Anonymous
11/28/2018 15:01
Subject: Amicable divorce stories
i bet you can’t wait to find that special someone to love your kid as their own, devote the rest of their lives to you, have wild passionate intimacy with right?
Anonymous
11/27/2018 12:53
Subject: Amicable divorce stories
Anonymous wrote:We are divorced 10 years and from the outside we look like the poster children for an amicable divorce. People comment all the time about how well we get along. Our teenagers think we are good friends (the parent of one my daugther's buddies recently told me that her child is jealous of how well my ex and I coparent). We sit next to each other at school functions, text and talk all the time about schedules, and don't tear one another down to the kids.
All that said, I despise him (I have no idea what he thinks about me). He cheated on me like it was his job and secretly spent us into a debt that I am still recovering from almost a decade after I first discovered it. He is a liar and a manipulator and it took me years to put myself back together, with the help of a very good therapist. I would love to never speak to or even see him again.
For me, it took putting my love for my kids over my hate for him to get where we are. It helped that I am a teacher, so I have spent my career watching what an angry divorce can do to a child. I didn't want that for my kids. So with that in mind (and did I mention the therapy?) I made it my goal to keep things amicable. And for the most part it has worked.
This is similar to me, but I had a cheating ex-DW.
When I was contemplating the divorce (I tried so hard to make it work and get her head back in the marriage) one of my divorced friends told me "divorce is actually awesome. One day you and your kids will be so happy." And he was so right!
Sometimes divorce happens because you pick a bad spouse, like me, and the poster above me. But guess what? There are no guarantees in life - you can be happily married and your spouse could die. Or you can be married and your spouse can cheat. Life happens. Make the best of it like this person above, and what I did.
Anonymous
11/27/2018 12:41
Subject: Amicable divorce stories
Anonymous wrote:We are divorced 10 years and from the outside we look like the poster children for an amicable divorce. People comment all the time about how well we get along. Our teenagers think we are good friends (the parent of one my daugther's buddies recently told me that her child is jealous of how well my ex and I coparent). We sit next to each other at school functions, text and talk all the time about schedules, and don't tear one another down to the kids.
All that said, I despise him (I have no idea what he thinks about me). He cheated on me like it was his job and secretly spent us into a debt that I am still recovering from almost a decade after I first discovered it. He is a liar and a manipulator and it took me years to put myself back together, with the help of a very good therapist. I would love to never speak to or even see him again.
For me, it took putting my love for my kids over my hate for him to get where we are. It helped that I am a teacher, so I have spent my career watching what an angry divorce can do to a child. I didn't want that for my kids. So with that in mind (and did I mention the therapy?) I made it my goal to keep things amicable. And for the most part it has worked.
Guy: I admire that you are able to do this as I have an exDW that sounds similar your exDH.
Anonymous
11/27/2018 12:26
Subject: Amicable divorce stories
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anyone have one to share? I have to believe not all divorces have to be horrible and traumatic.
Let me guess... you cheated and met someone and you just want to quickly and neatly move on? And oh yes, I’m sure you “didn’t” and “would never”!!
No. I have wanted a divorce for almost a decade. I stayed due to location/custody issues after an accidental pregnancy. I have been trying to survive for almost a decade...I want out. The marriage was always a mistake. Almost canceled wedding. I am not interested in another relationship. I just want out but do not want to cause kid pain. So I am looking for amicable stories. I think we can do it amicably but it helps to hear that not every divorce has to be a disaster. Some marriages really should have never happened and should not be saved.
Well that ship has sailed. You said your vows and had a kid and stayed for 10 years. Stay in your marriage you self centered PIA. Have yet to see a divorce really work out better for either party especially if their are kids involved in my personal experience.
