Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dog.

I’m in my late 20s and always thought I’d be married with kids by now. I think I’ll be alone forever at this point. However, when the dog goes I’ll probably go too.

Hi friend. Listen, someone who suffers from depression and is married with kids here. That is not a goal. I know it's what society teaches us to want, but it absolutely doesn't make life better in and of itself. Kids are HARD. Kids make life far harder and unhappier. I long for the days I was single and childless in my late 20s. It was an amazing time of growth and a time where I could do WHATEVER THE HELL I WANTED. Which you take for granted now. If you currently feel depressed, please do whatever you can to see the appropriate healthcare providers. You will always come out of the funk and be glad that you did not end it. I'll be glad you didn't end it either. Those of us with depression feel so isolated, but we have to stick together. Take care.

I’m the PP and you made me tear up (in a good way!) I think I mainly miss the companionship - I have an awesome day at work or I have a bad day at work and I have no one to celebrate with or vent to. But regardless - I really appreciate you taking the time to provide encouragement, means more than you know

I’m so glad. Your reply also means a great deal to me. I feel a real kinship with people who know how dark it gets. A year ago I was in such a bad place. I have managed to claw my way out. Maybe in a few years it’ll come back. It always has. But if you’ve made it out once, you can do it again. We’re here. I know what it’s like to be lonely and being in a relationship doesn’t always fix that. As women get older we also start to understand how valuable friendships are. They sustain us through to the end of our lives. My husband supports me in many ways big and small, but without my friends I would just lose it. Take care. <3

My grandmother is my best friend. It would devastated her. That's it. I don't have many good things in my life. I tried to hang myself on a door knob not long ago, it didn't work. She was hurt when she found out. If I were to do it I'd wait until she died.

Oops otherwise healthy

Anonymous wrote:Why can't people just respect the decision of those who choose to end their lives? I don't want to end up helpless and dependent. I have the means and the will to end it before that happens, I hope. Don't judge me.

We arent talking about a sick person who is going to end up helpless. We are talking about an otherwise person with Clinical Depression whose brain is lying to them. Please tell me you understand the difference.

I’ve considered suicide but then it turned out that my depression was a side effect of the medication I was on for a serious health condition. Glad I didn’t go through with my plan. I’m having a great life. Can’t believe I could have missed it.

Myself.

When I was in my darkest despair and thought of committing suicide ( about 13 years old) , I realized that I had no one to love my, no one in this world. Then I realized that there is still one person that loves me, myself. At that moment it was clear to me that I will love myself no matter what happened. I hugged myself and said I love you and I will love you forever over and over like crazy person. I believe that if only one person loves you in this world, you will survive. I just need to start with me. Start to be the one who cares .

I know it sounds strange but I don’t know how to explain it. Never thought of committing suicide again since that.

At that moment I felt like it was hard to think of anyone else but your sadness and yourself. I did not feel like I had someone to think of me or someone I care enough not to hurt them when I kill myself. ( I was only 13 so no kids no dogs to think of)
I think you have to find your inner strength and start by be the person who is caring for yourself and your well being. It hard to rely on anyone else in this world, really.( I am 39 years old now, with a kid and wealthy husband and my successful career but still don’t and won’t ever rely on any one for my own happiness.)

I wish DCUM had a mental health forum. This topic, amongst others in MH, needs to be discussed more.

Why can't people just respect the decision of those who choose to end their lives? I don't want to end up helpless and dependent. I have the means and the will to end it before that happens, I hope. Don't judge me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dog.

I’m in my late 20s and always thought I’d be married with kids by now. I think I’ll be alone forever at this point. However, when the dog goes I’ll probably go too.

Hi friend. Listen, someone who suffers from depression and is married with kids here. That is not a goal. I know it's what society teaches us to want, but it absolutely doesn't make life better in and of itself. Kids are HARD. Kids make life far harder and unhappier. I long for the days I was single and childless in my late 20s. It was an amazing time of growth and a time where I could do WHATEVER THE HELL I WANTED. Which you take for granted now. If you currently feel depressed, please do whatever you can to see the appropriate healthcare providers. You will always come out of the funk and be glad that you did not end it. I'll be glad you didn't end it either. Those of us with depression feel so isolated, but we have to stick together. Take care.

I’m the PP and you made me tear up (in a good way!) I think I mainly miss the companionship - I have an awesome day at work or I have a bad day at work and I have no one to celebrate with or vent to. But regardless - I really appreciate you taking the time to provide encouragement, means more than you know

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm afraid I'll traumatize my daughters.

You will. My husbands mom did it, and all five kids were traumatized. They are all now in their 40-50s, but I still think it affect them every single day.

I know someone who killed themselves when their oldest was 5. Most days, the kids still ask why mommy left them and if she’s ever coming back.

Is the family local?

Anonymous wrote:My dog.

I’m in my late 20s and always thought I’d be married with kids by now. I think I’ll be alone forever at this point. However, when the dog goes I’ll probably go too.

Hi friend. Listen, someone who suffers from depression and is married with kids here. That is not a goal. I know it's what society teaches us to want, but it absolutely doesn't make life better in and of itself. Kids are HARD. Kids make life far harder and unhappier. I long for the days I was single and childless in my late 20s. It was an amazing time of growth and a time where I could do WHATEVER THE HELL I WANTED. Which you take for granted now. If you currently feel depressed, please do whatever you can to see the appropriate healthcare providers. You will always come out of the funk and be glad that you did not end it. I'll be glad you didn't end it either. Those of us with depression feel so isolated, but we have to stick together. Take care.

My dog.

I’m in my late 20s and always thought I’d be married with kids by now. I think I’ll be alone forever at this point. However, when the dog goes I’ll probably go too.

I will say, since this is an anonymous forum, that while I have learned a lot about suicide over the years enough to know that suicidal people are not just assholes who don’t care that they will destroy others’ lives. I know that depression makes people delusionally think that their loved ones will be better off without them. But still, it is incredibly hard to actually read posts by people saying stuff like that and not just scream. YOUR DEPRESSION IS MAKING YOU THINK ENDING YOUR LIFE IS A GOOD SOLITIPK BUT IN FACT YOU WILL DESTROY YOURSELF AND YOUR LOVED ONES. If you saw a cow flying through the sky you would know you were hallucinating—in the same way, if you think suicide is a good idea, know that your thinking is messed up and please get help.

If I were as Japanese as I like to think I am I wouldn't have lived so long.

Every day I awaken I continue to disgrace my family.

To expiate the stain I am on my family's honor has to be done by full Bushido. No modern expedient allowed.
Among other things that means a large knife. There is a millennium old prescribed ritual.

I am too much of a coward to do what needs to be done the only way it can be done. I haven't lived honorably but at least I might die honorably.

Secondly, there remains the possibility I can achieve something productive, that benefits the larger society, the personal equivalent of one of history's masterpieces.

So while I work on achieving that masterpiece I deliberately "gray out" my life, denying myself its pleasures the honorable have every right to enjoy.

In word and deed honor the ancestors. Or face the consequences.

Suicide ideation for me is a sign that I need to be on meds or my meds need to be tweaked.