. She was clueless

It’s interesting (mean that genuinely, not like bad interesting) that you frame her not knowing as a good thing/guilt relieving. I think a lot of working mom posters might be disappointed that they had been hoping to provide an example of a working woman to their young child, and the child didn’t get it at all.

I assume she means that so many feel guilty about working when the kids are very little (and when SAH is more common). It's not until they are older that they will get the appreciation / respect part of it.

Anonymous wrote:I had mommy guilt about working a tough job. But then at 5/6, my daughter expressed total surprise that I worked out of the home at all. LOL- all that guilt for nothing. She was clueless

It’s interesting (mean that genuinely, not like bad interesting) that you frame her not knowing as a good thing/guilt relieving. I think a lot of working mom posters might be disappointed that they had been hoping to provide an example of a working woman to their young child, and the child didn’t get it at all.

I'll bite. I SAH with two daughters and yes, I worry about this. But not enough that I want to go back to work just yet (they are 8 and 11) but I will eventually, although I'm not sure what. They get home at 2:45 and I just don't want to miss that time with them from then until 6pm or whenever I'd get home from work. They still like hanging out with me. And we have just the best summers.

I had mommy guilt about working a tough job. But then at 5/6, my daughter expressed total surprise that I worked out of the home at all. LOL- all that guilt for nothing. She was clueless

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worry that if I sah my sons will think their mommy and eventually their wife exists to make life run smoothly for them and their “important” work

This is kind of my perspective too. I would not say that I “worry” about it, but as a mother of sons I really feel like it is incredibly important for them to see their father and I doing the same things. Both working, both taking care of the house, and both taking care of them. My husband’s mother worked and I really feel like this is such a huge part of the reason he is incredible around the house. Studies also support that.

That is one good model. There are many other ways for boys and girls to learn about all the different good ways for a family to function. Dad sets a great example for the boys around the house and with how involved he is in the day to life of the family. Plus, they know mom had a career before and may again, and they know the many things she does to give back without pay now. I like the balance kids are seeing, particularly the conscious choice to give up more money and more material goods for more time to live and give to others and the community. There are many ways to be happy and many definitions of success.

I think it is important that our kids grow up knowing there isn't just one "right way" to live; but that we teach them planning, resilience and flexibility so they can handle whatever comes their way.