Anonymous wrote:What do you all do with your kids at weddings when it's past their bedtime? Roll the stroller into the hallway and tell your toddler to go to sleep in it? Or are you all leaving early because you schlepped your kids to a wedding? I think it's rude to leave a wedding early.

Anonymous wrote:What do you all do with your kids at weddings when it's past their bedtime? Roll the stroller into the hallway and tell your toddler to go to sleep in it? Or are you all leaving early because you schlepped your kids to a wedding? I think it's rude to leave a wedding early.

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Anonymous wrote:I'm sure many of you have read (and giggled about) the kid-free wedding rant thread.

Plenty of people weighed in, and I noticed a lot of people saying that if a couple had a child-free wedding, they would not go. Many of these people ALSO said that it was up to the couple getting married who to invite to their wedding, and they would not be mad or annoyed at the couple for choosing not to invite kids to the wedding, so that's not the issue.

For those of you who would not go to a wedding that your kids weren't invited to, why? If it's because you don't have childcare for the night, or the weekend if its an out of town wedding, I understand 100%. It is expensive, not everyone has family who can help (or sometimes that family is also going to the wedding). If childcare isn't the issue.....what is? Do you just not like weddings and want an excuse not to go?

Please know that I am not trying to be snarky or judgmental. I have so much fun at weddings and we have managed to make it to all of the weddings we've been invited to post-kids, and even when they are invited, we never bring them.

They could do everyone a favor and just stay home and stop making evreything about them, that would make everyone happy.

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Anonymous wrote:I LOVE kid-free events, and I'm from the NYC area where almost all weddings are kid-free affairs with lots of food and have an open bar. However, for us, it comes down to expense.

Additionally, over the years, I have spent thousands attending out of state weddings that didn't work out. So, therefore I no longer view a wedding as something I want to spend a bunch of money on, especially when the couple gets divorced within five years. If it is a local wedding for a close friend, sure. If it is an out of town wedding for a close friend, we usually "send a delegate". I'm not hiring a weekend sitter to go to a wedding.

For what it is worth, I never understood the whole "just make a weekend out of it!" argument. I don't want to spend my vacation time and money, both of which are finite resources, attending a wedding. If I'm going to invest the time and money to enjoy a weekend away with my spouse, we are going to do exactly what we want to do. But all that is kind of a hypothetical anyway, as we no longer have someone to watch our kids for a weekend (grandparents in ill health).

I disagree with that last paragraph mainly because, even though I might bitch and moan a little bit to DH about having to go to a wedding in the middle of nowhere, if it's going to be a big reunion of friends, it will be fun no matter where it is. At this stage in our lives, we rarely get to see friends from high school, friends from college, and friends from grad school UNLESS it's at someone's wedding, and if that means leaving our kid once or twice a year with grandma to schlep to Schitt's Creek for a wedding, so be it. (Again, if you don't have the money or the trusted childcare, that is different).

Look, I’m with you and I feel my life is full with friends and family. To the others who won’t go if kids aren’t invited, do you ever complain here that you don’t have friends? If not, then I guess you’re happy doing what you’re doing and that’s good.

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Anonymous wrote:If it’s an out of town weddin we (almost) categorically wouldn’t go. Weekends are family time and going out of town for the weekend might mean that we go 12 days without really spending quality time with our kids together (rushed weeknight dinners followed by bathtime doesn’t count).

So you never do anything on the weekend that's not 100% family time? You never go away for a girls' weekend? Your husband never goes away for a guys' weekend? Sad. And I say this as someone who works full time, as does my husband.

NP. I don’t think it’s “sad” at all. I think it’s nice that she’s prioritizing time with her young children. Plus a lot of people don’t even like girls/guys weekends. They’re kind of a thing for extroverts with lots of disposable income.

Actually I'm an introvert. And I do think it's sad that people can't see beyond themselves and make time for their friends. Getting married is a big deal, and it's crappy to not even try to go.

100% agree. And I bet the couple getting married showed up at their wedding.

I don’t disagree but just sharing that I think it’s somewhat comparing apples to oranges unless the couple now getting married already had kids when they attended the other wedding.

It’s really not though - that discounts the inconvenience, cost, etc. that childless people took on to come to that wedding. We all have things going on. I know we all like to think we are the busiest, but that implies your time is more valuable when you have kids and that’s really icky to me.

My time is definitely not more valuable than someone's who is childless I don't think anyone is trying to say anything like that at all. I do, however, prioritize the needs of my kids over the needs of casual friends. If attending the childless wedding of a casual/social friend out of state means that I'm going to not be able to spend the weekend at the local beach with my kids and instead send them to their grandparents house (which they don't love)- that's a no brainer to me. If the friend were a close friend, or i felt that my presence at the wedding was truly necessary and that I'd be missed- it would be a different story. But most weddings aren't like that at all. And if they really prioritized their friends coming to their wedding they'd include kids in the invitation. (No judgment that they didn't- just they can't complain if people with kids decline the invite. And in my experience, no one does complain)

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It’s really not though - that discounts the inconvenience, cost, etc. that childless people took on to come to that wedding. We all have things going on. I know we all like to think we are the busiest, but that implies your time is more valuable when you have kids and that’s really icky to me.

