You certainly don't need to do preschool--there are plenty of other ways for kids to learn socialization and routine.

But what is confusing me here is that if you are planning a third child, you will either need to increase your nanny's pay accordingly or pay for preschool. Either option is going to increase your child care expenses, and frankly your preschool option sounds much less expensive than paying your nanny for that time if it's truly only $48 for the day. (I assume a full day is either 6 or 8 hours, so either $8/hour or $6/hour. Not sure where you live, but in our area, both are less than what you'd pay to add a third child to a nanny's care.)

In your shoes, I'd negotiate both a three-child and two-child rate with your nanny. Enroll your oldest in preschool, and while she is at school, you pay the two-child rate. When she is with the nanny, you pay the three-child rate. That way preschool isn't "on top" of your other child care expenses--it is your child care expense. And your nanny can focus on your two younger children while your oldest is at preschool. Win win.

Anonymous wrote:
I have to disagree with most of the other posters.

I agree that the nanny can teach all of the academics that would be covered in preschool but your DD would be missing the critical social and classroom time that is necessary before starting K. Learning how to sit through circle time, line up to go outside, listen to a variety of adults, share toys and materials with classmates, etc etc. I was a K teacher for 10 years and parents really underestimate the social prep kids need. I can teach reading and math to any kid that’s behind but for kids that don’t know the structure of a classroom it’s very obvious and they often struggle.


Genuine question. They will have the same struggle whenever they start though right? It would be an adjustment its just whether that happens at age 4 or age 5? I assume the kids are basically ok by first grade.

Just adding my thoughts to this train of thought.

I would recommend preschool for social and "getting used to a school" routine. You will probably be able to tackle the academic part at home. Any of us with an education can.

BUT I honestly think you're starting her "behind" in so many ways if you don't at least expose her to preschool for a year. #1, you would have someone who is able to tell you if they are READY for school. It's hard to imagine that our kids would not be ready for something like Kindergarten, but Kindergarten is basically what you knew as First Grade.

You will see a mixed bag - kids who have been in daycare since 6 weeks old, 6 months old, etc. and they are very used to an all day schedule - those kids, honestly, seem the best prepared and least ruffled. There are kids that went to preschool half day and they know the routines, their basic numbers/letters, a little bit of reading and how to write their name. All Day preschool, who are somewhere between the Day Care and half day Preschool Kids. Yes, you will find kids that never did preschool, but it's rare.

My kids both did half day church-based preschool and I was happy with their level going into school. But, I saw a large difference in the curriculum from when my daughter was in K vs when my son was (they are 4 years apart at school). With my son, he was expected to know how to read, write sentences, know all his letters and sounds. He was tested on this within the first month of school. In my heart of hearts I knew he would be fine, but we ended up at the teacher's recommendation, getting him tutored half of the school year and he is now on a great track. I'd like to think that he was too young to know that he was "behind," but who knows.

Other options to think about - Mothers Day out programs, Church-Based preschools, and (this might be uncomfortable), just talk to your nanny and tell her the situation. I am sure if you said your child needed to be in school, and for that reason you were reducing her pay $300/month, it is probably not going to be a deal breaker if you are a good fit for her and she likes you. She would only have one child for a part of the day and if you are thinking of a third, she would know she has at least 5-6 more years with you.

Socially, I think a kid needs to go to preschool. Learn how to listen, follow directions, stand in a line, be kind and work in a group, etc. If you're lucky enough to find a preschool near your elementary, you might even walk into K with some buddies. That was HUGE for my kids.

Could your child attend a church? I take my child to church every Sunday and there's a Bible study on Wednesday. I work in the nursery room with him. We're not religious. I basically do this because they pay me and my child benefits from the classroom setting. We have a set schedule.

I'd look into turning the solo nanny into a nanny share and put your oldest in the preschool.

OP, please don't forget that childcare expenses don't automatically stop once your child hits public school. You'll have aftercare, random days off and an entire summer to cover. While the nanny can do some of this for #1, your plan to switch to daycare when #3 hits preschool will ramp up these expenses for #1 and #2. Also, a child who has been in school and with friends all year is going to want something more for part of the summer than hanging around with the nanny and younger siblings. Just work it into your budget.

Anonymous wrote:A good home daycare or quality large center is already doing most of the things they do in preschool. If you have a nanny, they can do most of the prep work for kindergarten. It is absolutely possible to lay a solid foundation for a child without preschool.

+1. You can also find a program that has classes 2 or 3 times a week for a couple of hours to get kids used to being in a classroom. Other than that a good nanny and parents can do what a preschool does from academic perspective.

Anonymous wrote:My bigger concern is that you're spending "every spare dollar" on your nanny, yet you're planning to have a third child. Unless you're expecting salary increases soon, how are you going to afford #3 if you can't even shell out an extra $300/mo to help your already born child prepare for K?

