Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe the person who doesn’t go out of their way to air their side of a personal relationship publicly. There’s something wrong with a person who does that.

They do that out of the same heartache as a death.
Millennials need to understand how relationships work and how to communicate. Estrangement is epic in this generation and it is usually a daughter or son in law that draws a line in the sand. I've heard a ton of stories as to why someone thinks their MIL is toxic. They don't know what toxic means. Any comment is misconstrued, ever thought, and taken personally...and then the family is cut off.

I’d argue that people are finally starting to demand to be treated better. Being a MIL doesn’t give you a license to say horrible comments. In previous generations women were expected to just take it. Sorry but no one is treating me badly. People make mistakes, but continue to insult me and cause trouble and yes, you will be cut off.

Or maybe someone is the type of person who needs so much validation that they read slights into everything. That is what I see. I know someone who went to a craft store with her DIL. Mil carried the baby, and saw a friend. The friend said to the MIL, who knew there was a new grandchild, " Is that the new baby?" Mil said " Yes! It's our new addition!"
DIL made her apologize later that night , with the husband/son in tow to watch, for the word "our." " It's not YOUR baby!" She was angry, and crying, that Mom used the word "our." SIL, husband's sister suggested that DIL might be overtired. The entire family has been cut off . It's been years. No contact. There are more stories like this. Don't ever assume there is always the "right" one and inlaws or parents are always monsters.

I'd bet a million dollars that the MIL had been acting like its equally/partially her baby up to that point, and it was that behavior and not the particular words that day that caused the estrangement. Like the MIL complaining that she doesn't get to see "our new baby" enough, for example. The fact is that it's not her baby at ALL unless the parents of the baby want that to be the case.

+1. This is just one example of the MIL overstepping boundaries to steal the spotlight. How many others are there? It makes no sense that the entire family was cut off for one not-huge issue. This story that they don't understand why they're cut off but they're blaming the DIL is the hallmark of a dysfunctional family. They just don't want to admit why.

Postpartum is a very emotional time and it's for the parents, especially the mother, to bond with the baby. Everyone else is supposed to support the couple by doing errands, cooking, cleaning, etc. The baby is the mother's turf. The MIL should have been more careful not to overstep. It's also unbelievable that there wasn't more to the story.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe the person who doesn’t go out of their way to air their side of a personal relationship publicly. There’s something wrong with a person who does that.

They do that out of the same heartache as a death.
Millennials need to understand how relationships work and how to communicate. Estrangement is epic in this generation and it is usually a daughter or son in law that draws a line in the sand. I've heard a ton of stories as to why someone thinks their MIL is toxic. They don't know what toxic means. Any comment is misconstrued, ever thought, and taken personally...and then the family is cut off.

Way to go with overgeneralizations and blanket statements, i am sure this level of nuanced empathy has served you well in life. I am a gen Xer and i know a number of people estranged from family in my age group.

DP. I was born in 1965 and in my grandfather's family, there were several a number of estrangements (my grandfather was the youngest of 13). Anyone who thinks this is a generational phenomena is willfully ignorant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe the person who doesn’t go out of their way to air their side of a personal relationship publicly. There’s something wrong with a person who does that.

They do that out of the same heartache as a death.
Millennials need to understand how relationships work and how to communicate. Estrangement is epic in this generation and it is usually a daughter or son in law that draws a line in the sand. I've heard a ton of stories as to why someone thinks their MIL is toxic. They don't know what toxic means. Any comment is misconstrued, ever thought, and taken personally...and then the family is cut off.

I’d argue that people are finally starting to demand to be treated better. Being a MIL doesn’t give you a license to say horrible comments. In previous generations women were expected to just take it. Sorry but no one is treating me badly. People make mistakes, but continue to insult me and cause trouble and yes, you will be cut off.

