Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:However, despite being pro choice, I consider abortions by happy and economically stable families to be very very hard to stomach

I agree completely. The idea of aborting one of my children's siblings because I was irresponsible is disgusting to me. And I'm pro-choice.

This isn't about politics for me. I would have the child knowing it would be fine, plus there's no reason it should impact OP's relationship. They both decided this and knew it was a possibility.

OP your husband should get a vasectomy. If he were that concerned before he would have done so. Birth control is just as much his responsibility.

Anonymous wrote:Mother of 4 here and I'd like to offer another perspective. Most are saying what would you do if you and your husband divorce and you are stuck as a single mother of 4?

But my question is what if he dies (or you die)? For whatever reason, people tend to leave death out of the equation, but that is exactly what happened to me. At the young age of 45, my husband died from a heart attack. Without warning I have been left to raise our 4 young children alone.

Our number 4 was also an unplanned pregnancy, and we too considered abortion. I love all of my children, but I can't say I would have chosen this path had I known I'd be on it alone.

So I say ask yourself the question of would you still go through with having #4 if your husband were to suddenly pass away, and vice versa for him.

I am so sorry.

Anonymous wrote:However, despite being pro choice, I consider abortions by happy and economically stable families to be very very hard to stomach

I agree completely. The idea of aborting one of my children's siblings because I was irresponsible is disgusting to me. And I'm pro-choice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any advice from married couples who already have multiple kids on whether to keep or abort an unexpected pregnancy with a 4th child? (Outside of the pro-choice, pro-life discussion), If you decided to have an abortion, do you regret it and did it cause tension in your marriage? If you decided to have the kid, do you regret it and wish you had just stayed at one kid fewer? What was the impact and strain on a marriage? How is life with 4 kids and the health of a relationship?

I would look at the three children you have now and imagine if you had aborted one of them. Reflect on the pros and cons for you, as well as for the child you've chosen for this thought experiment.

Thanks. Go back to the pro-life march now.

Anonymous wrote:Any advice from married couples who already have multiple kids on whether to keep or abort an unexpected pregnancy with a 4th child? (Outside of the pro-choice, pro-life discussion), If you decided to have an abortion, do you regret it and did it cause tension in your marriage? If you decided to have the kid, do you regret it and wish you had just stayed at one kid fewer? What was the impact and strain on a marriage? How is life with 4 kids and the health of a relationship?

I would look at the three children you have now and imagine if you had aborted one of them. Reflect on the pros and cons for you, as well as for the child you've chosen for this thought experiment.

Anonymous wrote:Mother of 4 here and I'd like to offer another perspective. Most are saying what would you do if you and your husband divorce and you are stuck as a single mother of 4?

But my question is what if he dies (or you die)? For whatever reason, people tend to leave death out of the equation, but that is exactly what happened to me. At the young age of 45, my husband died from a heart attack. Without warning I have been left to raise our 4 young children alone.

Our number 4 was also an unplanned pregnancy, and we too considered abortion. I love all of my children, but I can't say I would have chosen this path had I known I'd be on it alone.

So I say ask yourself the question of would you still go through with having #4 if your husband were to suddenly pass away, and vice versa for him.

OP here I am so sorry for your loss- sending positive energy your way - it is helpful to hear stories from all angles and thank you for sharing such a difficult situation.

Anonymous wrote:Mother of 4 here and I'd like to offer another perspective. Most are saying what would you do if you and your husband divorce and you are stuck as a single mother of 4?

But my question is what if he dies (or you die)? For whatever reason, people tend to leave death out of the equation, but that is exactly what happened to me. At the young age of 45, my husband died from a heart attack. Without warning I have been left to raise our 4 young children alone.

Our number 4 was also an unplanned pregnancy, and we too considered abortion. I love all of my children, but I can't say I would have chosen this path had I known I'd be on it alone.

So I say ask yourself the question of would you still go through with having #4 if your husband were to suddenly pass away, and vice versa for him.

