Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should accept your fate. Life with an only has many advantages. You can"t override a spouse on this.

Spouses can be replaced with more like-minded ones.

Only the women, are replaceable, men can date 20 years younger

Anonymous wrote:39 is young. That was my age when I had my third (husband was 44). Keep trying it might happen.

Hahaha no, over 36 if advance maternal age.

We adopted when my husband was 50. That was 8 years ago.

I found IUIs to be helpful for taking the pressure off sex. When the time comes, you get an IUI, otherwise you have sex when you want to so your sex life is basically separated from your reproductive life. IUIs are very low tech, it’s like a Pap test and you can do them unmedicated.

Some people say adoption is not the right thing for me. OP you need to respect that.

Anonymous wrote:You should accept your fate. Life with an only has many advantages. You can"t override a spouse on this.

Spouses can be replaced with more like-minded ones.

I'm an adoptive single mom and my adoption process *was* a cakewalk. Raising my daughter from SE Asia *is* a cakewalk. She is now a senior in high school and heading for any college of her choice.

So for some, adoption is a cakewalk

You should accept your fate. Life with an only has many advantages. You can"t override a spouse on this.

If his heart isn't in it, then it should be a no go.

Fertility treatments or one and done.

OP, have you thought about just having fun having sex and et nature take it's course? Take a break for a month or two?

You do know that if you get pregnant there is no guarantee you will have a girl, how would you feel if you end up having two boys? Would you want to try for a third then?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he's satisfied with the one child. Can't you join him?

We started down this path because he wanted another - turns out another biological child only. I incorrectly thought adoption was an option. Option only - I know it’s a complicated, lengthy process and we might have decided for a variety of reasons not pursue it.

I agree it would be wonderful if I could just be satisfied with what I have. I have some resent towards him because he lobbied hard for a second child - I needed to be convinced - and now I’m sort of stuck not getting a second child.

I"m sorry OP, I'm having a hard time sympathizing with you. You are NOT stuck not "getting a second child". You are choosing to only have a child one way - adoption. You, in all likelihood at 39, can have another child with a little help. Fertility treatments are a real option, but you are CHOOSING not to pursue them. That's fine. It's obviously not a financial issue, as adoption is just as expensive, if not more so, than most fertility protocols. It is fine if you don't want to do that for whatever your reasons are, but then you can't discount your husbands reasons for not wanting to adopt. You sound, and forgive the play on words, but childish.

Anonymous wrote:Try to foster an infant. No guarantee that it will lead to adoption, but I bet DH’s bias against adoption will go away once there is actually a baby in your house.

How will they even get qualified to foster if both parties are not on board?

Try to foster an infant. No guarantee that it will lead to adoption, but I bet DH’s bias against adoption will go away once there is actually a baby in your house.

Why not pursue international adoption? Those babies are much less likely to suffer from drug/alcohol issues and are being given away only because their mothers are unmarried (it's a huge taboo in other non-Anglo countries).

I would be more upset about a husband who did not want to get a infertility diagnosis than one who is honest that he doesn’t want to adopt. There are several treatments before getting to IVF. I found a great RE who diagnosed a thyroid issue and I got pregnant naturally after being on Synthroid.