Or maybe someone is the type of person who needs so much validation that they read slights into everything. That is what I see. I know someone who went to a craft store with her DIL. Mil carried the baby, and saw a friend. The friend said to the MIL, who knew there was a new grandchild, " Is that the new baby?" Mil said " Yes! It's our new addition!"
DIL made her apologize later that night , with the husband/son in tow to watch, for the word "our." " It's not YOUR baby!" She was angry, and crying, that Mom used the word "our." SIL, husband's sister suggested that DIL might be overtired. The entire family has been cut off . It's been years. No contact. There are more stories like this. Don't ever assume there is always the "right" one and inlaws or parents are always monsters.

I'd bet a million dollars that the MIL had been acting like its equally/partially her baby up to that point, and it was that behavior and not the particular words that day that caused the estrangement. Like the MIL complaining that she doesn't get to see "our new baby" enough, for example. The fact is that it's not her baby at ALL unless the parents of the baby want that to be the case.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe the person who doesn’t go out of their way to air their side of a personal relationship publicly. There’s something wrong with a person who does that.

They do that out of the same heartache as a death.
Millennials need to understand how relationships work and how to communicate. Estrangement is epic in this generation and it is usually a daughter or son in law that draws a line in the sand. I've heard a ton of stories as to why someone thinks their MIL is toxic. They don't know what toxic means. Any comment is misconstrued, ever thought, and taken personally...and then the family is cut off.

I’d argue that people are finally starting to demand to be treated better. Being a MIL doesn’t give you a license to say horrible comments. In previous generations women were expected to just take it. Sorry but no one is treating me badly. People make mistakes, but continue to insult me and cause trouble and yes, you will be cut off.

Or maybe someone is the type of person who needs so much validation that they read slights into everything. That is what I see. I know someone who went to a craft store with her DIL. Mil carried the baby, and saw a friend. The friend said to the MIL, who knew there was a new grandchild, " Is that the new baby?" Mil said " Yes! It's our new addition!"
DIL made her apologize later that night , with the husband/son in tow to watch, for the word "our." " It's not YOUR baby!" She was angry, and crying, that Mom used the word "our." SIL, husband's sister suggested that DIL might be overtired. The entire family has been cut off . It's been years. No contact. There are more stories like this. Don't ever assume there is always the "right" one and inlaws or parents are always monsters.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe the person who doesn’t go out of their way to air their side of a personal relationship publicly. There’s something wrong with a person who does that.

They do that out of the same heartache as a death.
Millennials need to understand how relationships work and how to communicate. Estrangement is epic in this generation and it is usually a daughter or son in law that draws a line in the sand. I've heard a ton of stories as to why someone thinks their MIL is toxic. They don't know what toxic means. Any comment is misconstrued, ever thought, and taken personally...and then the family is cut off.

I’d argue that people are finally starting to demand to be treated better. Being a MIL doesn’t give you a license to say horrible comments. In previous generations women were expected to just take it. Sorry but no one is treating me badly. People make mistakes, but continue to insult me and cause trouble and yes, you will be cut off.

Anonymous wrote:If you know someone who’s toxic, possibly with a personality disorder or mental illness, who’s been cut off, you start to see patterns in their stories. They never know why these bad things happen to them. They apologized, trying to make things right but they didn’t even know what they were apologizing for. They told other family members, don’t worry about me, I’m sure they’ll still let you come.

My parents say the same thing about my sister. In reality, she’s told them several times what she needs them to stop doing and why she’s upset. They apologize and it’s either totally fake and see through, or they’ll come across as sincere then later say they didn’t mean it. Perhaps worst of all is they’ll drag other people into it and make them choose. It’s really unfair.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe the person who doesn’t go out of their way to air their side of a personal relationship publicly. There’s something wrong with a person who does that.

They do that out of the same heartache as a death.
Millennials need to understand how relationships work and how to communicate. Estrangement is epic in this generation and it is usually a daughter or son in law that draws a line in the sand. I've heard a ton of stories as to why someone thinks their MIL is toxic. They don't know what toxic means. Any comment is misconstrued, ever thought, and taken personally...and then the family is cut off.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe the person who doesn’t go out of their way to air their side of a personal relationship publicly. There’s something wrong with a person who does that.

