Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, my son goes to a very expensive (sigh) private school for kids with severe issues. We, his parents, are very successful by all accounts, wealthy, in shape and look like we have a “perfect” life from the outside, I guess. We’re also “neoliberals” . All of the parents at my sons schools re similar. Our kids are disabled. And they’re awesome, individual, incredible kids with talents. They might not make a bajillion dollars. They might not be famous. But they’re learning how to learn and love and they’re here, which, for some of them, is a miracle. I can’t imagine having your mentality or dilemma. I will be honest that it rubs me as morally abhorrent.

For the sake of an anecdote, my husband was always considered average at best in high school and randomly tested amazingly on the SAT and had been an incredibly high achiever ever since.

Well, they don't have to make a bajillion dollars, they'll just live off their trust funds.

Try being poor and having health problems/special needs.

Anonymous wrote:Op, my son goes to a very expensive (sigh) private school for kids with severe issues. We, his parents, are very successful by all accounts, wealthy, in shape and look like we have a “perfect” life from the outside, I guess. We’re also “neoliberals” . All of the parents at my sons schools re similar. Our kids are disabled. And they’re awesome, individual, incredible kids with talents. They might not make a bajillion dollars. They might not be famous. But they’re learning how to learn and love and they’re here, which, for some of them, is a miracle. I can’t imagine having your mentality or dilemma. I will be honest that it rubs me as morally abhorrent.

For the sake of an anecdote, my husband was always considered average at best in high school and randomly tested amazingly on the SAT and had been an incredibly high achiever ever since.

Anonymous wrote:Op, my son goes to a very expensive (sigh) private school for kids with severe issues. We, his parents, are very successful by all accounts, wealthy, in shape and look like we have a “perfect” life from the outside, I guess. We’re also “neoliberals” . All of the parents at my sons schools re similar. Our kids are disabled. And they’re awesome, individual, incredible kids with talents. They might not make a bajillion dollars. They might not be famous. But they’re learning how to learn and love and they’re here, which, for some of them, is a miracle. I can’t imagine having your mentality or dilemma. I will be honest that it rubs me as morally abhorrent.

For the sake of an anecdote, my husband was always considered average at best in high school and randomly tested amazingly on the SAT and had been an incredibly high achiever ever since.

Anonymous wrote:Because we are on a path towards a winner-takes-all kind of economy -- i.e., outsized rewards go to the top 1% or fraction of 1% -- people are understandably anxious about how their kids stack up. Folks worry about whether or not "merely" average, or slightly above average, kids, will turn into adults who have satisfying jobs that can keep a roof over their head, keep them out of precarious financial situations (like being ruined by a health problem), and who can afford to raise a family. (Maybe PP who decided to invest in a future income stream for their kid had it right.)

But really, OP, your kid is 3, and you just don't know what they'll be like in the future. Kids with high SES and involved parents tend to achieve more at the preschool age, yes. But you have no idea if your kid is going to have brilliant insights into medieval history, or be a badminton champion, or a virtuoso harmonica player later on. Lots of people with average IQs can achieve great things when they find something they're interested in, pursue it with dedication, and get appropriate support in doing so.

Try not to take other people talking about their kids as an attempt to one-up you (unless those friends of yours tend to be one-uppers, in which case, please find some new friends). Some people just want to share the things that their kids are doing, because they're excited about it. And yes, some of those achievements will be things that are academic-ish -- i.e., Larla knows all her letters! and whatnot.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, my son goes to a very expensive (sigh) private school for kids with severe issues. We, his parents, are very successful by all accounts, wealthy, in shape and look like we have a “perfect” life from the outside, I guess. We’re also “neoliberals” . All of the parents at my sons schools re similar. Our kids are disabled. And they’re awesome, individual, incredible kids with talents. They might not make a bajillion dollars. They might not be famous. But they’re learning how to learn and love and they’re here, which, for some of them, is a miracle. I can’t imagine having your mentality or dilemma. I will be honest that it rubs me as morally abhorrent.

For the sake of an anecdote, my husband was always considered average at best in high school and randomly tested amazingly on the SAT and had been an incredibly high achiever ever since.

OP is worried about her kid, the same as almost every other poster on DCUM. And you find that morally abhorrent...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You love your child no matter their IQ. You are an idiot.

...see?

Anonymous wrote:Just stop, PP. I am not competing. I am relaying what I am hearing all around me, and it’s unnerving. I don’t want or need a Mark or Misty: the parents around me have literally said this (about different kids, in different instances), and have asked what my kids “thing” is, and I’ve tried to laugh it off with “being three.” And now, since I’ll perhaps get a snide response about that, even, it’s often impossible to convey all of this in phone-creates quick posts, especially when some come to attack. “The wolves will get you;” what kind of crap heap posts that? But I do think I’ve learned not to engage so much here, and appreciate the well-intended responses.

Anonymous wrote:Find some new friends who have nothing better to do than brag about their kids. Do parents seriously sit around and brag about how advanced their kids are? (I'm not talking about DCUM, of course -- pretty much everyone on here has a "gifted" kid. But do parents really talk like that in real life?)

Be at peace that your daughter no longer seems to have special needs.

Figure out what she's interested in and/or good at and cultivate those interests and talents. No one in the whole world is talentless. You said she's social and sweet -- well, maybe she'll be a great therapist someday, or a teacher, or an HR manager, or a nurse. But right now, she's 3 -- she should be cultivating interest in things like being outdoors or reading books or playing with animals or coloring pictures or banging on drums. As she gets older, her interests will start to reveal themselves.

Do not underestimate the importance of emotional intelligence, creativity, and empathy. Those are skills that are needed in all facets of life.

Help her to understand that hard work is often times more important than raw talent. She may have to work 2x harder to get where she wants to go. That does not mean it is impossible for her to get there.

Finally, if she grows up knowing she's loved and in a secure and stable home, and she has parents who believe in her ability to succeed, and parents who teach her the skills she needs to do well, she's going to be just fine in life.

As for you, when parents are bragging about their kids, smile serenely and let it roll off your back. Your daughter is completely fine, just the way she is.