Anonymous
11/12/2018 17:38
Subject: MIL bragging my baby looks just like her
Mine said the same thing too. They used to say they were so glad she has DH hair too (he’s white and I’m black with matural hair). Now she looks just like me, has curly hair like mine, and they don’t comment on it at all. Funny.
Anonymous
11/12/2018 17:21
Subject: Re:MIL bragging my baby looks just like her
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP I totally get it, it's very annoying. MY MIL does this all the time - according to her my kids are 90% her (not her husband though - there is zero of that despite obvious resemblance); 5% her son (my husband) and 5% me. she will seek remote relative s on her own side to explain was obviously coming from my side. She will also claim things that all babies do are unique to her son (e.g. my son's poop was this exact color") . all this is especially annoying because my parents have passed always and are not there to provide a balance.
I say this gently, but is it possible some of your annoyance is not hearing your own parents say the same things?
my parents are dead. I doubt they would do the same thing - I knew how they reacted to their first grandchild (my sister's daughter) and it was very far from "this is us us us". if anything it was the opposite - like, she doesn't seem to be pulling much from our family.
In any case my MIL is perfectly aware my parents are not able to balance her idiocy but rather than acknowledging that the children must have something in common with them, too, that merely emboldens her. it is also telling that she never says the kids look like her husband (my husband's father). it's always only her and her ever more remote relatives. it's really a sadistic move, not loving as someone clueless people here are assuming.
There is a theory that nature makes newborns and babies resemble the father and his people so the father knows it is his child and does not reject the mother or baby.
Over time the real features come out, once the dad has accepted the child as his own.
this theory has been refuted stop with the garbage
You need a little less anger.
Your MIL raised the man you love. She wants a connection with her child's child. That is perfectly normal and completely loving.
Try looking at her from a filter of one who will someday be a MIL yourself.
Anonymous
11/12/2018 17:19
Subject: Re:MIL bragging my baby looks just like her
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP I totally get it, it's very annoying. MY MIL does this all the time - according to her my kids are 90% her (not her husband though - there is zero of that despite obvious resemblance); 5% her son (my husband) and 5% me. she will seek remote relative s on her own side to explain was obviously coming from my side. She will also claim things that all babies do are unique to her son (e.g. my son's poop was this exact color") . all this is especially annoying because my parents have passed always and are not there to provide a balance.
I say this gently, but is it possible some of your annoyance is not hearing your own parents say the same things?
my parents are dead. I doubt they would do the same thing - I knew how they reacted to their first grandchild (my sister's daughter) and it was very far from "this is us us us". if anything it was the opposite - like, she doesn't seem to be pulling much from our family.
In any case my MIL is perfectly aware my parents are not able to balance her idiocy but rather than acknowledging that the children must have something in common with them, too, that merely emboldens her. it is also telling that she never says the kids look like her husband (my husband's father). it's always only her and her ever more remote relatives. it's really a sadistic move, not loving as someone clueless people here are assuming.
I am sorry about the loss of your parents.
Having lost my mom when I was in the middle of having children, I suspect this might have more to do with your own mom passing and not being able to be the grandma you wanted for your children, than what your MIL is saying.
I say this gently, but you might want to speak with your doctor about being monitored for PPD.
Anonymous
11/12/2018 17:18
Subject: Re:MIL bragging my baby looks just like her
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP I totally get it, it's very annoying. MY MIL does this all the time - according to her my kids are 90% her (not her husband though - there is zero of that despite obvious resemblance); 5% her son (my husband) and 5% me. she will seek remote relative s on her own side to explain was obviously coming from my side. She will also claim things that all babies do are unique to her son (e.g. my son's poop was this exact color") . all this is especially annoying because my parents have passed always and are not there to provide a balance.
I say this gently, but is it possible some of your annoyance is not hearing your own parents say the same things?
my parents are dead. I doubt they would do the same thing - I knew how they reacted to their first grandchild (my sister's daughter) and it was very far from "this is us us us". if anything it was the opposite - like, she doesn't seem to be pulling much from our family.
In any case my MIL is perfectly aware my parents are not able to balance her idiocy but rather than acknowledging that the children must have something in common with them, too, that merely emboldens her. it is also telling that she never says the kids look like her husband (my husband's father). it's always only her and her ever more remote relatives. it's really a sadistic move, not loving as someone clueless people here are assuming.
There is a theory that nature makes newborns and babies resemble the father and his people so the father knows it is his child and does not reject the mother or baby.
Over time the real features come out, once the dad has accepted the child as his own.
this theory has been refuted stop with the garbage
Anonymous
11/12/2018 17:17
Subject: MIL bragging my baby looks just like her
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If it really bothers you that much, simply say, "Mary, the baby looks like me and my side of the family, too. I had a little something to do with it, after all!" In a lighthearted tone and with some humor.
