Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be honest, a girls weekend away is not that appealing to me at this point in my life. I have 3 year old twins and a 2 year old. I spent my 20’s and early 30’s doing lots of girl weekends. Then I had children and priorities changed. What appeals to me is meeting a couple friends for dinner or doing a pedicure together then lunch. But actually leaving town? Nope.

I just don't get this. I have a group of four college girlfriends and we do weekends away 3-4 times a year. My best friend and I usually do weekends together with our kids, but once a year we'll do something with just us. My husband and I also enjoy getting away for a weekend trip. Oh, and for Mother's Day I asked for two nights at a resort so I could sleep in and go to the spa. I work, so I'm not home with my kids every day. I believe in spending quality time with them, and I make a big effort to be there for preschool activities and do a lot of fun things with them, but I am not only a mom. I am also a woman, a wife, and a friend, and I spend time cultivating all of those things.

DP: Other. People. Are. Not. You.

It is really, really not that hard.

So many defensive mothers on this thread. Don't be offended if you are considered lame for never wanting to leave your children's side for solo adult interaction. It's not healthy for you or them.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you do not sound particularly nice. At 40, if I got to know any of my friends called me 'lame' for not choosing to go out and drink and dance or whatever, I would drop them. Serious.

PP again. But then again, I know my friends would not do that. Each of us has got some challenges going on in our life currently and we are compassionate and support each other. We do not call them 'lame'.

OP, you do not sound particularly nice. At 40, if I got to know any of my friends called me 'lame' for not choosing to go out and drink and dance or whatever, I would drop them. Serious.

OP, find some new friends who are where you're at. I have one friend who is a SAHM who still hasn't spent a night (or any time other than school) away from her 1st grade daughter. When her daughter was a baby, my friend make her mom come to the hair salon so my friend could see the baby the entire time she was getting a haircut. And money is no problem for her - she's super rich. There used to be three of us that were friends and two of us have grown much closer because we are willing to do things without our kids (we do things together with our kids, but she won't ever come out and spend time away from her daughter). I don't go around looking for opportunities to avoid seeing my children or my husband, but we spend a lot of quality time together (we are fortunate to not have to work weekends and to be able to be home for breakfast and dinner every day and also be able to take off work when we want). As a result, I am able to spend time with friends, whether that's dinner or drinks or a weekend trip, without feeling guilty. I'm not alone because I have at least a dozen close girlfriends in the same boat, so just go out and find those people!

Anonymous wrote:Wow OP. I guess by your definition, most moms are "lame." I work full time and I have a toddler who I actually enjoy, so most of my free time is spent with said toddler. Also, my partner and I work opposite hours, so I can't just have him watch said child so I can go out whenever. I do keep up with friends though, we do child friendly activities or I host at my place after bed time. Maybe you are just so shitty no one wants to make time for you?

You're not lame, you're just a bitch. So you think any mom who spends any moment not at work away from her child doesn't "actually enjoy them"?

Anonymous wrote:To be honest, a girls weekend away is not that appealing to me at this point in my life. I have 3 year old twins and a 2 year old. I spent my 20’s and early 30’s doing lots of girl weekends. Then I had children and priorities changed. What appeals to me is meeting a couple friends for dinner or doing a pedicure together then lunch. But actually leaving town? Nope.

I just don't get this. I have a group of four college girlfriends and we do weekends away 3-4 times a year. My best friend and I usually do weekends together with our kids, but once a year we'll do something with just us. My husband and I also enjoy getting away for a weekend trip. Oh, and for Mother's Day I asked for two nights at a resort so I could sleep in and go to the spa. I work, so I'm not home with my kids every day. I believe in spending quality time with them, and I make a big effort to be there for preschool activities and do a lot of fun things with them, but I am not only a mom. I am also a woman, a wife, and a friend, and I spend time cultivating all of those things.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:oh Shut up. You are probably one of those people with eight willing family babysitter. I have tons of friends like you, thinking that everyone has grandparents who are jumping to come down and take care of their kids. No one in my family is willing or able to keep my kids overnight. I could hire someone, but seriously, what a pain. I’m rich, but my family sucks and my kids are young my husband works 80 hour weeks and I’m tired. (And I’m not even an “old” mom) Give me a break.