How is that your problem????

Anonymous wrote:There are three main reasons preschool is important -- from least to most (in my opinion):

1) academic
2) listening/following instructions
3) social & self-regulation

I think you could get 1) easily from a nanny, and in any case it is not appropriate to over emphasize academic learning at this age. 2) you could get if your child does any kind of structured activity regularly -- music, dance, gymnastics, etc. If your nanny is good, she'll know how to help your child practice this in appropriate ways in different settings.

What a good preschool will do is structure the environment so that the child becomes increasingly responsible for their own activities, initiating purposeful activity independently and developing the inner discipline and focus to see their projects through. They will also support social interactions so your child learns to cooperate with others, build on their ideas, and navigate various kinds of peer experiences. I think that's something that will be hard to replicate in a home environment or small group just because it depends on having a space set up that is centered on the child -- child sized sinks and tables, child work/play materials, appropriate jobs such as cleaning or serving snack -- and also a number of peers that your child interacts with regularly and develops relationships with.

Personally I feel like most kids could benefit from something like this by 3-4. With a one-on-one adult caregiver, the issue is that the child might be catered to too much or might not be given the proper responsibility and autonomy.

Also, I will say that navigating peer experience is very important. Your child needs to be confronted with and learn to deal with a range of things, from so-and-so doesn't want to play with me to so-and-so calls me stupid/hits me/kicks me/ doesn't stop when I tell them to, etc. At preschool they will play complicated, ongoing pretend games with their peers. They will learn what it means for someone to call them "friend" one day and not the next. They will learn what it means to be a good friend. What happens to them if they brag or act in anti-social ways. Who they want to associate with. And so on. This is vital for age 3-6, I think in some ways the most important thing, because these ages are all about figuring out how you belong to a group, be it your family, your friends, or a larger community. I don't think your nanny will be able to provide that. Of course people did not need "preschool" in years past because it was called living in a village or being part of a large group of moms that hung out together and socialized their kids together. If you have your child at home with the 1.5 year old and nanny most days, that's an issue.

I would personally rethink sacrificing the bimonthly date night, for example, to provide this crucial developmental setting.

There are three main reasons preschool is important -- from least to most (in my opinion):

1) academic
2) listening/following instructions
3) social & self-regulation

I think you could get 1) easily from a nanny, and in any case it is not appropriate to over emphasize academic learning at this age. 2) you could get if your child does any kind of structured activity regularly -- music, dance, gymnastics, etc. If your nanny is good, she'll know how to help your child practice this in appropriate ways in different settings.

What a good preschool will do is structure the environment so that the child becomes increasingly responsible for their own activities, initiating purposeful activity independently and developing the inner discipline and focus to see their projects through. They will also support social interactions so your child learns to cooperate with others, build on their ideas, and navigate various kinds of peer experiences. I think that's something that will be hard to replicate in a home environment or small group just because it depends on having a space set up that is centered on the child -- child sized sinks and tables, child work/play materials, appropriate jobs such as cleaning or serving snack -- and also a number of peers that your child interacts with regularly and develops relationships with.

Personally I feel like most kids could benefit from something like this by 3-4. With a one-on-one adult caregiver, the issue is that the child might be catered to too much or might not be given the proper responsibility and autonomy.

Anonymous wrote:I’m a preschool teacher (at a part-day church houses play based preschool). Here’s my 2 cents: I think whether or not your child will have a successful transition to Kindergarten without any preschool entirely depends on the personality of your child. If your child is generally a good listener to both parents and nanny and grandparents, this is a pro. If your child has an average to good attention span for preferred activities and a decent attention span to non-preferred activities, then this is another pro. If she can listen to a book being read to her without interrupting. If she handle disappointment when she doesn’t get her way. If she can share toys with neighbor peers (not just her siblings) then this is a pro. If she can do most of the above, she will likely be okay in kindergarten.

I'm a public school pre-k teacher and I agree. My son started 2 day a week preschool shortly before he turned 4. We did it for a few months then had the opportunity to travel so I pulled him out. His only other exposure to school was a rec program where he played for 3 hours per day twice a week. He did very well in Kindergarten. He is mellow, has a lot of exposure to different environments, and follows directions well so I knew he'd be ok.

Are you in an area where everyone does preschool? If so, it’s a disservice not to send her. I mean, yes, she’ll eventuallu adjust and learn everything she needs to in K/1st, but being substantially behind her peers at the beginnings can affect how the teacher perceives/treats her and how she feels about herself. Separately, how receptive will she be to academics from your or nanny? How much socialization to does she currently get with kids her own age she hasn’t known for so long that she can’t remember meeting them?

