Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This year I have to spend both Thanksgiving and Christmas with my ILs. I need to grow a spine and tell my husband NO MORE.

I've had to spend both holidays with my ILs for the past several years. I told my DH recently just because my family lives far away doesn't mean I want to spend both holidays with his family every year. He said I don't get to prevent him from seeing his family. I said most couples split the holidays. He can decide what we do for one holiday and I should be able to decide what we do for the other. He said if I see my family another time of year, I don't also get to complain about not seeing them for the holidays. Yes I do. He doesn't get it. His parents are divorced so he's trying to hog the holidays with both his sets of parents and I get to spend the holidays with zero of my family and have zero choice of what I want to do? WTF? His parents chose to get divorced. They should be the ones giving up a holiday every year, not me! If I put my foot down, he'll want to take the kids. How do I ever get a holiday with my kids without the ILs?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL always acts like she's the hostess even when she's just a guest. Especially at my house.

"Tim, there's coffee." (Yes, coffee I made, in my home, and Tim has two eyes and a nose and can already tell that there is coffee.)

"Everyone, go to the table and we'll say the prayer." (Actually, my husband is trying to round people up to the living room and has a plan of something that will make everyone more comfortable--not everyone in our family/friend group is of the same religion/or believes in a higher power.)

"Let's start cutting the pies" (actually, we prefer to wait at least an hour to get a head start on the dishes and give people a little time to digest and get ready for the dessert phase)

DH finally a few years ago asked her to move out of my seat at the end of the table. She always sat opposite him until finally he said, "Mom, that's Anna's seat."

I told my own mother that if she sat my BIL at the head of the table in my house again, she would be celebrating on the front porch alone. My husband sits at the head of the table in my house. I sit at the other end or my father does.

Anonymous wrote:Help.

The Turkey injecting and butter kit my sweet MIL just gave me to administer expired in June 2015. Help me quick with a surreptitious fix. Rub with butter?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still want to know what indigenous people’s food is.

I’m not doing anything crazy. Still having turkey, but cooking it on the grill with chiles. Mashed squash instead of potatoes. Stuffing made from homemade cornbread. I was going to do authentic indigenous food- the area we live in has Navajo, Apache, and Pueblo populations- but toned it down for my ILs. I’m not a fan of thanksgiving in general because of what it represents and thought this was a nice compromise.

Next year the plan is to make good using only native foods I’ve grown, foraged, or hunted myself

Once again the issue is not choosing a different way to go about things. It's not being up front about that so a family member can decide whether or not they want to forgo the holiday dinner they've been looking forward to all year.

If you're not a fan of Thanksgiving and you're not going to serve the regulars then why on earth are you hosting?

It honestly sounds like you're privately happy about pulling a bait and switch on them to give them a spiel about the untold problematic aspects of Thanksgiving. And if they're generally nice and polite people then that's just a di@k move.

I say that as a very liberal and progressive person. You don't have to ruin people's holidays by springing surprises on them in order to spread awareness.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still want to know what indigenous people’s food is.

I’m not doing anything crazy. Still having turkey, but cooking it on the grill with chiles. Mashed squash instead of potatoes. Stuffing made from homemade cornbread. I was going to do authentic indigenous food- the area we live in has Navajo, Apache, and Pueblo populations- but toned it down for my ILs. I’m not a fan of thanksgiving in general because of what it represents and thought this was a nice compromise.

Next year the plan is to make good using only native foods I’ve grown, foraged, or hunted myself

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still want to know what indigenous people’s food is.

I’m not doing anything crazy. Still having turkey, but cooking it on the grill with chiles. Mashed squash instead of potatoes. Stuffing made from homemade cornbread. I was going to do authentic indigenous food- the area we live in has Navajo, Apache, and Pueblo populations- but toned it down for my ILs. I’m not a fan of thanksgiving in general because of what it represents and thought this was a nice compromise.

Next year the plan is to make good using only native foods I’ve grown, foraged, or hunted myself

Anonymous wrote:My MIL always acts like she's the hostess even when she's just a guest. Especially at my house.

"Tim, there's coffee." (Yes, coffee I made, in my home, and Tim has two eyes and a nose and can already tell that there is coffee.)

"Everyone, go to the table and we'll say the prayer." (Actually, my husband is trying to round people up to the living room and has a plan of something that will make everyone more comfortable--not everyone in our family/friend group is of the same religion/or believes in a higher power.)

"Let's start cutting the pies" (actually, we prefer to wait at least an hour to get a head start on the dishes and give people a little time to digest and get ready for the dessert phase)

DH finally a few years ago asked her to move out of my seat at the end of the table. She always sat opposite him until finally he said, "Mom, that's Anna's seat."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have much to complain about, but my ILs don’t seem to like my cooking or the local cuisine. They’ve barely eaten anything and apparently my MIL cried because she didn’t like her meal. Tomorrow should be interesting because everything I’m cooking is inspired by indigenous peoples’ food, so it’s definitely not the standard turkey/mashed potatoes/stuffing.

I never say that, but team MIL if that's what you're cooking tomorrow. It's fine to have that IN ADDITION TO the traditional turkey dinner, but if there aren't some of the standards, you suck.

NP here. I totally disagree. You cook, you get to decide what to serve. The standards are boring anyway.

Don't host Thanksgiving if you don't want to host Thanksgiving. Especially if you know that people will be disappointed, as surely OP knows her MIL will be.

We need to make this a DCUM sticky. The Thanksgiving meal is turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy and cranberry sauce. You can add on whatever you want to that, but if you’re hosting on this holiday, that’s what you’re expected to serve. If you’re not going to serve those things, you need to tell people ahead of time so they can decide for themselves if they’re willing to forego the traditional holiday meal. You don’t get to make that decision for them.

And even if they come and act gracious about it, know that they're not actually happy to have lasagna for Thanksgiving.

Lasagna? I said I was serving food inspired by native peoples. You know, the food that was actually served at the first thanksgiving. Last I checked my history books, there wasn’t a large Italian population present at the time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still want to know what indigenous people’s food is.

I’m not doing anything crazy. Still having turkey, but cooking it on the grill with chiles. Mashed squash instead of potatoes. Stuffing made from homemade cornbread. I was going to do authentic indigenous food- the area we live in has Navajo, Apache, and Pueblo populations- but toned it down for my ILs. I’m not a fan of thanksgiving in general because of what it represents and thought this was a nice compromise.

Next year the plan is to make good using only native foods I’ve grown, foraged, or hunted myself