Anonymous wrote:If you keep babying your adult children you’re never going to get grandkids....

Yet...these are the kids who succeed, get a job, get married and start a family...and they don't even get divorced. Why is that involved parents who are guiding their children have all the luck and are able to enjoy the fruits of their labors? Why are the free-range kids remain that - free-range and irresponsible?

If you keep babying your adult children you’re never going to get grandkids....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would sit down for a serious conversation to discuss waht happened in fall, and to assess the spring semester schedule and whether it is too much. For instance, you could suggest that they drop 3 credits and take them over summer. Or discuss whether they are in the right major.

This serious conversation demonstrates that performance in class is important and that you care about it, just as you did in high school. It also may give you insight about whether the kid just slacked off or really struggled (both things happen in school).

And hopefully gets them to 'own' the problem and the solution. They probably don't want to spend summer in summer school so would find a way to improve things for spring semester on their own.

I wouldn’t be giving advice either. What are your qualifications to give an adult recommendations for college? Are you a college counselor? Did you study something similar in college recently? Do you understand the grading in his major? Do you understand his transition and know everything that’s been going on in his life? You should not be recommending that he choose another major or directing his life unless he asks for that advice. If he’s passing leave him alone. If he’s not passing give him another semester or two to straighten things out in his own way. Ask if he needs anything.

My DD just got back from her first semester at college and we haven’t even asked her grades and not will we. We asked her if she still likes the college (she does). She’s still alive. That’s enough.

Ummm, I wouldn't have sent my kid away to college if I my only hope was that he make it back home for break alive and breathing.

He's at college presumably because he wants a college degree. If he has hit some stumbling blocks during his first semester I would hope that he 1) took it upon himself to meet with a college advisor 2) could let me know what his plan was for improving his performance next semester.

What's going on? Too many distractions? Not the right major? Bad fit of school? Inadequate studying/preparation? Depression?

Of course I want to know how that first semester went - good or bad. I am on his side 100% no matter what. Always have been, always will be.

Now is the time for getting help (tutors, therapy, change of course etc).

Ladies!!! You have to stop making your kids your life’s project. You have to let go.
They have all of those things for him on campus. They have advising, they have therapy and they have tutoring. They even have healthcare right on campus. You have to let your kids start directing their own lives. College is a transition but really it’s not that difficult because everything is right there on campus for them.
You are handicapping them by being too involved.

Anonymous wrote:“She’s still alive, that’s enough”

LOL! Either you’re a multi-millionaire or more than likely not paying a cent via financial aid. Easy to be carefree and have no standards when you’re not writing $35,000 checks each semester.

We are paying a s$&t-ton a month & it’s killing us, thanks.

Anonymous wrote:“She’s still alive, that’s enough”

LOL! Either you’re a multi-millionaire or more than likely not paying a cent via financial aid. Easy to be carefree and have no standards when you’re not writing $35,000 checks each semester.

No, I raised my kid. She’s an adult now.
Yes, we do get some FA and also pays 6k towards her own college.
I don’t get into her business.
And yes - she is alive!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would sit down for a serious conversation to discuss waht happened in fall, and to assess the spring semester schedule and whether it is too much. For instance, you could suggest that they drop 3 credits and take them over summer. Or discuss whether they are in the right major.

This serious conversation demonstrates that performance in class is important and that you care about it, just as you did in high school. It also may give you insight about whether the kid just slacked off or really struggled (both things happen in school).

And hopefully gets them to 'own' the problem and the solution. They probably don't want to spend summer in summer school so would find a way to improve things for spring semester on their own.

I wouldn’t be giving advice either. What are your qualifications to give an adult recommendations for college? Are you a college counselor? Did you study something similar in college recently? Do you understand the grading in his major? Do you understand his transition and know everything that’s been going on in his life? You should not be recommending that he choose another major or directing his life unless he asks for that advice. If he’s passing leave him alone. If he’s not passing give him another semester or two to straighten things out in his own way. Ask if he needs anything.

My DD just got back from her first semester at college and we haven’t even asked her grades and not will we. We asked her if she still likes the college (she does). She’s still alive. That’s enough.

Ummm, I wouldn't have sent my kid away to college if I my only hope was that he make it back home for break alive and breathing.

He's at college presumably because he wants a college degree. If he has hit some stumbling blocks during his first semester I would hope that he 1) took it upon himself to meet with a college advisor 2) could let me know what his plan was for improving his performance next semester.

What's going on? Too many distractions? Not the right major? Bad fit of school? Inadequate studying/preparation? Depression?

Of course I want to know how that first semester went - good or bad. I am on his side 100% no matter what. Always have been, always will be.

My kid is at a top 5 college. My kid is done and raised unless she requests something of us. She didn’t even need or want any direction in high school and turned out just fine.