Don't say this. You will look very childish. You may not like her but, what harm is she doing? It is just a way to bond with baby and make conversation.
It isn't "childish" to gently make your feelings known. Not throwing a hissy fit and threatening to throw MIL out of the house would be childish. But letting on that this is a sensitive topic for you is not childish.
I stand by my word. How often does your see your mil? Who really cares if she thinks if mil that ops baby looks like her family? Its not like ops mil is a stranger. Mil is related to ops kid. Maybe that is the root of the problem
have you actually had an experience similar to OP's or are you just taking out of your ass? MIL pouncing on everything as supposedly related to her robs you, the mother, of the pleasure of seeing yourself and your parents in your children. while it certainly does not make that experience impossible it makes it more difficult by introducing additional uncertainty into what is a leaf reading process anyway. I can't take normal pleasure in knowing my kids look and behave like me because I have this annoying narcissist at the back of my brain screaming "this is just like! I was like this! Me me me"
Anonymous
11/12/2018 17:17
Subject: Re:MIL bragging my baby looks just like her
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP I totally get it, it's very annoying. MY MIL does this all the time - according to her my kids are 90% her (not her husband though - there is zero of that despite obvious resemblance); 5% her son (my husband) and 5% me. she will seek remote relative s on her own side to explain was obviously coming from my side. She will also claim things that all babies do are unique to her son (e.g. my son's poop was this exact color") . all this is especially annoying because my parents have passed always and are not there to provide a balance.
I say this gently, but is it possible some of your annoyance is not hearing your own parents say the same things?
my parents are dead. I doubt they would do the same thing - I knew how they reacted to their first grandchild (my sister's daughter) and it was very far from "this is us us us". if anything it was the opposite - like, she doesn't seem to be pulling much from our family.
In any case my MIL is perfectly aware my parents are not able to balance her idiocy but rather than acknowledging that the children must have something in common with them, too, that merely emboldens her. it is also telling that she never says the kids look like her husband (my husband's father). it's always only her and her ever more remote relatives. it's really a sadistic move, not loving as someone clueless people here are assuming.
There is a theory that nature makes newborns and babies resemble the father and his people so the father knows it is his child and does not reject the mother or baby.
Over time the real features come out, once the dad has accepted the child as his own.
Anonymous
11/12/2018 17:15
Subject: MIL bragging my baby looks just like her
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If it really bothers you that much, simply say, "Mary, the baby looks like me and my side of the family, too. I had a little something to do with it, after all!" In a lighthearted tone and with some humor.
Don't say this. You will look very childish. You may not like her but, what harm is she doing? It is just a way to bond with baby and make conversation.
I agree.
And I bet that OPs mom is not sitting around exclaiming how much the baby looks like OPs husband's mom or uncle.
OPs mom is exclaiming that baby looks just like pictures of OPs aunt when she was little, or that she has OPs eyes and smile, or a mellow personality like OPs brother.
I disagree. It's such a disservice to someone to continue to be silently frustrated by/upset with them instead of gently addressing something and quickly resolving it. I know for a fact that my MIL would much rather simply resolve something than for me to build up low-level resentment over the years until something dumb made one of us blow our top.
So is OP getting upset with her family for pointing out that the baby looks like her, or her mom, or her brother?
Anonymous
11/12/2018 17:07
Subject: MIL bragging my baby looks just like her
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If it really bothers you that much, simply say, "Mary, the baby looks like me and my side of the family, too. I had a little something to do with it, after all!" In a lighthearted tone and with some humor.
Don't say this. You will look very childish. You may not like her but, what harm is she doing? It is just a way to bond with baby and make conversation.
It isn't "childish" to gently make your feelings known. Not throwing a hissy fit and threatening to throw MIL out of the house would be childish. But letting on that this is a sensitive topic for you is not childish.
I stand by my word. How often does your see your mil? Who really cares if she thinks if mil that ops baby looks like her family? Its not like ops mil is a stranger. Mil is related to ops kid. Maybe that is the root of the problem
Anonymous
11/12/2018 17:06
Subject: Re:MIL bragging my baby looks just like her
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP I totally get it, it's very annoying. MY MIL does this all the time - according to her my kids are 90% her (not her husband though - there is zero of that despite obvious resemblance); 5% her son (my husband) and 5% me. she will seek remote relative s on her own side to explain was obviously coming from my side. She will also claim things that all babies do are unique to her son (e.g. my son's poop was this exact color") . all this is especially annoying because my parents have passed always and are not there to provide a balance.
