Anonymous
10/31/2018 08:07
Subject: My mom told 5yr old being gay is wrong.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would tell him Grandma is nuts and obviously boys can marry boys.
Yes, because everyone who disagrees with you is nuts.
Do you ever wonder why there's so much discord in our world?
Ok, calling Grandma nuts isn't nice. But this isn't about "disagreement" or "discord" -- This is about fact. Everyone who says boys can't marry boys is simply wrong.
Parents have a responsibility to call out bigotry even if it's coming from Grandma's mouth. At least, if we ever hope to end bigotry.
You're missing the point. I don't care if calling Grandma nuts is nice or mean. The point is that if your response to anyone who is a bigot or a racist or a whatever is to say they're nuts, then all you're doing is dismissing their position by saying they're crazy rather than getting to the root of the issue. That's what creates discord. I think Grandma is wrong, and I would shut down her homophobia and teach my kids that we don't believe that, but saying she's nuts is just polarizing and doesn't accomplish anything. Even you saying it's a fact that boys can marry boys is being dismissive. She thinks being gay is wrong. I happen to disagree with her wholeheartedly, but I think that walking around saying that everyone who disagrees with you is nuts is doing a huge disservice. You can disagree with me and that's fine.
Anonymous
10/31/2018 05:54
Subject: Re:My mom told 5yr old being gay is wrong.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:On the other hand, it's also bad to tell him that your mom's views are wrong just because you disagree with her.
If the OP thought her mom's views were right, presumably she would also hold them. So, since that is not the case..what is she supposed to say? The view is wrong. It is what it is.
Different is not wrong. It is different.
Anonymous
10/31/2018 05:49
Subject: My mom told 5yr old being gay is wrong.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Let your son form his own opinion. No need to tear the family apart.
This is ridiculous. Grandma is a bigot.
If my 95 year old Fox News watching Korean War vet Grandpa can warmly welcome my brother’s husband into our family, others can get in line. It is ridiculous to be so hateful in this day and age.
Is it really worth calling grandma names over it? Don’t scarifie your family for gay marriage
Are you really scolding me for “name calling” a bigot? Yikes. I think you need to do some soul-searching.
If it's tearing the family apart, it cant be that good
Anonymous
10/31/2018 01:14
Subject: Re:My mom told 5yr old being gay is wrong.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:On the other hand, it's also bad to tell him that your mom's views are wrong just because you disagree with her.
+1000
There are actually a lot of people who agree with your mother, OP. Obviously, as the child's mother, your POV holds greater sway, but who are you to say that she is wrong?
There are actually a lot of people who hate a lot of other people and try to claim it's just a difference of opition. It isn't. They are wrong, and I'm very comfortable telling them they are wrong. This isn't about disagreeing -- it's about what's right and what's wrong.
Bigotry is wrong. You can cherry-pick bible verses to try and support your hate -- people have been doing that for a long time to justify their fear and hate. They're still wrong. They were wrong about slavery. They were wrong about interracial marriage. And they're wrong about gay marriage.
I will not agree to disagree when someone is trying to oppress another group. I will tell them they are wrong. Because they are. And I'll be the first to tell my kid that.
"We love Grandma, but she's wrong. It's perfectly fine to be gay. People can love and marry whoever they want. If Grandma brings it up again, tell her she's wrong."
Thank you. As the mother of a gay teen, I really appreciate your words, as well as all the other anti-bigotry posters’.
Anonymous
10/30/2018 23:29
Subject: Re:My mom told 5yr old being gay is wrong.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:On the other hand, it's also bad to tell him that your mom's views are wrong just because you disagree with her.
+1000
There are actually a lot of people who agree with your mother, OP. Obviously, as the child's mother, your POV holds greater sway, but who are you to say that she is wrong?
There are actually a lot of people who hate a lot of other people and try to claim it's just a difference of opition. It isn't. They are wrong, and I'm very comfortable telling them they are wrong. This isn't about disagreeing -- it's about what's right and what's wrong.
Bigotry is wrong. You can cherry-pick bible verses to try and support your hate -- people have been doing that for a long time to justify their fear and hate. They're still wrong. They were wrong about slavery. They were wrong about interracial marriage. And they're wrong about gay marriage.
I will not agree to disagree when someone is trying to oppress another group. I will tell them they are wrong. Because they are. And I'll be the first to tell my kid that.
"We love Grandma, but she's wrong. It's perfectly fine to be gay. People can love and marry whoever they want. If Grandma brings it up again, tell her she's wrong."
Anonymous
10/30/2018 23:04
Subject: My mom told 5yr old being gay is wrong.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Let your son form his own opinion. No need to tear the family apart.
This is ridiculous. Grandma is a bigot.
If my 95 year old Fox News watching Korean War vet Grandpa can warmly welcome my brother’s husband into our family, others can get in line. It is ridiculous to be so hateful in this day and age.