OP here: this is uncalled for. That ship has not sailed. I got married under an agreement of no kids. I always knew it might not work so kids were not the plan. Other circumstances forced a decision about marriage that otherwise would probably not have happened. People can get divorced any time they want. Many people, including children, go through far worse things than divorce (parent being mentally ill, death of a parent, etc.). I know from firsthand experience. I also know several happily divorced people with well adjusted kids. Keep your criticism to yourself. A wedding can be a mistake...that does not mean you have to stay in it forever.
OP stop arguing with the marriage martyrs here. There are a lot of people on DCUM who think you work, save every dime, stay married no matter what, then you die. That is their life. They don't understand a need for happiness and joy because they don't have any.
Anonymous
11/27/2018 11:56
Subject: Amicable divorce stories
We are divorced 10 years and from the outside we look like the poster children for an amicable divorce. People comment all the time about how well we get along. Our teenagers think we are good friends (the parent of one my daugther's buddies recently told me that her child is jealous of how well my ex and I coparent). We sit next to each other at school functions, text and talk all the time about schedules, and don't tear one another down to the kids.
All that said, I despise him (I have no idea what he thinks about me). He cheated on me like it was his job and secretly spent us into a debt that I am still recovering from almost a decade after I first discovered it. He is a liar and a manipulator and it took me years to put myself back together, with the help of a very good therapist. I would love to never speak to or even see him again.
For me, it took putting my love for my kids over my hate for him to get where we are. It helped that I am a teacher, so I have spent my career watching what an angry divorce can do to a child. I didn't want that for my kids. So with that in mind (and did I mention the therapy?) I made it my goal to keep things amicable. And for the most part it has worked.
All that said, I despise him (I have no idea what he thinks about me). He cheated on me like it was his job and secretly spent us into a debt that I am still recovering from almost a decade after I first discovered it. He is a liar and a manipulator and it took me years to put myself back together, with the help of a very good therapist. I would love to never speak to or even see him again.
For me, it took putting my love for my kids over my hate for him to get where we are. It helped that I am a teacher, so I have spent my career watching what an angry divorce can do to a child. I didn't want that for my kids. So with that in mind (and did I mention the therapy?) I made it my goal to keep things amicable. And for the most part it has worked.
Anonymous
11/27/2018 11:12
Subject: Amicable divorce stories
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anyone have one to share? I have to believe not all divorces have to be horrible and traumatic.
Let me guess... you cheated and met someone and you just want to quickly and neatly move on? And oh yes, I’m sure you “didn’t” and “would never”!!
No. I have wanted a divorce for almost a decade. I stayed due to location/custody issues after an accidental pregnancy. I have been trying to survive for almost a decade...I want out. The marriage was always a mistake. Almost canceled wedding. I am not interested in another relationship. I just want out but do not want to cause kid pain. So I am looking for amicable stories. I think we can do it amicably but it helps to hear that not every divorce has to be a disaster. Some marriages really should have never happened and should not be saved.
Well that ship has sailed. You said your vows and had a kid and stayed for 10 years. Stay in your marriage you self centered PIA. Have yet to see a divorce really work out better for either party especially if their are kids involved in my personal experience.
OP here: this is uncalled for. That ship has not sailed. I got married under an agreement of no kids. I always knew it might not work so kids were not the plan. Other circumstances forced a decision about marriage that otherwise would probably not have happened. People can get divorced any time they want. Many people, including children, go through far worse things than divorce (parent being mentally ill, death of a parent, etc.). I know from firsthand experience. I also know several happily divorced people with well adjusted kids. Keep your criticism to yourself. A wedding can be a mistake...that does not mean you have to stay in it forever.
Don't let the preachers/sancitmonious assholes on here spoil it for you. It's your life - not theirs. Contrary to what others say, yes, having a divorce can work out but like a marriage, takes a lot of work. Good luck to you.
Anonymous
11/27/2018 10:58
Subject: Amicable divorce stories
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anyone have one to share? I have to believe not all divorces have to be horrible and traumatic.
Let me guess... you cheated and met someone and you just want to quickly and neatly move on? And oh yes, I’m sure you “didn’t” and “would never”!!