We are in your exact position (well, a year in front of you as we have 4, 2 and newborn age children) and paid for preschool starting at 3. Oldest is now at free preschool, so we have a year off. Middle will start paid preschool next year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have no idea what your child is like away from you/nanny/siblings in a classroom setting. This information is *extremely valuable*. You might find that your child is very timid and shy. Or has trouble making friends. Or can’t regulate emotions on her own. Or needs OT. In the preschool setting, you are provided with a lot of feedback and tools to help with this. Once you get to K, esp in a big public school, children are expected to know how to navigate peer relationships, wait their turns, advocate for themselves, etc. There is much less hand-holding. I absolutely would not skip preschool. Esp if you have $40k to spend on childcare annually. Think about your children’s needs not what’s most convenient for your work schedule.

I said earlier she was in daycare from 6 months to 1.5. She was very very social and took to it like a fish to water. Her teachers cried on her last day. I'm not saying she's the perfect kid or anything, but anytime she's been in a situation like that she's flourished. They have been much fewer and far between recently though.

She was put in an emergency daycare last spring for a week because of a complicated situation and had a VERY hard time with that but I think a multitude of factors contributed to that (was only for four days, had never been there before, we were staying with relatives in an unfamiliar house, VERY chaotic week where we were commuting for almost 2 hours a day so sudden dramatic shift without a long enough period for her to fully adjust).

I'm not the PP. Presumably you know your kid and you seem to be confident she will handle it. I think the transition to K has more in common with the day care situation of last spring than with her placement in day care as an infant. My older child also was in day care for a time when he was that age and I wouldn't say it had any relevance to how he adjusted to preschool and K. He also is a definite rule follower but had a much greater capacity for worry and anxiety as a 5 year old than as an infant/toddler.

I don't think preschool has the same value for every kid but I think PP made a valid point about the challenges she may face in K. For example, I know some kids (not mine, but who went to preschool) who have struggled in the cafeteria because it's loud and overwhelming. So they would be upset and not really eat and then be even more tired and have trouble focusing, etc. I would be less worried about whether she's reading and more about whether she will raise her hand to get a new adult's attention when she needs to use the bathroom. Stuff like that. I think the challenges will be in dealing with a very large somewhat chaotic environment on her own for 6+ hours a day. As the PP said, it requires a bit of assertiveness/confidence and unfortunately it may be difficult for a teacher who does not know her, and who has a class full of 5-6 year olds, to pick up on and handle issues the way you may expect. And I wouldn't necessarily expect a tired new kindergartner to give you a useful recap of the day regardless. I don't think it's insurmountable but I wouldn't just dismiss the input you're getting here.

I'm not at all. It has given me a lot to think about actually! I just feel like I do know her and a lot of the things you talk about here I am concerned about (cafeteria example absolutely rang true) but generally being able to form a bond with her teacher, follow rules and be social aren't the things I'm worried about.

No worries- I think she'll be fine. I'm sure she'll be fine. Just be prepared to give whatever extra support you can! Like for our school district, we get the teacher assignment the week before school and then go in for an open house. I would talk to the teacher and explain that it's her first time in school (even if you filled out a questionnaire so stating when registering her) and ask if you can just email or check in after a couple of weeks to see whether there are any issues or anything the teacher wants your daughter to work on.

Something will crop up, I don't think any kid gets through K without any challenges! Like I can tell you my kids both went to preschool, but my older son struggled a bit in K on the playground. There were like 90+ kids out there at once instead of the 20 or so in his preschool class and a bunch of nights he cried before bed because he said he couldn't find anyone to play with. It was not the end of the world and we worked on strategies. But his teacher didn't know what I was talking about because the K teachers were not on the playground at recess (only the K assistants) and she just kept saying that he had lots of friends in the classroom. Or at some point during the year I remember he got super weird and self conscious about asking to go to the bathroom. Why? I have no idea. He had no idea, but yet had wet pants a bunch of times. But again, the absence of a kid asking to use the bathroom isn't really something a teacher is going to notice, so I had to just check in with her about it. I guess my point is just...I was getting great reports from the teacher because he is/was so well behaved and got along with the other kids. No fighting, good sharing, followed instructions, on target academically. But still there were a couple of adjustment issues. I think that's the kind of thing preschool helps with but it's not a silver bullet (obviously, per my experience). And as the PP said it's a bit more difficult for a K teacher to focus on this type of issue because there is a lot more on the teacher's plate- bigger class, tighter schedule and academic requirements, in and out for specials (art, music, gym, etc) kids who may have IEPs or other special needs, there's a lot going on.

We have a nanny and one kid in pre school. She has learned amazing things and I’m so happy we put her in. I just think of the extra cost as a short term thing that we will get through.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have no idea what your child is like away from you/nanny/siblings in a classroom setting. This information is *extremely valuable*. You might find that your child is very timid and shy. Or has trouble making friends. Or can’t regulate emotions on her own. Or needs OT. In the preschool setting, you are provided with a lot of feedback and tools to help with this. Once you get to K, esp in a big public school, children are expected to know how to navigate peer relationships, wait their turns, advocate for themselves, etc. There is much less hand-holding. I absolutely would not skip preschool. Esp if you have $40k to spend on childcare annually. Think about your children’s needs not what’s most convenient for your work schedule.