I say this gently, but is it possible some of your annoyance is not hearing your own parents say the same things?
my parents are dead. I doubt they would do the same thing - I knew how they reacted to their first grandchild (my sister's daughter) and it was very far from "this is us us us". if anything it was the opposite - like, she doesn't seem to be pulling much from our family.
In any case my MIL is perfectly aware my parents are not able to balance her idiocy but rather than acknowledging that the children must have something in common with them, too, that merely emboldens her. it is also telling that she never says the kids look like her husband (my husband's father). it's always only her and her ever more remote relatives. it's really a sadistic move, not loving as someone clueless people here are assuming.
Anonymous
11/12/2018 16:52
Subject: Re:MIL bragging my baby looks just like her
Anonymous wrote:OP I totally get it, it's very annoying. MY MIL does this all the time - according to her my kids are 90% her (not her husband though - there is zero of that despite obvious resemblance); 5% her son (my husband) and 5% me. she will seek remote relative s on her own side to explain was obviously coming from my side. She will also claim things that all babies do are unique to her son (e.g. my son's poop was this exact color") . all this is especially annoying because my parents have passed always and are not there to provide a balance.
I say this gently, but is it possible some of your annoyance is not hearing your own parents say the same things?
Anonymous
11/12/2018 16:49
Subject: Re:MIL bragging my baby looks just like her
Anonymous wrote:OP I totally get it, it's very annoying. MY MIL does this all the time - according to her my kids are 90% her (not her husband though - there is zero of that despite obvious resemblance); 5% her son (my husband) and 5% me. she will seek remote relative s on her own side to explain was obviously coming from my side. She will also claim things that all babies do are unique to her son (e.g. my son's poop was this exact color") . all this is especially annoying because my parents have passed always and are not there to provide a balance.
to add - two months ago I mentioned to my MIL that someone said one of my kids looked like my sister (in fact multiple people have said so). she was livid. she angrily told me there was no resemblance and that my kid looked exactly like her father who also had a button nose as a child. for perspective my sister is extremely attractive while my husband has a pretty big manly nose. it's like she is rooting for her to look like my husband even that would make her worse off.
OP people who say you are overreacting do not understand that this is much more than a loving grandma admiring her child.
Anonymous
11/12/2018 16:44
Subject: Re:MIL bragging my baby looks just like her
OP I totally get it, it's very annoying. MY MIL does this all the time - according to her my kids are 90% her (not her husband though - there is zero of that despite obvious resemblance); 5% her son (my husband) and 5% me. she will seek remote relative s on her own side to explain was obviously coming from my side. She will also claim things that all babies do are unique to her son (e.g. my son's poop was this exact color") . all this is especially annoying because my parents have passed always and are not there to provide a balance.
Anonymous
11/12/2018 10:05
Subject: MIL bragging my baby looks just like her
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If it really bothers you that much, simply say, "Mary, the baby looks like me and my side of the family, too. I had a little something to do with it, after all!" In a lighthearted tone and with some humor.
Don't say this. You will look very childish. You may not like her but, what harm is she doing? It is just a way to bond with baby and make conversation.
I agree.
And I bet that OPs mom is not sitting around exclaiming how much the baby looks like OPs husband's mom or uncle.
OPs mom is exclaiming that baby looks just like pictures of OPs aunt when she was little, or that she has OPs eyes and smile, or a mellow personality like OPs brother.
I disagree. It's such a disservice to someone to continue to be silently frustrated by/upset with them instead of gently addressing something and quickly resolving it. I know for a fact that my MIL would much rather simply resolve something than for me to build up low-level resentment over the years until something dumb made one of us blow our top.
Anonymous
11/12/2018 09:30
Subject: MIL bragging my baby looks just like her
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If it really bothers you that much, simply say, "Mary, the baby looks like me and my side of the family, too. I had a little something to do with it, after all!" In a lighthearted tone and with some humor.
Don't say this. You will look very childish. You may not like her but, what harm is she doing? It is just a way to bond with baby and make conversation.
I agree.
And I bet that OPs mom is not sitting around exclaiming how much the baby looks like OPs husband's mom or uncle.
OPs mom is exclaiming that baby looks just like pictures of OPs aunt when she was little, or that she has OPs eyes and smile, or a mellow personality like OPs brother.
Anonymous
11/12/2018 09:29
Subject: MIL bragging my baby looks just like her
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If it really bothers you that much, simply say, "Mary, the baby looks like me and my side of the family, too. I had a little something to do with it, after all!" In a lighthearted tone and with some humor.
Don't say this. You will look very childish. You may not like her but, what harm is she doing? It is just a way to bond with baby and make conversation.
It isn't "childish" to gently make your feelings known. Not throwing a hissy fit and threatening to throw MIL out of the house would be childish. But letting on that this is a sensitive topic for you is not childish.