No. I have wanted a divorce for almost a decade. I stayed due to location/custody issues after an accidental pregnancy. I have been trying to survive for almost a decade...I want out. The marriage was always a mistake. Almost canceled wedding. I am not interested in another relationship. I just want out but do not want to cause kid pain. So I am looking for amicable stories. I think we can do it amicably but it helps to hear that not every divorce has to be a disaster. Some marriages really should have never happened and should not be saved.
Well that ship has sailed. You said your vows and had a kid and stayed for 10 years. Stay in your marriage you self centered PIA. Have yet to see a divorce really work out better for either party especially if their are kids involved in my personal experience.
OP here: this is uncalled for. That ship has not sailed. I got married under an agreement of no kids. I always knew it might not work so kids were not the plan. Other circumstances forced a decision about marriage that otherwise would probably not have happened. People can get divorced any time they want. Many people, including children, go through far worse things than divorce (parent being mentally ill, death of a parent, etc.). I know from firsthand experience. I also know several happily divorced people with well adjusted kids. Keep your criticism to yourself. A wedding can be a mistake...that does not mean you have to stay in it forever.
Anonymous
11/27/2018 10:28
Subject: Amicable divorce stories
Anonymous wrote:My old friends Brenda and Eddie got a divorce as a matter of course. Parted the closest of friends.
They divided up the paintings from Sears. Sold the waterbed.
He drank a bottle of red, she drank a bottle of white.
Anonymous
11/27/2018 01:45
Subject: Amicable divorce stories
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anyone have one to share? I have to believe not all divorces have to be horrible and traumatic.
Let me guess... you cheated and met someone and you just want to quickly and neatly move on? And oh yes, I’m sure you “didn’t” and “would never”!!
No. I have wanted a divorce for almost a decade. I stayed due to location/custody issues after an accidental pregnancy. I have been trying to survive for almost a decade...I want out. The marriage was always a mistake. Almost canceled wedding. I am not interested in another relationship. I just want out but do not want to cause kid pain. So I am looking for amicable stories. I think we can do it amicably but it helps to hear that not every divorce has to be a disaster. Some marriages really should have never happened and should not be saved.
Well that ship has sailed. You said your vows and had a kid and stayed for 10 years. Stay in your marriage you self centered PIA. Have yet to see a divorce really work out better for either party especially if their are kids involved in my personal experience.
Anonymous
11/22/2018 10:39
Subject: Amicable divorce stories
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My old friends Brenda and Eddie got a divorce as a matter of course. Parted the closest of friends.
They divided up the paintings from Sears. Sold the waterbed.
That's different though. OP has had concerns from the beginning. Brenda and Eddie only started to fight when the money got tight. Also, divorced or not, we always knew they would both find a way to get by.
Yeah now that I remember it that’s right. Of course my friend Billy always mispronounced her name...called her “Brender”.
Come to think of it those two were the prom king and queen, those two loved that convertible they had, always were playing the radio loud.
In marriage, you’ve got to count on some tears. From the highs to the lows.
Anonymous
11/21/2018 17:20
Subject: Amicable divorce stories
Anonymous wrote:My old friends Brenda and Eddie got a divorce as a matter of course. Parted the closest of friends.
They divided up the paintings from Sears. Sold the waterbed.
That's different though. OP has had concerns from the beginning. Brenda and Eddie only started to fight when the money got tight. Also, divorced or not, we always knew they would both find a way to get by.
Anonymous
11/21/2018 14:07
Subject: Amicable divorce stories
DH cheated and asked for a divorce. I'm a lifer so I wanted to stay in the marriage, but it also wasn't my decision. I decided to put all that aside to have a great relationship with my ex for my kids' sake and also my mental health. Who wants to hold onto that baggage, ya know?