They do that out of the same heartache as a death.
Millennials need to understand how relationships work and how to communicate. Estrangement is epic in this generation and it is usually a daughter or son in law that draws a line in the sand. I've heard a ton of stories as to why someone thinks their MIL is toxic. They don't know what toxic means. Any comment is misconstrued, ever thought, and taken personally...and then the family is cut off.

Way to go with overgeneralizations and blanket statements, i am sure this level of nuanced empathy has served you well in life. I am a gen Xer and i know a number of people estranged from family in my age group.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe the person who doesn’t go out of their way to air their side of a personal relationship publicly. There’s something wrong with a person who does that.

They do that out of the same heartache as a death.
Millennials need to understand how relationships work and how to communicate. Estrangement is epic in this generation and it is usually a daughter or son in law that draws a line in the sand. I've heard a ton of stories as to why someone thinks their MIL is toxic. They don't know what toxic means. Any comment is misconstrued, ever thought, and taken personally...and then the family is cut off.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who asks their son two weeks before the wedding if he is sure?!! Or purchases Disneyland Park tickets for her son and his gf after he tells her he is planning to propose? Yuck.

Parents who know it might not be right.

My father asked me two months before the wedding. He also asked me again right before walking me down the aisle--the wedding photographer caught me giving him a WTF look. He was right, we were divorced 3 yrs later when he left me with a 3 month old who he later gave up for adoption, because he's a complete douchebag. My father was right, and he *knew*.

Anonymous wrote:I believe the person who doesn’t go out of their way to air their side of a personal relationship publicly. There’s something wrong with a person who does that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who asks their son two weeks before the wedding if he is sure?!! Or purchases Disneyland Park tickets for her son and his gf after he tells her he is planning to propose? Yuck.

Parents who know it might not be right.

My father asked me two months before the wedding. He also asked me again right before walking me down the aisle--the wedding photographer caught me giving him a WTF look. He was right, we were divorced 3 yrs later when he left me with a 3 month old who he later gave up for adoption, because he's a complete douchebag. My father was right, and he *knew*.

That is one reason a parent might ask that question. There are many other self-serving reasons a parent might ask this question. Such as not wanting to give up her special status and control over her adult son who used to faun over here and provide assistance whenever asked, like the woman in the story.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who asks their son two weeks before the wedding if he is sure?!! Or purchases Disneyland Park tickets for her son and his gf after he tells her he is planning to propose? Yuck.

Parents who know it might not be right.

My father asked me two months before the wedding. He also asked me again right before walking me down the aisle--the wedding photographer caught me giving him a WTF look. He was right, we were divorced 3 yrs later when he left me with a 3 month old who he later gave up for adoption, because he's a complete douchebag. My father was right, and he *knew*.

Same here. My dad asked me the morning of the wedding. My spouse left me with an infant. Dad was right. I would never, ever consider cutting off my parents. Estrangement is not a acceptable except in cases of criminal and major physical abuse.

Yes, I judge you if you are estranged from your parents over accusations that they are narcissistic or toxic. It's more likely that you are the problem.

you clearly never experienced years of emotiinal abuse. good for you. your judgement is completely inconsequential to others. nobody cuts off a family member light heartedly or without a reason. Their reason doesnt have to make sense to you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who asks their son two weeks before the wedding if he is sure?!! Or purchases Disneyland Park tickets for her son and his gf after he tells her he is planning to propose? Yuck.

Parents who know it might not be right.

My father asked me two months before the wedding. He also asked me again right before walking me down the aisle--the wedding photographer caught me giving him a WTF look. He was right, we were divorced 3 yrs later when he left me with a 3 month old who he later gave up for adoption, because he's a complete douchebag. My father was right, and he *knew*.