Anonymous wrote:I'm thinking about doing this as one child has a different father (my first husband) who will leave her part of his estate (I assume). He is in touch with her and pays for vacations, school, etc. My son will only inherit from me and my current husband so it seems to me like he would be shorted. Not sure what to do but I'm trying to work it out.

Anonymous wrote:I'm thinking about doing this as one child has a different father (my first husband) who will leave her part of his estate (I assume). He is in touch with her and pays for vacations, school, etc. My son will only inherit from me and my current husband so it seems to me like he would be shorted. Not sure what to do but I'm trying to work it out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad has a child from his second marriage who is almost 20 years younger than me and my other sibling. My half-brother has some significant LDs, and although he is now married and self-supporting, he has a lot of trouble finding and holding jobs and is unlikely to ever achieve more than a modest income. (Of course, we could be wrong about that, but he is now in his 30s so odds are high). I make a very comfortable income and my other sibling does as well, and a few years ago our dad sat us down and said he and our stepmother are planning to distribute $ in their wills roughly 50% to our half-sib with learning issues and 25% each to my other sibling and me, on the grounds that a) our half-sib is younger and will have more "parentless" years than we did, since he was born to much older parents, and b) he is unlikely to every make as much money as we do, and c) we will inherit some money (presumably) from our mother, his ex wife.

I have sort of mixed feelings. On the one hand I totally get it and agree: I don't "need" the money and my half-sib, a sweet guy who really struggles with his issues, probably will need it. I also have never felt "entitled" to any inheritance. But on the other hand I have to admit it hurts a little. It's stupid and I try really hard to rise above it, but it does trigger some old jealousies and resentments. My other brother and I grew up pretty poor and lived with our mother after our parents got divorced, and though our dad was always very present in our lives, we did not live with him, whereas our half-sibling, born when we were adults, lived with our dad in a nuclear family and had a much more affluent childhood than we did. I do struggle not to feel hurt.

I guess overall I wish my dad would just divvy up whatever there is 1/3 to each of us, and trust that my brother and I will help our less-able half-sib as needed. We have both already helped him a lot financially: letting him stay with us for extended periods, giving him pretty large cash gifts to help out, and so on. We are both close to him and would always be there to help, just as our parents have been, if he ever needs it.

but at the end of the day: I love my dad and love our brother, so... nothing we can't get past.

Doofus you'll get ZERO. Dad will go first, wife will take all, and leave you two nothing.

Not necessarily. Many people who are in this situation establish a trust with a life estate for the surviving spouse, so she can't disinherit the older kids.

Honestly, my XH is too stupid to realize this. I think there are a lot of people out there who don’t realize the laws of succession without a will and, even if they intent to bequeath their accumulated assets to their children, don’t realize they have to take affirmative action for that to happen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are either of your children actually incapable of taking care of themselves? If one is actually not going to be able to be self sufficient, then of course, leave more for that child. If one is just more pleasant (and has some learning issues) and the other is less pleasant but no diagnosed issues, then NO, do not make it an uneven split.

+1 IMO, there are only two reasons for an uneven split -- one child can't care for themselves or one child spent substantially more time/money caring for the parent. DH's parents didn't have much of an estate but he asked them not to leave anything to him since his brother (who lives in the same town) has spent so much time helping them with their small business, life management, health issues, etc.

OP: Do be mindful of what this will do to your family dynamics. It looks like I'm going to be on the "short" end of an unequal split between my only sibling and me. Father passed away two years ago. Mother never wanted me to know the contents if her will until after her death, but I had to receive his will/sign a waiver during the probate process so my mother could get my father's estate settled. The contingent beneficiary section indicated how the estate would have been divided, if my mother had not been around. I won't go into great detail, but it's probably 75% sibling/25% me. I had never been estranged from my parents, and I provided a lot of support to them during the course of my father's illness. They had favored my sibling in a lot of ways that I had previously been able to excuse, but the finality of this cut me to the core. I still love my mother and don't covet her assets, which she worked for and has every right to. However, I expected things would be divided equally, if there were assets remaining. My mother gets upset when I raise the issue, and still won't discuss the specifics of her will, but I gather it is similar to that of my father. Much as I try, it's difficult to continue our relationship as before because these issues loom large. Holiday visits are tense, and my mother avoids seeing me at other times. My sibling and I have never been close, and this isn't helping.

Are you and sibling different genders? Wonder why this disparity?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad has a child from his second marriage who is almost 20 years younger than me and my other sibling. My half-brother has some significant LDs, and although he is now married and self-supporting, he has a lot of trouble finding and holding jobs and is unlikely to ever achieve more than a modest income. (Of course, we could be wrong about that, but he is now in his 30s so odds are high). I make a very comfortable income and my other sibling does as well, and a few years ago our dad sat us down and said he and our stepmother are planning to distribute $ in their wills roughly 50% to our half-sib with learning issues and 25% each to my other sibling and me, on the grounds that a) our half-sib is younger and will have more "parentless" years than we did, since he was born to much older parents, and b) he is unlikely to every make as much money as we do, and c) we will inherit some money (presumably) from our mother, his ex wife.