I am very sorry for your loss. But would dealing with your situation really be so much easier if you had 3 and not 4 children? My father died suddenly like your husband when I was 1 and my mother was pregnant with my brother. I am pretty sure it's just a hard situation.

I was 40 when I had an abortion and I had no regrets at the time. We already had three children plus two careers so it would have just gotten crazier. But looking back I do wonder if we made the right decision. I know that my husband would not agree to it now. While he continues to support a woman's right to choose he would not want to abort a healthy fetus. I'm glad it's a decision we no longer have to consider.

Mother of 4 here and I'd like to offer another perspective. Most are saying what would you do if you and your husband divorce and you are stuck as a single mother of 4?

But my question is what if he dies (or you die)? For whatever reason, people tend to leave death out of the equation, but that is exactly what happened to me. At the young age of 45, my husband died from a heart attack. Without warning I have been left to raise our 4 young children alone.

Our number 4 was also an unplanned pregnancy, and we too considered abortion. I love all of my children, but I can't say I would have chosen this path had I known I'd be on it alone.

So I say ask yourself the question of would you still go through with having #4 if your husband were to suddenly pass away, and vice versa for him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unplanned as in birth control failure or unplanned as in you were being careless?

Why does it matter? Doesn't change the situation.

To answer OP's question-I aborted an unexpected pregnancy but I have less children than you currently have. The best I can say is make sure both of you are in agreement. I felt a bit pressured into it and it did breed some resentment. I was not 100% on board with it and do have some regrets. There is no taking it back. We ended up in counseling and that did help but we had a tough year or so. All is well now and though I do miss the idea of that child, in retrospect, I don't think my marriage would have survived another child. One thing that helps me is thinking.....do I want to be married with my current family size or divorced with one more. I do think it would have come to that.

+10000000
Similar situation, the only difference is that DH and I were both totally in agreement. We had both been thinking about it but afraid to bring it up.

The effects on the marriage and potential divorce were front and center. We have come very close to divorce becore Nd while our marriage is good now, we both acknowledge that the added stress of that first year would probably tear us apart

I would be so pissed if I was pregnant with a 3rd. I would be mad about the toll it takes on my body and my career. I would be pissed about having to start all over. My youngest is 2 and we are just starting to daydream about vacations that don’t accommodate diapers and naps. It would throwba big wrench in our plans to get a bigger house in 3-5 years and fully pay for college. And I am super pro choice for other people . . . But I would have a 3rd / 4th because I know we’re more fortunate than most and I know I would love that kid as much as my others.

Op here - my marriage is really happy - it’s not “rocky” lol - that’s an important and relevant question though so just wanted to eliminate that as a variable, along with the variable of politics (pro-choice v pro life).

Age is a factor as I am over 40, although I am as fit as I was in my 20s but more exhausted now.

Work/kids is a factor as I balance a full time pretty big job and kids now I am worried something might tip me over the edge of being able to juggle. I have built a team at home and work and so maybe the scalability of 3 to 4 isn’t that high logistically if you have team to help scale up?

I’m really curious about the regret factor and appreciate people sharing their stories. There is confirmation bias out there because people only publicly tell you when they decide to keep their 4th, I doubt that anyone advertises to their friends when they don’t keep...

That is why I am on an anonymous forum to get those stories that people typically might be ashamed to share.....

Anonymous wrote:However, despite being pro choice, I consider abortions by happy and economically stable families to be very very hard to stomach

But “happy” is so hard to assess from the outside. I know of several families who terminated in part because of the mom’s mental illness. The families look happy. People don’t share everything.

Based on your update, I would abort.

I do know someone who had three healthy children and aborted a fourth pregnancy. It is not as uncommon as you would think. Abortion clinics have many patients who are married, despite the stereotype of only young single women getting abortions.

However, despite being pro choice, I consider abortions by happy and economically stable families to be very very hard to stomach