“She’s still alive, that’s enough”

LOL! Either you’re a multi-millionaire or more than likely not paying a cent via financial aid. Easy to be carefree and have no standards when you’re not writing $35,000 checks each semester.

A good thrashing always helps with grades!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would sit down for a serious conversation to discuss waht happened in fall, and to assess the spring semester schedule and whether it is too much. For instance, you could suggest that they drop 3 credits and take them over summer. Or discuss whether they are in the right major.

This serious conversation demonstrates that performance in class is important and that you care about it, just as you did in high school. It also may give you insight about whether the kid just slacked off or really struggled (both things happen in school).

And hopefully gets them to 'own' the problem and the solution. They probably don't want to spend summer in summer school so would find a way to improve things for spring semester on their own.

I wouldn’t be giving advice either. What are your qualifications to give an adult recommendations for college? Are you a college counselor? Did you study something similar in college recently? Do you understand the grading in his major? Do you understand his transition and know everything that’s been going on in his life? You should not be recommending that he choose another major or directing his life unless he asks for that advice. If he’s passing leave him alone. If he’s not passing give him another semester or two to straighten things out in his own way. Ask if he needs anything.

My DD just got back from her first semester at college and we haven’t even asked her grades and not will we. We asked her if she still likes the college (she does). She’s still alive. That’s enough.

Ummm, I wouldn't have sent my kid away to college if I my only hope was that he make it back home for break alive and breathing.

He's at college presumably because he wants a college degree. If he has hit some stumbling blocks during his first semester I would hope that he 1) took it upon himself to meet with a college advisor 2) could let me know what his plan was for improving his performance next semester.

What's going on? Too many distractions? Not the right major? Bad fit of school? Inadequate studying/preparation? Depression?

Of course I want to know how that first semester went - good or bad. I am on his side 100% no matter what. Always have been, always will be.

Now is the time for getting help (tutors, therapy, change of course etc).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would sit down for a serious conversation to discuss waht happened in fall, and to assess the spring semester schedule and whether it is too much. For instance, you could suggest that they drop 3 credits and take them over summer. Or discuss whether they are in the right major.

This serious conversation demonstrates that performance in class is important and that you care about it, just as you did in high school. It also may give you insight about whether the kid just slacked off or really struggled (both things happen in school).

And hopefully gets them to 'own' the problem and the solution. They probably don't want to spend summer in summer school so would find a way to improve things for spring semester on their own.

I wouldn’t be giving advice either. What are your qualifications to give an adult recommendations for college? Are you a college counselor? Did you study something similar in college recently? Do you understand the grading in his major? Do you understand his transition and know everything that’s been going on in his life? You should not be recommending that he choose another major or directing his life unless he asks for that advice. If he’s passing leave him alone. If he’s not passing give him another semester or two to straighten things out in his own way. Ask if he needs anything.

My DD just got back from her first semester at college and we haven’t even asked her grades and not will we. We asked her if she still likes the college (she does). She’s still alive. That’s enough.

Ummm, I wouldn't have sent my kid away to college if I my only hope was that he make it back home for break alive and breathing.

He's at college presumably because he wants a college degree. If he has hit some stumbling blocks during his first semester I would hope that he 1) took it upon himself to meet with a college advisor 2) could let me know what his plan was for improving his performance next semester.

What's going on? Too many distractions? Not the right major? Bad fit of school? Inadequate studying/preparation? Depression?

Of course I want to know how that first semester went - good or bad. I am on his side 100% no matter what. Always have been, always will be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would sit down for a serious conversation to discuss waht happened in fall, and to assess the spring semester schedule and whether it is too much. For instance, you could suggest that they drop 3 credits and take them over summer. Or discuss whether they are in the right major.

This serious conversation demonstrates that performance in class is important and that you care about it, just as you did in high school. It also may give you insight about whether the kid just slacked off or really struggled (both things happen in school).

And hopefully gets them to 'own' the problem and the solution. They probably don't want to spend summer in summer school so would find a way to improve things for spring semester on their own.

I wouldn’t be giving advice either. What are your qualifications to give an adult recommendations for college? Are you a college counselor? Did you study something similar in college recently? Do you understand the grading in his major? Do you understand his transition and know everything that’s been going on in his life? You should not be recommending that he choose another major or directing his life unless he asks for that advice. If he’s passing leave him alone. If he’s not passing give him another semester or two to straighten things out in his own way. Ask if he needs anything.

My DD just got back from her first semester at college and we haven’t even asked her grades and not will we. We asked her if she still likes the college (she does). She’s still alive. That’s enough.

Ummm, I wouldn't have sent my kid away to college if I my only hope was that he make it back home for break alive and breathing.