I have sort of mixed feelings. On the one hand I totally get it and agree: I don't "need" the money and my half-sib, a sweet guy who really struggles with his issues, probably will need it. I also have never felt "entitled" to any inheritance. But on the other hand I have to admit it hurts a little. It's stupid and I try really hard to rise above it, but it does trigger some old jealousies and resentments. My other brother and I grew up pretty poor and lived with our mother after our parents got divorced, and though our dad was always very present in our lives, we did not live with him, whereas our half-sibling, born when we were adults, lived with our dad in a nuclear family and had a much more affluent childhood than we did. I do struggle not to feel hurt.

I guess overall I wish my dad would just divvy up whatever there is 1/3 to each of us, and trust that my brother and I will help our less-able half-sib as needed. We have both already helped him a lot financially: letting him stay with us for extended periods, giving him pretty large cash gifts to help out, and so on. We are both close to him and would always be there to help, just as our parents have been, if he ever needs it.

but at the end of the day: I love my dad and love our brother, so... nothing we can't get past.

Doofus you'll get ZERO. Dad will go first, wife will take all, and leave you two nothing.

Not necessarily. Many people who are in this situation establish a trust with a life estate for the surviving spouse, so she can't disinherit the older kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad has a child from his second marriage who is almost 20 years younger than me and my other sibling. My half-brother has some significant LDs, and although he is now married and self-supporting, he has a lot of trouble finding and holding jobs and is unlikely to ever achieve more than a modest income. (Of course, we could be wrong about that, but he is now in his 30s so odds are high). I make a very comfortable income and my other sibling does as well, and a few years ago our dad sat us down and said he and our stepmother are planning to distribute $ in their wills roughly 50% to our half-sib with learning issues and 25% each to my other sibling and me, on the grounds that a) our half-sib is younger and will have more "parentless" years than we did, since he was born to much older parents, and b) he is unlikely to every make as much money as we do, and c) we will inherit some money (presumably) from our mother, his ex wife.

I have sort of mixed feelings. On the one hand I totally get it and agree: I don't "need" the money and my half-sib, a sweet guy who really struggles with his issues, probably will need it. I also have never felt "entitled" to any inheritance. But on the other hand I have to admit it hurts a little. It's stupid and I try really hard to rise above it, but it does trigger some old jealousies and resentments. My other brother and I grew up pretty poor and lived with our mother after our parents got divorced, and though our dad was always very present in our lives, we did not live with him, whereas our half-sibling, born when we were adults, lived with our dad in a nuclear family and had a much more affluent childhood than we did. I do struggle not to feel hurt.

I guess overall I wish my dad would just divvy up whatever there is 1/3 to each of us, and trust that my brother and I will help our less-able half-sib as needed. We have both already helped him a lot financially: letting him stay with us for extended periods, giving him pretty large cash gifts to help out, and so on. We are both close to him and would always be there to help, just as our parents have been, if he ever needs it.

but at the end of the day: I love my dad and love our brother, so... nothing we can't get past.

Doofus you'll get ZERO. Dad will go first, wife will take all, and leave you two nothing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are either of your children actually incapable of taking care of themselves? If one is actually not going to be able to be self sufficient, then of course, leave more for that child. If one is just more pleasant (and has some learning issues) and the other is less pleasant but no diagnosed issues, then NO, do not make it an uneven split.

+1 IMO, there are only two reasons for an uneven split -- one child can't care for themselves or one child spent substantially more time/money caring for the parent. DH's parents didn't have much of an estate but he asked them not to leave anything to him since his brother (who lives in the same town) has spent so much time helping them with their small business, life management, health issues, etc.

OP: Do be mindful of what this will do to your family dynamics. It looks like I'm going to be on the "short" end of an unequal split between my only sibling and me. Father passed away two years ago. Mother never wanted me to know the contents if her will until after her death, but I had to receive his will/sign a waiver during the probate process so my mother could get my father's estate settled. The contingent beneficiary section indicated how the estate would have been divided, if my mother had not been around. I won't go into great detail, but it's probably 75% sibling/25% me. I had never been estranged from my parents, and I provided a lot of support to them during the course of my father's illness. They had favored my sibling in a lot of ways that I had previously been able to excuse, but the finality of this cut me to the core. I still love my mother and don't covet her assets, which she worked for and has every right to. However, I expected things would be divided equally, if there were assets remaining. My mother gets upset when I raise the issue, and still won't discuss the specifics of her will, but I gather it is similar to that of my father. Much as I try, it's difficult to continue our relationship as before because these issues loom large. Holiday visits are tense, and my mother avoids seeing me at other times. My sibling and I have never been close, and this isn't helping.