Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Celebrated 17 years of marriage with my former AP, in December

Just because you are married does not make it positive. Especially not for the people who are your collateral damage.

I am not this PP, but I disagree. If there where no kids and ex is also happily remarried, it was likely the best choice for all.

No, having an affair wasn’t the “best chooce”. The best choice would have been to not cheat and simply tell the spouse you wanted a divorce. Then the ex could have remarried without the pain and trauma of deep personal betrayal.

You are projecting. Some people do not want to get divorced.

Ummm? Some people agreed to monogamous marriage and do not want to remain in a marriage which, unbeknownst to them, is not monogamous. Why is your desire not to get divorced more important than the desire of the victim spouse for monogamy. At least be transparent and don’t lie (which is what infidelity is).


If monogamy wasn’t part of your marriage bargain, then this doesn’t apply yo you.

I am talking about the spouse that was cheated on. Not every one who is cheated on wants a divorce. Many don't.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he's now my DH and we have two kids.

Same here. Nothing really for my kids to find out. My ex and I married very young. He is married to the woman he met when we were separating and he has a child also. It was messy for a bit but now it’s like it never happened.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of mine were a positive experience. I don't regret any of them.

Positive for you but not positive for your victim partner, I would bet.

Actually, no negatives for her that I can think of. Our marriage suffered before the affairs and was much happier during them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Celebrated 17 years of marriage with my former AP, in December

Just because you are married does not make it positive. Especially not for the people who are your collateral damage.

I am not this PP, but I disagree. If there where no kids and ex is also happily remarried, it was likely the best choice for all.

No, having an affair wasn’t the “best chooce”. The best choice would have been to not cheat and simply tell the spouse you wanted a divorce. Then the ex could have remarried without the pain and trauma of deep personal betrayal.

You are projecting. Some people do not want to get divorced.

Ummm? Some people agreed to monogamous marriage and do not want to remain in a marriage which, unbeknownst to them, is not monogamous. Why is your desire not to get divorced more important than the desire of the victim spouse for monogamy. At least be transparent and don’t lie (which is what infidelity is).


If monogamy wasn’t part of your marriage bargain, then this doesn’t apply yo you.

If the marriage became sexless then it doesn’t apply either. Monogamy only covers sexually active marriages.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Celebrated 17 years of marriage with my former AP, in December

Just because you are married does not make it positive. Especially not for the people who are your collateral damage.

I am not this PP, but I disagree. If there where no kids and ex is also happily remarried, it was likely the best choice for all.

No, having an affair wasn’t the “best chooce”. The best choice would have been to not cheat and simply tell the spouse you wanted a divorce. Then the ex could have remarried without the pain and trauma of deep personal betrayal.

You are projecting. Some people do not want to get divorced.

Ummm? Some people agreed to monogamous marriage and do not want to remain in a marriage which, unbeknownst to them, is not monogamous. Why is your desire not to get divorced more important than the desire of the victim spouse for monogamy. At least be transparent and don’t lie (which is what infidelity is).


If monogamy wasn’t part of your marriage bargain, then this doesn’t apply yo you.

During the 23rd year of my 25 year marriage I had a brief fling with a guy I met in an AOL chat room, he lived in Wisconsin and ultimately he flew to the DC area for a few days for business. We got together and had a great time for a few days. We lunched, played pool, hung out, and had some great sex. It was awesome.

My marriage had been sex free for about five years at that point. After the guy went home I was discussing the affair with another guy I knew online and he said I should not cheat on my husband but instead should start divorce proceedings. I decided he was right and that's what I did.

So, it was lots of fun and my husband and at the time almost grown kids knew nothing about it. Totally positive, although I'm sure someone here on DCUM will gladly tell me how it was also in some way negative.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Celebrated 17 years of marriage with my former AP, in December

Just because you are married does not make it positive. Especially not for the people who are your collateral damage.

I am not this PP, but I disagree. If there where no kids and ex is also happily remarried, it was likely the best choice for all.

No, having an affair wasn’t the “best chooce”. The best choice would have been to not cheat and simply tell the spouse you wanted a divorce. Then the ex could have remarried without the pain and trauma of deep personal betrayal.

You are projecting. Some people do not want to get divorced.

Anonymous wrote:All of mine were a positive experience. I don't regret any of them.

Positive for you but not positive for your victim partner, I would bet.

All of mine were a positive experience. I don't regret any of them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Celebrated 17 years of marriage with my former AP, in December

Just because you are married does not make it positive. Especially not for the people who are your collateral damage.

I am not this PP, but I disagree. If there where no kids and ex is also happily remarried, it was likely the best choice for all.

No, having an affair wasn’t the “best chooce”. The best choice would have been to not cheat and simply tell the spouse you wanted a divorce. Then the ex could have remarried without the pain and trauma of deep personal betrayal.

Anonymous wrote:I had a several month affair. I ended it because I decided it wasn't who I was. It was positive for me because I moved on from tha temptation. My homelike was headed in a negative direction but somehow the affair woke things up. Maybe it was coincidence but I tend to think it breathed life back into me and my partner felt that sexual energy and responded to it.

While it may not have been as smooth of a road for AP, I believe things, in general, had a positive outcome. Going from being dead inside sexually to discovering how much sex is a part of your life is a good thing. Things on the home front didn't rekindle for AP but there is a new sexual being that keeps that spark igniting.

So I think it's rare but possible.

I think this is more common than you think. Disgruntled/bored spouse seeks greener grass, sees it’s not so green, and doubles down on their efforts with their wife/husband and at home.