I said earlier she was in daycare from 6 months to 1.5. She was very very social and took to it like a fish to water. Her teachers cried on her last day. I'm not saying she's the perfect kid or anything, but anytime she's been in a situation like that she's flourished. They have been much fewer and far between recently though.

She was put in an emergency daycare last spring for a week because of a complicated situation and had a VERY hard time with that but I think a multitude of factors contributed to that (was only for four days, had never been there before, we were staying with relatives in an unfamiliar house, VERY chaotic week where we were commuting for almost 2 hours a day so sudden dramatic shift without a long enough period for her to fully adjust).

I'm not the PP. Presumably you know your kid and you seem to be confident she will handle it. I think the transition to K has more in common with the day care situation of last spring than with her placement in day care as an infant. My older child also was in day care for a time when he was that age and I wouldn't say it had any relevance to how he adjusted to preschool and K. He also is a definite rule follower but had a much greater capacity for worry and anxiety as a 5 year old than as an infant/toddler.

I don't think preschool has the same value for every kid but I think PP made a valid point about the challenges she may face in K. For example, I know some kids (not mine, but who went to preschool) who have struggled in the cafeteria because it's loud and overwhelming. So they would be upset and not really eat and then be even more tired and have trouble focusing, etc. I would be less worried about whether she's reading and more about whether she will raise her hand to get a new adult's attention when she needs to use the bathroom. Stuff like that. I think the challenges will be in dealing with a very large somewhat chaotic environment on her own for 6+ hours a day. As the PP said, it requires a bit of assertiveness/confidence and unfortunately it may be difficult for a teacher who does not know her, and who has a class full of 5-6 year olds, to pick up on and handle issues the way you may expect. And I wouldn't necessarily expect a tired new kindergartner to give you a useful recap of the day regardless. I don't think it's insurmountable but I wouldn't just dismiss the input you're getting here.

I'm not at all. It has given me a lot to think about actually! I just feel like I do know her and a lot of the things you talk about here I am concerned about (cafeteria example absolutely rang true) but generally being able to form a bond with her teacher, follow rules and be social aren't the things I'm worried about.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have no idea what your child is like away from you/nanny/siblings in a classroom setting. This information is *extremely valuable*. You might find that your child is very timid and shy. Or has trouble making friends. Or can’t regulate emotions on her own. Or needs OT. In the preschool setting, you are provided with a lot of feedback and tools to help with this. Once you get to K, esp in a big public school, children are expected to know how to navigate peer relationships, wait their turns, advocate for themselves, etc. There is much less hand-holding. I absolutely would not skip preschool. Esp if you have $40k to spend on childcare annually. Think about your children’s needs not what’s most convenient for your work schedule.

I said earlier she was in daycare from 6 months to 1.5. She was very very social and took to it like a fish to water. Her teachers cried on her last day. I'm not saying she's the perfect kid or anything, but anytime she's been in a situation like that she's flourished. They have been much fewer and far between recently though.

She was put in an emergency daycare last spring for a week because of a complicated situation and had a VERY hard time with that but I think a multitude of factors contributed to that (was only for four days, had never been there before, we were staying with relatives in an unfamiliar house, VERY chaotic week where we were commuting for almost 2 hours a day so sudden dramatic shift without a long enough period for her to fully adjust).

I'm not the PP. Presumably you know your kid and you seem to be confident she will handle it. I think the transition to K has more in common with the day care situation of last spring than with her placement in day care as an infant. My older child also was in day care for a time when he was that age and I wouldn't say it had any relevance to how he adjusted to preschool and K. He also is a definite rule follower but had a much greater capacity for worry and anxiety as a 5 year old than as an infant/toddler.

I don't think preschool has the same value for every kid but I think PP made a valid point about the challenges she may face in K. For example, I know some kids (not mine, but who went to preschool) who have struggled in the cafeteria because it's loud and overwhelming. So they would be upset and not really eat and then be even more tired and have trouble focusing, etc. I would be less worried about whether she's reading and more about whether she will raise her hand to get a new adult's attention when she needs to use the bathroom. Stuff like that. I think the challenges will be in dealing with a very large somewhat chaotic environment on her own for 6+ hours a day. As the PP said, it requires a bit of assertiveness/confidence and unfortunately it may be difficult for a teacher who does not know her, and who has a class full of 5-6 year olds, to pick up on and handle issues the way you may expect. And I wouldn't necessarily expect a tired new kindergartner to give you a useful recap of the day regardless. I don't think it's insurmountable but I wouldn't just dismiss the input you're getting here.