Anonymous
03/03/2019 14:05
Subject: NYT: 30 somethings still being bankrolled by their parents
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Wife and i received the very minimum but now self made millionaires. We fully funded the kids educations and now that they are on their own, we are continuing to do so they keep the edge. Our kids remain thankful and know the help is a privelage, and not an entitlement and thus have made best of their opportunities. We consider it our best investment to continue this support. We feel it is best to provide the resource right now rather than leave an inheritance which they may receive in their 60s.....
Just be careful doing this. Lots and lots of well off kids lose steam in their 20s because of ongoing support and end up choosing careers that will not support them. In my husband’s family, the kids of his wealthy uncles are all still dependent as grownups. The kids of the lower and middle class uncles are thriving and independent. Same with a number of people I grew up with. My parents are well off too, but cut us off after college tuition for about 10 years. It really helped us learn frugality and to establish ourselves as adults. Later on they started giving us money here and there, but by that time it was truly a gift; none of us need it. I’m not opposed to helping adults kids if one can afford it. But not for the period of young adulthood when they’re establishing themselves.
+1. My sister’s best friend has loaded parents. They have 5 children and NONE of them are gainfully employed enough to adequately provide for their families. Not one of them can even pay their full mortgage without their parents. FIVE kids and not one can!
Anonymous
03/03/2019 13:21
Subject: NYT: 30 somethings still being bankrolled by their parents
I haven’t taken a penny from my parents since I was 30. Except birthday gifts like Starbucks gift cards ?
Anonymous
03/03/2019 13:15
Subject: NYT: 30 somethings still being bankrolled by their parents
Anonymous wrote:Wife and i received the very minimum but now self made millionaires. We fully funded the kids educations and now that they are on their own, we are continuing to do so they keep the edge. Our kids remain thankful and know the help is a privelage, and not an entitlement and thus have made best of their opportunities. We consider it our best investment to continue this support. We feel it is best to provide the resource right now rather than leave an inheritance which they may receive in their 60s.....
Just be careful doing this. Lots and lots of well off kids lose steam in their 20s because of ongoing support and end up choosing careers that will not support them. In my husband’s family, the kids of his wealthy uncles are all still dependent as grownups. The kids of the lower and middle class uncles are thriving and independent. Same with a number of people I grew up with. My parents are well off too, but cut us off after college tuition for about 10 years. It really helped us learn frugality and to establish ourselves as adults. Later on they started giving us money here and there, but by that time it was truly a gift; none of us need it. I’m not opposed to helping adults kids if one can afford it. But not for the period of young adulthood when they’re establishing themselves.
Anonymous
03/03/2019 12:34
Subject: Re:NYT: 30 somethings still being bankrolled by their parents
Anonymous wrote:
What was your purpose in posting this? Seems mean-spirited.
???
What was the purpose of the NYT in posting this in their front page?
It's just another way of showing the growing wealth inequity in this country. Showing the effects of the inequality. The millennials are being torn apart by this. That is an interesting story.
Anonymous
03/03/2019 12:32
Subject: Re:NYT: 30 somethings still being bankrolled by their parents
Anonymous wrote:aged 21 to 37
This isn't very interesting. Most are in college. Only interesting if it's 25 - 37+ yrs old.
Exactly. I imagine close to 90% of college students are getting financial support from their parents. If the support is concentrated among the early 20’s demographic that’s not news. But then again, it’s not a provocative headline to say that kids in college are bankrolled by their parents...
Anonymous
03/03/2019 12:29
Subject: Re:NYT: 30 somethings still being bankrolled by their parents
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I am one of these millennials and I don’t really care how “sad” it seems to other people. I would have my life together fine without parental help. They have offered me money and support, and so my standard of living is somewhat better. So what? I am married, have 2 great kids, have a great job and they are happy too. Thanks to them we are saving like crazy and ahead of most people financially.
You answered your own question
And? Is your point that you’re jealous or life is unfair? Either way it sounds like a lot of whining.
I'm not the PP, but here is my two cents, Everyone hates a smug, entitled, "born on third" kind of person, always have and most always will. sorry. Life is unfair. most people hate you. I kind of hate you and I don't even know you.
So again it boils down to you’re jealous of me and you’re whining about it. I don’t think I’m the one who needs to worry about being hated.