We actually have no local family. We do have paid help and I have a husband. DH can take care of kids with paid help to help him.

PLEASE tell me you mean the paid help is helping while he's working and not while he's at home.

OP, either soften your approach or get new friends that are in the same "stage" of life as you are.

I’m a “lame” mom, and I’m thinking of who in my crowd would write this kind of OP.

If you were my friend OP, I would want to tell you that you have some opportunities that the rest of us don’t have. I don’t know you like I know my friend, but she for example has family literally next door to watch the kids daily (even for short spurts). She has actually younger kids than I do, while I have an older kid and younger kids, which means life is simpler for her right now. No homework, wordy-attitudes, committed after school activities. I also have the same tantrums, little kid activities, and chasing-them-around exhaustion that she has. She has some work commitments that I don’t have, but they’re entirely optional as they are independently wealthy with a home paid off.

I wouldn’t compare myself to her ever. I chose what I have. But if she called me lame....that’s when I would compare. I don’t have time to do really anything extra for myself. Vacation w/o kids is the best I can do, and not yearly. I can afford to hire a babysitter monthly to go out with my husband;and most of the time we want to go alone, not with friends, so we can actually talk.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parenthood makes all of us lame. My teens cannot imagine that their dad and me at one time were adventurous, hip, hot party-animals. They snort in derision when we talk about our wild shenanigans. Now, all we want to do is wear microfiber pjs and read a book on our tablet or browse DCUM at night.

Op here. This is/was me. Maybe I’m having a midlife crisis. I just lost all my baby weight. I look and feel fabulous for the first time in a long time. I feel great! I want to go out, want to travel, see shows and concerts. It is me that has changed. If you spoke to me a few months ago, I would have preferred to go to bed at 8.

You are just full if yourself OP.

Also...OP wonders why her friends are so lame, when they are just like she was less than a year ago. So, it's really just that OP has now "moved on," and is irritated that everyone else's life isn't marching in lockstep with hers. My advice is to grow the hell up. You know perfectly well why your friends aren't up for weekends away and late nights on the town, so why not have a little compassion? You sound really self-centered. When you had a baby, you brought the baby with you so you could do what you wanted, but now no one else is supposed to do that because it's not what you want anymore.

You sound like a b*tch. That's probably your problem OP.

I wouldn't want to spend a whole weekend with you either. Your friends can probably only tolerate you in limited doses.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of those moms with no time, money, or willing family babysitters. I'm happy to do evenings if it's planned in advance and not super late on weeknights, but I don't have any interest in getting away for entire weekends. PP who mentioned women away from their kids 60 hours a week not wanting to miss them on weekends too was spot on. I really appreciate and value my frienda who are willing to meet me at my level.

Op here. I get it. I know. I was just venting. The first few years of motherhood were a blur. When I worked, I missed my kids. I still met up with my then childless friends. I would bring the baby with me.

If it was ok for you to bring your baby with you back then, then why isn't it ok to meet with your friends + their children now?

I immediately wondered this, too. OP's solution was to bring her baby with her, but she thinks that other moms are lame because they want to...wait for it...bring the baby with them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parenthood makes all of us lame. My teens cannot imagine that their dad and me at one time were adventurous, hip, hot party-animals. They snort in derision when we talk about our wild shenanigans. Now, all we want to do is wear microfiber pjs and read a book on our tablet or browse DCUM at night.

Op here. This is/was me. Maybe I’m having a midlife crisis. I just lost all my baby weight. I look and feel fabulous for the first time in a long time. I feel great! I want to go out, want to travel, see shows and concerts. It is me that has changed. If you spoke to me a few months ago, I would have preferred to go to bed at 8.

You are just full if yourself OP.

It sounds like your kids are older than your friends kids. Having a 10 month old is very different than a 2 year old. Give them another year.