We have joint custody and are honestly friends. Kids are very happy at both places (we live within walking distance of each other), we talk, we do things as a family of four on weekends occasionally or with his side of the family for holidays, we'll trade nights if something comes up for work, etc. It takes both people being adults and respectful for this to work, but the key is that it makes a hard situation as easy as possible under the circumstances.
All that said, and I know I'm in the (vast) minority, but you made a commitment for life. You made that choice. You can also make the choice to honor that commitment by being all in...forge a new relationship with DH if you don't like the one you have, take steps to reconnect, go to counseling, find things just for you that bring you joy. I think the 'grass is greener' mentality is really troublesome.
We have joint custody and are honestly friends. Kids are very happy at both places (we live within walking distance of each other), we talk, we do things as a family of four on weekends occasionally or with his side of the family for holidays, we'll trade nights if something comes up for work, etc. It takes both people being adults and respectful for this to work, but the key is that it makes a hard situation as easy as possible under the circumstances.
All that said, and I know I'm in the (vast) minority, but you made a commitment for life. You made that choice. You can also make the choice to honor that commitment by being all in...forge a new relationship with DH if you don't like the one you have, take steps to reconnect, go to counseling, find things just for you that bring you joy. I think the 'grass is greener' mentality is really troublesome.
Anonymous
11/21/2018 13:07
Subject: Amicable divorce stories
My old friends Brenda and Eddie got a divorce as a matter of course. Parted the closest of friends.
They divided up the paintings from Sears. Sold the waterbed.
They divided up the paintings from Sears. Sold the waterbed.
Anonymous
11/21/2018 10:45
Subject: Amicable divorce stories
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anyone have one to share? I have to believe not all divorces have to be horrible and traumatic.
Let me guess... you cheated and met someone and you just want to quickly and neatly move on? And oh yes, I’m sure you “didn’t” and “would never”!!
No. I have wanted a divorce for almost a decade. I stayed due to location/custody issues after an accidental pregnancy. I have been trying to survive for almost a decade...I want out. The marriage was always a mistake. Almost canceled wedding. I am not interested in another relationship. I just want out but do not want to cause kid pain. So I am looking for amicable stories. I think we can do it amicably but it helps to hear that not every divorce has to be a disaster. Some marriages really should have never happened and should not be saved.
Oh, OP. I’m sorry. Get out. It’s ok. It’s not going to be fun. But the kids can tell, and think about what kind of relationship you are modeling.
I divorced when my kid was 2.5. He’s now 16. Joint custody was the best solution we could come up with. His dad and I are much better parents together this way, I swear to God.
I remarried eventually, and am NOW modeling what a healthy relationship looks like. There’s such a difference.
BTW, I’m the PP whose parents stayed together “for the kids.” And I married in a way that was modeled for me the first time. I had to learn how to have a healthy relationship with someone who actually loved and respected me, and it was a steep learning curve.
Anonymous
11/21/2018 10:42
Subject: Amicable divorce stories
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anyone have one to share? I have to believe not all divorces have to be horrible and traumatic.
Let me guess... you cheated and met someone and you just want to quickly and neatly move on? And oh yes, I’m sure you “didn’t” and “would never”!!
No. I have wanted a divorce for almost a decade. I stayed due to location/custody issues after an accidental pregnancy. I have been trying to survive for almost a decade...I want out. The marriage was always a mistake. Almost canceled wedding. I am not interested in another relationship. I just want out but do not want to cause kid pain. So I am looking for amicable stories. I think we can do it amicably but it helps to hear that not every divorce has to be a disaster. Some marriages really should have never happened and should not be saved.
Oh, OP. I’m sorry. Get out. It’s ok. It’s not going to be fun. But the kids can tell, and think about what kind of relationship you are modeling.
I divorced when my kid was 2.5. He’s now 16. Joint custody was the best solution we could come up with. His dad and I are much better parents together this way, I swear to God.
I remarried eventually, and am NOW modeling what a healthy relationship looks like. There’s such a difference.