DP: I think it is a cultural shift or a difference in mindsets in what it means to be an adult. There was a time when letting someone else pay your due (outside of an inheritance) was undignified, or as some DCUM threads say, low-class. People were ashamed that they took money from their parents, which probably carried over from times before there were any social safety nets. Now its almost shameful to admit your parents aren't paying chunks of your house, car, tuition, day-care etc.
This is a very interesting shift indeed. The poster from another country who says this is common in his part of the world is really just pointing out that this is now common in the US. Why is it common? Because people now realize that the opportunity to rise is much, much more limited than it was in the past. I grew up in a time (yes I am old) when you could buy a house on one income (truly) and that income was from a blue collar job. That is no longer the case and people know it. So, yes, those who have parents with money are at a huge advantage. But my generation still holds onto the hope that our kids can make it on their own. The truth is that they cannot and will not. We are becoming more like those countries where it is who you know and how much money you were born into. Sad. Middle class Americans are waking up to this for sure. Just look at the division in this country.
Anonymous
03/03/2019 12:28
Subject: Re:NYT: 30 somethings still being bankrolled by their parents
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:As someone who had no help applying to college (and making financial decisions about college), and no financial help from my parents after turning 18, this article is kind of rage inducing.
Nah. It’s totally worth being an independent adult whose major financial successes have been entirely on her own.
A lot of times money comes with strings. I have pseudo wealthy parents who could pay for things if I asked them. But I would feel like a loser having my parents pay for preschool, our downpayment etc.
Many of the friends whose parents still pay for things have marital problems as a result. Money is rarely free.
This is you trying to make yourself feel better. Lots of people get help with down payments, yearly gifts, etc. Often there is a solid relationship there. My parents gave me a large down payment and I didn’t even ask for it. If there were strings I didn’t see them and they certainly weren’t visible to my spouse, and definitely not a source of tension. And I didn’t buy an extravagant house, I bought a regular house and don’t have a mortgage.
If my husband accepted help from my parents or his I’d consider him a loser who couldn’t support his family. I would never admit this to his face but deep down I’d feel this way. He’s be emasculated if my parents wrote us heck’s or gave us a downpayment. Luckily we make enough money that we don’t need help from our parents. You might think your spouse doesn’t care, but he or she may feel differently.
Anonymous
03/03/2019 11:53
Subject: NYT: 30 somethings still being bankrolled by their parents
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am one of these millennials and I don’t really care how “sad” it seems to other people. I would have my life together fine without parental help. They have offered me money and support, and so my standard of living is somewhat better. So what? I am married, have 2 great kids, have a great job and they are happy too. Thanks to them we are saving like crazy and ahead of most people financially.
You answered your own question
And? Is your point that you’re jealous or life is unfair? Either way it sounds like a lot of whining.
I'm not the PP, but here is my two cents, Everyone hates a smug, entitled, "born on third" kind of person, always have and most always will. sorry. Life is unfair. most people hate you. I kind of hate you and I don't even know you.
So again it boils down to you’re jealous of me and you’re whining about it. I don’t think I’m the one who needs to worry about being hated.
DP: I think it is a cultural shift or a difference in mindsets in what it means to be an adult. There was a time when letting someone else pay your due (outside of an inheritance) was undignified, or as some DCUM threads say, low-class. People were ashamed that they took money from their parents, which probably carried over from times before there were any social safety nets. Now its almost shameful to admit your parents aren't paying chunks of your house, car, tuition, day-care etc.
Anonymous
03/03/2019 11:43
Subject: NYT: 30 somethings still being bankrolled by their parents
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:THE rub comes when people act like they've earned everything on their own, and look down on everyone who has to actually work to maintain a certain lifestyle or worse, to maintain something less.
You’ve learned two critical lessons today-life is unfair and some people are snobs. Good for you!
PP you're responding to -- Generally, I don't give a thought to what people do or don't have. It only enters my head when they bring up how they pay for EVERYTHING on their own, when they've admitted in the past that their parents are footing the bill. I don't begrudge these people. However, when these situations come up, I imagine that their parents still wipe their butts when they go to the potty. Money doesn't roll down hill to me. Whatever. Life doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful.
Also in response to an up-thread comment: I also know some parents that give with strings attached. I certainly wouldn't want to be taking anything from them.
