Give it time, OP. I went to my first choice college, which I dreamed about for two years and applied early decision to, and was utterly miserable for most of the first semester. I liked the classes but socially was really unhappy - nasty roommate and didn't click with my hallmates, who would openly exclude me. After Thanksgiving break, I finally found my real friends, and then I never looked back.

I would really advise sticking it out for the full first year, and then see where you are. It can take a semester or two to adjust, get through culture shock, and figure out whether the school is right for you and what you want to do with your studies...there are many academic paths to take and this is the time to explore them.

Even the people I knew who were most unhappy fall of freshman year were happy by spring. Some had already applied as transfers but by the time the acceptance came through, had a hard time deciding whether to go.

I think she needs to give it time. People think of college as a wonderful time in life, but it gets more wonderful the further away from it you get.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A freshman athlete I know at Stanford is also unhappy. Same type of concerns as your daughter, except about the level at the sport and lack of culture fit as the kid is from a religious background that is socially more conservative.

She might have found more of a niche at Princeton, which now accepts a small number of transfers.

PP again - Princeton has a small cohort of religious conservatives. There are strong evangelicals groups, a strong yet small Catholic presence, and practicing Orthodox Jews. (I'm not sure which religion the young lady in question practices). I remember meeting faithful Mormons as well. Professor Robert George is well respected on campus. Jamie Rankin is an Evangelical professor in the German department. Athletes in Action is an evangelical fellowship for athletes. I hope that this young lady finds her niche!

Anonymous wrote:A freshman athlete I know at Stanford is also unhappy. Same type of concerns as your daughter, except about the level at the sport and lack of culture fit as the kid is from a religious background that is socially more conservative.

She might have found more of a niche at Princeton, which now accepts a small number of transfers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know an Asian kid who turned down Stanford. Was turned off during visiting day - host didn’t show up despite repeated calls, administration could not be reached, kid plus a dozen others had to sleep on floor near entrance of dorms where other students just stepped over them with no one offering to help, and found the students overly focused on making money. Parents were fine with kid turning down Stanford - kid was a superstar and admitted to HYP also.

I'm the Indian PP. If the kid turned down Stanford for HYP, then that is ok. It's comparable. But not if it's Iowa State, you know what I mean? Some PPs talk about "being true to yourself" and I think your opinion is valid...to you. It's a very American concept to 'find yourself' 'be happy'...and if it's important to you, ok. But that's not what I care about. I care about prestige and I care about marketing myself. Maybe it doesn't fit your American ideals but there's something to be said about the high success rates among Asian immigrants.

Iowa State has a top engineering program and is named one of the happiest schools and best college town year after year. Ironically, not many Asian Americans there. My DC is applying there. Loved the campus.

I guess we are very American. I want my child to be happy and thriving. Not stressed and miserable. And he will make the same amount out of college as an aerospace engineer than someone at MIT. After their first job, the diploma means nothing, especially in engineering.

I have a friend who went to Iowa State, then earned a Ph.D at Stanford. Also in engineering.

Wow, I often find myself hoping that some of these posters are not parents. The harsh ones with messed up values.

How would you like to be thousands of miles away from home...sad and feeling like you messed up on the first major decision you ever had to make.

And some insensitive adult characterizes your predicament as "whining because you aren't getting drunk every night."

She would likely be unhappy at any other university by now. Isn't having the time of her life? So, basically she is not getting drunk and partying day and night? Tell her to stop whining, she has to finish a semester or a year and she is a grown up now, and makde her own bed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't enjoy my top university experience and would have been much better off at a SLAS. My parents were so thrilled I got into the school that they would have been very disappointed if I didn't accept. My friends that went to SLACs went on to attend top graduate programs so it certainly didn't hurt them.

+1.

I went to Duke and I was utterly miserable. I put so much pressure on myself honestly.

Duke is its own animal entirely.

If she is looking for "the best time of her life" the problem isn't standford but expectations. Not everyone gets that, and that is fine. My kid was just talking about this with me on the phoneme .

I'm sorry she didn't make the best choice for herself. Give it time, though. We are in the part of the semester the experts warn us about.

Anonymous wrote:Lots of kids that go out of state end up back at their in-state flagship by sophomore yr because they can't deal without their high school friends (and/or bf/gf). I've seen it dozens of times.

I would not say lots of kids. I have had 2 kids graduate and don’t remember any but one coming back to MD and it was to St Mary’s because her parents divorced and they couldn’t afford her OOS private school. It was pretty sad because she was not happy at St Mary’s.

Lots of kids that go out of state end up back at their in-state flagship by sophomore yr because they can't deal without their high school friends (and/or bf/gf). I've seen it dozens of times.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know an Asian kid who turned down Stanford. Was turned off during visiting day - host didn’t show up despite repeated calls, administration could not be reached, kid plus a dozen others had to sleep on floor near entrance of dorms where other students just stepped over them with no one offering to help, and found the students overly focused on making money. Parents were fine with kid turning down Stanford - kid was a superstar and admitted to HYP also.

I'm the Indian PP. If the kid turned down Stanford for HYP, then that is ok. It's comparable. But not if it's Iowa State, you know what I mean? Some PPs talk about "being true to yourself" and I think your opinion is valid...to you. It's a very American concept to 'find yourself' 'be happy'...and if it's important to you, ok. But that's not what I care about. I care about prestige and I care about marketing myself. Maybe it doesn't fit your American ideals but there's something to be said about the high success rates among Asian immigrants.

Iowa State has a top engineering program and is named one of the happiest schools and best college town year after year. Ironically, not many Asian Americans there. My DC is applying there. Loved the campus.

I guess we are very American. I want my child to be happy and thriving. Not stressed and miserable. And he will make the same amount out of college as an aerospace engineer than someone at MIT. After their first job, the diploma means nothing, especially in engineering.

About the Asian kid who turned down Stanford - the nicest and kindest kid ever who is strong in STEM but is going to pursue his/her passion at HYP, writing. I am Asian and my stem kid refused to apply to MIT as DC has been there on summer programs and hated the campus. DC is at a public college w top engineering programs and a football team..

To the Iowa State applicant - I used to live in Iowa - nicest people. Make sure u catch a football game!

My kid is also in school in CA and the distance is more difficult than expected. I recently visited and it helped a lot.

Excel in music and get Cs in the other classes.

Anonymous wrote:I hear that transferring after freshman year can sometimes lead to admission to schools that are more prestigious/selective than what was possible during the regular admissions cycle. It sounds like your daughter has some legitimate complains about resources for musicians not being the best. It may be good to look into a possible transfer.

There is literally only one direction one goes from Stanford, but the OP's daughter sounds like she would be an academic fit anywhere, so she should go somewhere she thinks she would be happier.