He's at college presumably because he wants a college degree. If he has hit some stumbling blocks during his first semester I would hope that he 1) took it upon himself to meet with a college advisor 2) could let me know what his plan was for improving his performance next semester.

What's going on? Too many distractions? Not the right major? Bad fit of school? Inadequate studying/preparation? Depression?

Of course I want to know how that first semester went - good or bad. I am on his side 100% no matter what. Always have been, always will be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would sit down for a serious conversation to discuss waht happened in fall, and to assess the spring semester schedule and whether it is too much. For instance, you could suggest that they drop 3 credits and take them over summer. Or discuss whether they are in the right major.

This serious conversation demonstrates that performance in class is important and that you care about it, just as you did in high school. It also may give you insight about whether the kid just slacked off or really struggled (both things happen in school).

And hopefully gets them to 'own' the problem and the solution. They probably don't want to spend summer in summer school so would find a way to improve things for spring semester on their own.

I wouldn’t be giving advice either. What are your qualifications to give an adult recommendations for college? Are you a college counselor? Did you study something similar in college recently? Do you understand the grading in his major? Do you understand his transition and know everything that’s been going on in his life? You should not be recommending that he choose another major or directing his life unless he asks for that advice. If he’s passing leave him alone. If he’s not passing give him another semester or two to straighten things out in his own way. Ask if he needs anything.

My DD just got back from her first semester at college and we haven’t even asked her grades and not will we. We asked her if she still likes the college (she does). She’s still alive. That’s enough.

That may be a good course of action for some kids, but clearly not all. Or, even most. There is some middle ground between the OP's question and this where many young adult college students fall. No, they don't need to be micromanaged, but most people in life are accountable to someone other than themselves and college shouldn't be any different. While I agree that you need to be listening to them more than talking at them, a conversation about how college is going (academically, socially, physically, emotionally, etc.) is appropriate and worthwhile.

Anonymous wrote:I would sit down for a serious conversation to discuss waht happened in fall, and to assess the spring semester schedule and whether it is too much. For instance, you could suggest that they drop 3 credits and take them over summer. Or discuss whether they are in the right major.

This serious conversation demonstrates that performance in class is important and that you care about it, just as you did in high school. It also may give you insight about whether the kid just slacked off or really struggled (both things happen in school).

And hopefully gets them to 'own' the problem and the solution. They probably don't want to spend summer in summer school so would find a way to improve things for spring semester on their own.

I wouldn’t be giving advice either. What are your qualifications to give an adult recommendations for college? Are you a college counselor? Did you study something similar in college recently? Do you understand the grading in his major? Do you understand his transition and know everything that’s been going on in his life? You should not be recommending that he choose another major or directing his life unless he asks for that advice. If he’s passing leave him alone. If he’s not passing give him another semester or two to straighten things out in his own way. Ask if he needs anything.

My DD just got back from her first semester at college and we haven’t even asked her grades and not will we. We asked her if she still likes the college (she does). She’s still alive. That’s enough.

Anonymous wrote:IMO: Punish? No, that ship has sailed. Your baby is all grown up and is now facing real world consequences. You absolutely can have a discussion about that and offer to help your child strategize and plan for the coming struggle.

Now is the time for advice, not punishment.

{Stands up in booth}

"Our little boy is all growns up"

'tis true. Your child is an adult. Best wishes.

Anonymous wrote:I would sit down for a serious conversation to discuss waht happened in fall, and to assess the spring semester schedule and whether it is too much. For instance, you could suggest that they drop 3 credits and take them over summer. Or discuss whether they are in the right major.

This serious conversation demonstrates that performance in class is important and that you care about it, just as you did in high school. It also may give you insight about whether the kid just slacked off or really struggled (both things happen in school).

And hopefully gets them to 'own' the problem and the solution. They probably don't want to spend summer in summer school so would find a way to improve things for spring semester on their own.

This is good advice. Please don't get waylaid/distracted by the posters who are telling you to pull financial support.
College is a huge transition. A lot of kids struggle to adapt to the demands of college courses--managing your own schedule, being responsible for notes, outside readings, assignments, etc. while trying to navigate a new environment, make new friends, keep yourself alive, etc. My DD struggled her first year in college; she was working flat out but was working inefficiently so was underperforming. Eventually, she was frustrated and anxious and discouraged which further impacted her academic performance. My DH and I talked to her about what was happening and how she planned to address the problems. We gave guidance and suggestions; she didn't needs us piling on, she felt bad enough as it was. She found a program at her school that focused on providing support to kids struggling with the transition. After some fits and starts, things clicked for her. Her grades are excellent, she is well thought of by her professors and has had some opportunities to participate in research projects, etc. She's now looking at graduate schools.

Good luck to you and your DC.