Anonymous
03/03/2019 11:41
Subject: NYT: 30 somethings still being bankrolled by their parents
Anonymous wrote:I just do not care. I had zero help because we were poor. But I am not poor now and I have no problem helping my kid if we need to.
I'm not the type to assign moral superiority to "making it on our own.". I'm also not the type to put strings on my help.
Same. We got to where we are through loans and grants. We help our parents. But we will help our kids too and do no begrudge those with generational wealth as long as they also pay it forward with generous donations or setting up a perpetuating foundation.
Anonymous
03/03/2019 11:34
Subject: NYT: 30 somethings still being bankrolled by their parents
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m an old millennial (37). My parents paid for my undergrad, started 529s for each of my two kids ($5000 initial investment + $50 each month), and gave us $25k at one point because my sibling needed money and they wanted to treat me equally. I don’t feel bad about it. It’s their money. They worked trade and retail jobs but were frugal and savvy investors who retired as millionaires.
The biggest piece is obviously paying for college. I feel like that alone has given me such a huge leg up and I plan to do whatever I can to make sure my kids have the same advantage.
There’s such a “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” mentality in this country, but the deck has been stacked for the wealthy for generations and generations so I don’t know why people are in a twist over it now when the middle class boomers are able to do similarly for their kids.
There is no way a family with two kids would work this kind of job in 2018 and be able to retire as millionaires. The Boomers were amazingly lucky.
I’m not sure. My father was an hvac guy turned welder turned master electrician. When he got calls to work on a holiday weekend, he was earning $60/hr. And that was during the 90s. The trades are still a viable option for motivated individuals.
Anonymous
03/03/2019 11:34
Subject: NYT: 30 somethings still being bankrolled by their parents
Wife and i received the very minimum but now self made millionaires. We fully funded the kids educations and now that they are on their own, we are continuing to do so they keep the edge. Our kids remain thankful and know the help is a privelage, and not an entitlement and thus have made best of their opportunities. We consider it our best investment to continue this support. We feel it is best to provide the resource right now rather than leave an inheritance which they may receive in their 60s.....
Anonymous
03/03/2019 10:52
Subject: NYT: 30 somethings still being bankrolled by their parents
Anonymous wrote:I’m an old millennial (37). My parents paid for my undergrad, started 529s for each of my two kids ($5000 initial investment + $50 each month), and gave us $25k at one point because my sibling needed money and they wanted to treat me equally. I don’t feel bad about it. It’s their money. They worked trade and retail jobs but were frugal and savvy investors who retired as millionaires.
The biggest piece is obviously paying for college. I feel like that alone has given me such a huge leg up and I plan to do whatever I can to make sure my kids have the same advantage.
There’s such a “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” mentality in this country, but the deck has been stacked for the wealthy for generations and generations so I don’t know why people are in a twist over it now when the middle class boomers are able to do similarly for their kids.
There is no way a family with two kids would work this kind of job in 2018 and be able to retire as millionaires. The Boomers were amazingly lucky.
Anonymous
03/03/2019 10:42
Subject: NYT: 30 somethings still being bankrolled by their parents
Anonymous wrote:What was your purpose in posting this? Seems mean-spirited.
???
What was the purpose of the NYT in posting this in their front page?
Anonymous
03/03/2019 10:00
Subject: Re:NYT: 30 somethings still being bankrolled by their parents
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:As someone who had no help applying to college (and making financial decisions about college), and no financial help from my parents after turning 18, this article is kind of rage inducing.
Nah. It’s totally worth being an independent adult whose major financial successes have been entirely on her own.
A lot of times money comes with strings. I have pseudo wealthy parents who could pay for things if I asked them. But I would feel like a loser having my parents pay for preschool, our downpayment etc.
Many of the friends whose parents still pay for things have marital problems as a result. Money is rarely free.
This is you trying to make yourself feel better. Lots of people get help with down payments, yearly gifts, etc. Often there is a solid relationship there. My parents gave me a large down payment and I didn’t even ask for it. If there were strings I didn’t see them and they certainly weren’t visible to my spouse, and definitely not a source of tension. And I didn’t buy an extravagant house, I bought a regular house and don’t have a mortgage.
Nope. I make over 500k HHI. I don’t need help from my parents. I will inherit plenty.