The 11 year old is 16 or 17 now.

It's none of your goddamn business what your daughter is reading if it causes no harm. If she'd like to read scary books she should read them, so long as they don't interfere with her sleep or give her fear of the dark.
I didn't have sex until my early 20s and have been reading erotica since I was 10. My mother hated it, I didn't care. Neither does your daughter. Every method my mom tried couldn't keep me away from it. The problem will be the same with your daughter.
Leave her alone until she has sex. Then it's an issue. Until then, be happy she's reading instead of scrolling Tiktok or smoking (yes, 11-year-olds do that!).

She's probably masturbating a lot and is exercising her most important sex organ: her brain. I've always preferred erotica to porn and it's arguably "healthier" too. She's a normal, healthy sexual human. I wouldn't worry about it at all. OP should chill and get her nose out of her daughter's sex life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again, just to clarify, she is not reading YA romances. This book is definitely for adults. Please folks, I need some useful advice and not a DCUM putdown festival.

It’s fine, honestly. I read adult sexual romance very early too. It didn’t make me less of a person. I didn’t lose my virginity early or have multiple partners. I got good grades, and read a lot. All will be fine.

Yeah. I was a reader and at 11 or 12 found plenty of mainstream books with explicit scenes (remember Harold Robbins, anyone? Super kinky and it was on a lot of mainstream suburban bookshelves in the 90s.). Was reading it at least by 12. I also wrote my own “smut” from 12-18. I had a lot of notebooks...

Anyway, this was pre-internet. I do see the dilemma here. Definitely talk to your daughter openly, and without shaming her. My mom was really good about conveying her concerns to me about safe sex, etc. but also letting me know that exploring sexuality was normal and healthy. I always took her concerns seriously. I was sexually experimenting a lot in high school but I didn’t have actual intercourse until I was 19 and even with some of the bad boys I dated in my 20’s, I never let anyone treat me with disrespect or in a way that I regret now. I feel like I was really empowered and it had a lot to do with the Open dialogue around these issues in my house. I mean no one WANTS to talk about this stuff and it is awkward but it pays off and is worth it! It is so important for kids to feel like their parents are not clueless a pbout this stuff, and can even be a source of support.

OP, I'm South Asian American and started reading Harlequins around 12, and since then have read way more hardcore erotic romance books. My parents never found out and still don't lol.

She'll be ok, though I do understand your hesitation with her age. Maybe suggest some teen romance books to her?

I read Flowers in the Attic at about 11/12 and honestly, I didn't really even fully process what all I was reading. It didn't all really sink in as I didn't know enough about sex to make it all make sense. I got some of it but not all of it.

I read it again a few years later as a teen and it was like reading a whole different book.

Isn’t 50 shades of gray a high school reading requirement?

I got these adult romance books from the library when i was a kid (yes, 11). I assume my kids read it too. It's gross and titillating say the same time. Loved it! They were really big books. She'll be ok.

If you grew up in an Asian conservative household, I'm gonna need to know what you consider, "very, very explicit."

Also, your kid is going to be the school whore, I just know it.

I also grew up in a very conservative immigrant household. I was also reading this stuff at her age.

Anonymous wrote:It's not smut- they actually have porn books. This is just normal romance novels.

[b]At least she's reading books? I know a lot of people read easy fun books like that as stress relief.

They do? I didn't know that.

Anonymous wrote:I am so upset. My 11yo DD has been glued to her Kindle recently. Turns out she’s been reading romance novels with very very explicit sex scenes. I grew in a very conservative Asian household so I don’t know how to handle this. Is this ok? I can’t forbid at this point because the cat is already out of the bag. Help!!

Smut! omg!!!!

Seriously, talk with her about it in a non confrontational, non-judgmental way. Yes, you can forbid "smut" on the grounds that she doesn't have the life experience to appreciate smut and put it into context. Like others, I am much less concerned about reading explicit sex scenes than actually seeing them. At a certain age (older than eleven obviously) I think women reading some romance (i.e. soft porn) is healthy- it's not intense enough to be addictive or create unrealistic expectations, but it does tend to raise one's standards of what constitutes "good sex."

Ha. I remember reading my grandma's collection of Harlequin romances when I was a tween. (Not to mention Clan of the Cave Bear!)

There's a wide variety of "explicit" sex scenes--I'd look at what she was actually reading and get a sense of what you're dealing with. If you don't think she should read it, talk to her about it, but you really can't ban it. I'd tell her that those kind of books don't always depict sex accurately, and they don't always depict healthy romantic relationships. Encourage her to come to you with any questions and promise to answer them without judgment.

I was reading Flowers in the Attic at 11. It's totally fine.

Yup, I am Asian American as well and read Flowers in the Attic in middle school along with half of America's teen girls. If I hadn't had that experience, I would have been totally shocked if I knew my 6th grade daughter (now 10th grade) had been reading that kind of stuff. So I understand your reaction. (Go read about Flowers in the Attic on some websites so you know how explicit we are talking about -- even as an adult I think it was very explicit and dealt with hot button topics like incest.). So, I think you should leave it alone. Talk to her in general, as you probably do, about your values, etc. but don't censor her reading and don't embarrass her or even let on you know what she's been reading. Good luck.