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Anonymous wrote:If it’s an out of town weddin we (almost) categorically wouldn’t go. Weekends are family time and going out of town for the weekend might mean that we go 12 days without really spending quality time with our kids together (rushed weeknight dinners followed by bathtime doesn’t count).

So you never do anything on the weekend that's not 100% family time? You never go away for a girls' weekend? Your husband never goes away for a guys' weekend? Sad. And I say this as someone who works full time, as does my husband.

NP. I don’t think it’s “sad” at all. I think it’s nice that she’s prioritizing time with her young children. Plus a lot of people don’t even like girls/guys weekends. They’re kind of a thing for extroverts with lots of disposable income.

I'm an introvert (and work full-time) and just had a girls' weekend in Vegas with my sister and cousin. It was a blast. I'm glad my children know that mommy and/or daddy can go away for a few days, and it is fine. My sister/cousins know me and if I went back to the room to rest or down to the spa for a hot tub session by myself for some alone time while they kept shopping, it was no big deal. We ate at great restaurants, saw Celine, had a BLAST. Meanwhile, my kids had fun with Daddy and went hiking, had pizza for dinner one night and cleaned up the house to make it special for me when I got home.

I was a camp counselor and had a few girls in their tweens and late teens who had never been away from their parents before, even for a weekend with grandparents. How do you think that went? You think they were secure, confident, well-adjusted girls?

Anonymous wrote:This is all pretty interesting. I understand the prioritizing involved - i really do - but I think it's crappy to not go to a wedding solely because it's inconvenient (NOT because of an actual lack of finances or childcare) now that you have kids.

I am married and have one child. My best friend is single and kid-free. She has gone to every bachelorette party, every wedding, all over the place, for her friends for years. If she were to get married soon and many of those friends didn't come solely because of the inconvenience or not wanting to be away from their kids for the weekend, I think that would be crappy.

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Anonymous wrote:If it’s an out of town weddin we (almost) categorically wouldn’t go. Weekends are family time and going out of town for the weekend might mean that we go 12 days without really spending quality time with our kids together (rushed weeknight dinners followed by bathtime doesn’t count).

So you never do anything on the weekend that's not 100% family time? You never go away for a girls' weekend? Your husband never goes away for a guys' weekend? Sad. And I say this as someone who works full time, as does my husband.

NP. I don’t think it’s “sad” at all. I think it’s nice that she’s prioritizing time with her young children. Plus a lot of people don’t even like girls/guys weekends. They’re kind of a thing for extroverts with lots of disposable income.

Actually I'm an introvert. And I do think it's sad that people can't see beyond themselves and make time for their friends. Getting married is a big deal, and it's crappy to not even try to go.

I'm the one you are criticizing for liking family time. I think it's the opposite of sad that I'm prioritizing the needs of my children above the needs of my old college roommate who I see once a year. It's practically the opposite of "can't see beyond myself". It's putting my kids ahead of casual friends.

I'm not criticizing you for liking family time, but you are obviously being defensive. When did we start talking about an old college roommate who you see once a year? Keep changing the goal posts if you need to in order to make your argument stronger.

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Anonymous wrote:If it’s an out of town weddin we (almost) categorically wouldn’t go. Weekends are family time and going out of town for the weekend might mean that we go 12 days without really spending quality time with our kids together (rushed weeknight dinners followed by bathtime doesn’t count).

So you never do anything on the weekend that's not 100% family time? You never go away for a girls' weekend? Your husband never goes away for a guys' weekend? Sad. And I say this as someone who works full time, as does my husband.

NP. I don’t think it’s “sad” at all. I think it’s nice that she’s prioritizing time with her young children. Plus a lot of people don’t even like girls/guys weekends. They’re kind of a thing for extroverts with lots of disposable income.

Actually I'm an introvert. And I do think it's sad that people can't see beyond themselves and make time for their friends. Getting married is a big deal, and it's crappy to not even try to go.

I'm the one you are criticizing for liking family time. I think it's the opposite of sad that I'm prioritizing the needs of my children above the needs of my old college roommate who I see once a year. It's practically the opposite of "can't see beyond myself". It's putting my kids ahead of casual friends.

I Hess if you don’t want to HAVE any friends and have your life be all about your kids, that’s fine. But I have friends I’ve known way longer than kids have been alive and I feel it’s jmoirtant to make the effort.

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure many of you have read (and giggled about) the kid-free wedding rant thread.

Plenty of people weighed in, and I noticed a lot of people saying that if a couple had a child-free wedding, they would not go. Many of these people ALSO said that it was up to the couple getting married who to invite to their wedding, and they would not be mad or annoyed at the couple for choosing not to invite kids to the wedding, so that's not the issue.

For those of you who would not go to a wedding that your kids weren't invited to, why? If it's because you don't have childcare for the night, or the weekend if its an out of town wedding, I understand 100%. It is expensive, not everyone has family who can help (or sometimes that family is also going to the wedding). If childcare isn't the issue.....what is? Do you just not like weddings and want an excuse not to go?

Please know that I am not trying to be snarky or judgmental. I have so much fun at weddings and we have managed to make it to all of the weddings we've been invited to post-kids, and even when they are invited, we never bring them.