Thank you for all of the advice. I have been seeing a therapist and will continue to do so. I am encouraging DH to do the same.

I have been doing a lot of reading, and I know that without help things will never improve for us. I have started to plan an exit strategy, should his promises fail. (Which they probably will, as they have in the past.)

I am no longer engaging in arguments with him. I did write a long letter to him explaining my feelings. I don't know that I will give it to him, but just writing it was pretty therapeutic.

I absolutely care about our children and protect them from everything. I do not think that being a single mom is worse than this. I do, however, know that jumping ship without a lifeboat will destroy us. We don't have a strong support system in the area, so this part is taking some time.

I am not blameless in this life, but I am worth more than this. I see that my strength needs to now go towards building a new life and not just toughing out this storm. I hope that the new life includes a sober DH, but that's his job, not mine.

Hi @OP it is sad and unfortunate what you are having to experience in your marriage. You have obviously endured a lot in the hope that your husband will change his ways but it doesn't seem like the situation is getting any better. As others have suggested, you do need to consider getting professional help for yourself and your children and also if possible for your husband as well.

Finding the help you need doesn't mean you have to give up on your marriage but it is to enable you to be in a stronger and safer place emotionally to make the right decisions for you and your children and to help support your husband in getting help for himself. Is there anyone in the family that both you and your husband trust and respect that you can talk to about this situation and who might be able to counsel your husband? Also can you look for a time that your husband is sober enough to have a serious discussion with him as to the damage he is doing to your family.

Alcoholism has been described as a debilitating condition for which there is treatment although it can be tough getting a loved one to seek help. I do want to encourage you to be strong and know that lots of people have been able to overcome alcohol addiction and go on to turn their lives around for the better.
There are some fantastic resources available on here https://bit.ly/2yiuHtf that will give you some insight on how to go forward. My hope is that you and your family can be part of the success stories of overcoming a very difficult situation. Wish you all the best.