Anonymous
Post 09/08/2018 14:24     Subject: Little sister is acting out
Anonymous wrote:My parents didn’t make much money and what little they had they spent on my college education. By the time my younger siblings were college age, my parents were older and the funds dried out. As such, my second oldest sister put herself halfway through college. She graduated and is doing well now.
My youngest sister flunked out of an exoensive private school that my parents sent her too because she showed academic excellence in middle school. My dad flushed what little savings and retirement savings he had to put her through. His reasoning was that she was academically gifted, she could get a scholarship to a good college. However she fell into the bad crowd, flunked high school and then wound up bumming out for a few years. She didn’t want to go to community college, she partiesnit up and focused on her music and art. She also got a part time job at a school as a kindergarten assistant. She is surprisingly good at it.

Meanwhile all her peers have graduated college and are now starting jobs. For the first time it has hit her that she screwed up. She is deviated at being so behind. And now instead of enrolling in a community college she is yelling at our parents for being poor and not financing her education. She tells my dad he is a user and tells my mom she shouldn’t have had kids if they couldn’t afford it. She wants an all paid enrollment at any four year institution so she can have the college experience. I tell her to enroll in a college and pay her way through. She says I have no right to speak to her as her family screwed her over.

What to do?


are you sending your kids to community college, OP?

that said, the fact that your sister is focused on 'college experience' rather than an academic program that would lead to a salaried job suggests that she is still not ready for any kind of investment.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2018 14:14     Subject: Little sister is acting out
Anonymous wrote:No one owes the little sister anything.

If sister has issues she should leave instead of mooching off her parents while whining about how she was treated unfairly. Seems like parents did everything they could for these kids. Sure some decisions were not made wisely, but everyone makes mistakes. They did what they thought was best for each child knowing their child’s potential. Two of them made full use of whatever opportunity was given to them and the third one blew it. There is no one to blame for her failure but her.

Expecting parents to pay for your college education is insane. It’s not that cheap. If parents fund the education then it’s a huge favor they are doing to their capable adult child, they are not obligated to do that.

Entitlement and ungratefulness run really high among the youth of this country.


right... but of course they did it for OP. if they didn't pay anyone's college it would have been a different situation entirely.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2018 14:13     Subject: Little sister is acting out
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't envy OP. She will forever have a strained relationship with her sister.


OP needs to offer her sister to help pay her tuition IF she gets her shit back.


Why offer? Frankly, sister has shown she is a bad investment. Partied away high school and whines now that friends are finishing college and entering the real world. If sister would show some initiative now, and act like she's ready to launch into adulthood, OP could offer some limited tuition for a limited time, paid directly to a program and not to sister herself. But OP does not OWE that to her sister out of guilt.


nobody said she owed her anything -it was the parents' screw up, not the sisters though she is the one who benefited. but if OP wants to have a relationship with her sister she will need to help her, assuming (and there i agree with you) that the sister has matured and that the help would not go to waste.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2018 09:58     Subject: Little sister is acting out
I’m curious about ages. So it sounds like little sister is 22. And big sister is significantly older than the other two sisters. It’s possible there are 15 even 20 years between them. They could be half siblings but op refers the parents as mom and dad. Still, could be a step situation.

Fair or not fair debate aside, my contribution is that large age gaps between siblings can cause this kind of strife. OP has a very “old lady vibe” about her. The 22yo has a “millennial vibe”.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2018 09:41     Subject: Little sister is acting out
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't envy OP. She will forever have a strained relationship with her sister.


OP needs to offer her sister to help pay her tuition IF she gets her shit back.


Why offer? Frankly, sister has shown she is a bad investment. Partied away high school and whines now that friends are finishing college and entering the real world. If sister would show some initiative now, and act like she's ready to launch into adulthood, OP could offer some limited tuition for a limited time, paid directly to a program and not to sister herself. But OP does not OWE that to her sister out of guilt.