Is it really worth calling grandma names over it? Don’t scarifie your family for gay marriage
Are you really scolding me for “name calling” a bigot? Yikes. I think you need to do some soul-searching.
Anonymous
10/30/2018 23:04
Subject: Re:My mom told 5yr old being gay is wrong.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:On the other hand, it's also bad to tell him that your mom's views are wrong just because you disagree with her.
Now, there's a point.
No. This is not a point. Bigotry and hatred is not a view.
Anonymous
10/30/2018 22:35
Subject: My mom told 5yr old being gay is wrong.
My FIL is a religious nutjob.
First, he is never allowed around the kids without supervision. We hover like crazy when he's around, and do our best to steer the conversation toward safe topics - but it's getting harder to find any!
Second, we simply tell the kids "Grandpa has a lot of beliefs that we strongly disagree with. There's no need to get into a discussion with him over any of them, but if you hear him say things that don't sound right to you, please file it away and ask us about it after the party is over.". That has led to some interesting discussions, but I'd rather have the kids ask me than just let it sit in their heads unaddressed.
DH gave up on trying to have any sort of discussion with his father about any of these topics long ago. It just isn't worth calling him out when he claims the Earth is 8,000 years old or that gays can be "fixed" through religious therapy.
First, he is never allowed around the kids without supervision. We hover like crazy when he's around, and do our best to steer the conversation toward safe topics - but it's getting harder to find any!
Second, we simply tell the kids "Grandpa has a lot of beliefs that we strongly disagree with. There's no need to get into a discussion with him over any of them, but if you hear him say things that don't sound right to you, please file it away and ask us about it after the party is over.". That has led to some interesting discussions, but I'd rather have the kids ask me than just let it sit in their heads unaddressed.
DH gave up on trying to have any sort of discussion with his father about any of these topics long ago. It just isn't worth calling him out when he claims the Earth is 8,000 years old or that gays can be "fixed" through religious therapy.
Anonymous
10/30/2018 22:23
Subject: My mom told 5yr old being gay is wrong.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Let your son form his own opinion. No need to tear the family apart.
This is ridiculous. Grandma is a bigot.
If my 95 year old Fox News watching Korean War vet Grandpa can warmly welcome my brother’s husband into our family, others can get in line. It is ridiculous to be so hateful in this day and age.
Is it really worth calling grandma names over it? Don’t scarifie your family for gay marriage
Anonymous
10/30/2018 22:01
Subject: My mom told 5yr old being gay is wrong.
Anonymous wrote:Let your son form his own opinion. No need to tear the family apart.
This is ridiculous. Grandma is a bigot.
If my 95 year old Fox News watching Korean War vet Grandpa can warmly welcome my brother’s husband into our family, others can get in line. It is ridiculous to be so hateful in this day and age.
Anonymous
10/30/2018 21:59
Subject: Re:My mom told 5yr old being gay is wrong.
Anonymous wrote:On the other hand, it's also bad to tell him that your mom's views are wrong just because you disagree with her.
If the OP thought her mom's views were right, presumably she would also hold them. So, since that is not the case..what is she supposed to say? The view is wrong. It is what it is.
Anonymous
10/30/2018 21:49
Subject: My mom told 5yr old being gay is wrong.
Let your son form his own opinion. No need to tear the family apart.
Anonymous
10/30/2018 21:39
Subject: Re:My mom told 5yr old being gay is wrong.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:On the other hand, it's also bad to tell him that your mom's views are wrong just because you disagree with her.
Now, there's a point.
What? Why? If Grandma told the five year old it was fine to murder other people, would it be bad to tell him grandma is wrong about that?
Anonymous
10/30/2018 20:47
Subject: My mom told 5yr old being gay is wrong.
We’ve talked to our DD since she was 4 directly about how her grandfather was wrong about things such as ‘boys marrying boys’ etc. Interestingly-from the beginning she pretty much already knew that as just from soaking up info from overheard conversations and news etc this was less news to her and her questions were more concerned with WHY grandpa was so wrong.
I don’t both-sides beliefs I see as morally abhorrent so while I don’t call grandpa a nut job I do tell DD that grandpa is wrong and I / we don’t agree with him.
I don’t both-sides beliefs I see as morally abhorrent so while I don’t call grandpa a nut job I do tell DD that grandpa is wrong and I / we don’t agree with him.
Anonymous
10/30/2018 20:28
Subject: Re:My mom told 5yr old being gay is wrong.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:On the other hand, it's also bad to tell him that your mom's views are wrong just because you disagree with her.
+1000
There are actually a lot of people who agree with your mother, OP. Obviously, as the child's mother, your POV holds greater sway, but who are you to say that she is wrong?
There are really people who believe all "sides" are equal