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Anonymous wrote:$7000? What are you looking at? State taxes total? You know that very little of your property tax goes to school. And ~20% of what is used for school tax is returned to northern va, but ~80% goes to the southern counties in Virginia? It's fine if you don't want to donate, but don't propogate misinformation that your taxes pay for schools up here.

Our PTA funds a lot of things that we appreciate...supplies, school buses for field trips, art and science enrichment programs for the class. Some of the programs, we don't appreciate as much, but we still donate time to those we do, and money if we can.

These black and white, good vs. bad, PTA analysis are missing the point. If you want to be involved, do so. If you don't, it doesn't mean it is all bad. I work full time and donate a lot of time and energy.

No it's the school line. We live in an expensive house, and DH and i each make close to seven figures.

You make that kind of money and are complaining about donating $5 to a class party and volunteering. Have your nanny or housekeeper do it then. As a room parent, I have to laugh at those who I know don't have a lot seem to donate the most and those like you with the big incomes, fancy cars and fancy houses are stingy. They send in the absolute minimum and do nothing for basics like parties and leave it to the rest of us to fund... You do realize your kids watch everything you do and see how selfish you are.

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Anonymous wrote:One of the moms I know from my kids' school always signs up for some big PTA gig - auction chair or that sort of thing. Then she tries to get everyone she knows to do some part of the work. I totally understand that all the big events etc require a village to pull off. But I feel like I'm constantly getting gang-pressed into stuff that I just don't want to do. I work FT and so I have to be strategic about how and when to volunteer at my kids' schools, and finding sponsors for the back-to-school carnival would not be on my list. So I would never sign up to do it! But the mom in question is very nice and our kids are friends, so I have trouble saying sorry, I'm too busy (esp bc of the SAHM-WOHM dynamics.) Same way I might feel social pressure to buy some MLM crap that I'd never pick up in an actual store.

And it occurred to me that this is not accidental - the only way this stuff gets done is if some parent takes on a big job and then arm-twists/guilt-trips her friends into helping. Which makes me feel extra badly about the whole situation. Can anyone else relate to this? And does anyone have a really persuasive way to extricate yourself from this kind of thing? I know, I could just say no, but I feel like I'm being insulting or unsupportive.

OP, please consider how offensive it is to compare the pTA to a pyramid scheme, when no one is making any profit off hard work on big events like the carnival, which everyone hates but the kids love.

Then re-read the bolded part. The problem is not your fried nor is it the PTA, not even the stupid carnival. The problem is you apparently can't say no. Grow a spine, set some boundaries, say yes when you can and no when you can't and move on with your life. You can't say no, so everyone else is the problem? Um, no. Life is too short to feel guilty every minute of the day for saying reasonably, no.

This. Op-you're slandering people volunteering their time and you don't have adult skills to say no. Look inwards.

NP.

It's more complicated than this.

My experience is some of the people who do the asking have expectations for how things should be done that don't match mine. I don't need the pinterest level carnival or room party. My kids don't need it. And I don't find it enjoyable and I don't want to do it. That's where it gets awkward. It's not just saying no and moving on. It's I've said yes agreeably and now you're bulldozing me with your Martha Stewart level aspirations.

See: Too much time on people's hands.

Your kids don't need a classroom Halloween party or end of the year party? Ok. Then don't organize it. Pick up your kids early if they find classroom parties offensive. That's fine. My kids love it (and the kids in the classroom seem to enjoy it too.) And I've never seen a "pinterest party" in my years as an elementary school parents. Most of the parents at my kids' school work, and we get the events done, but there's nothing pinterest-y about them.

My kids enjoy the party. I'm not saying don't do the parties. They don't need to have 4 games up set up that all involve "crafting" to create, an intricate craft, and a snack that is both cute and clever.

Just because you have never experienced something in your years as an elementary school parent doesn't mean it has never happened.

Why get so bothered? Just don't volunteer to help with the parties. Help with something else that you are less offended by. Some parents really enjoy doing the pinterest stuff. Unless they are demanding a ridiculous amount of money, is it really hurting anyone?

Some of you are defensive.

I was paired with someone as a room parent who was pinterest queen. We planned the parties. That's part of the job. I pushed back on her elaborate ideas and she did the parties her way anyway. I then participated in the pinterest parties so we could peacefully co-exist and to avoid a situation where it seemed I wasn't doing my share. Yes, some of you will counsel me that I should have just said no and why am I bothered if she wants to have a pinterest party. Let her do it and you do less work. That's great that all of you are out in the world asserting your boundaries left and right. Sometimes I eat shit to get along and keep the peace and maintain good relationships because my kids are involved. Sue me.

So yes, I was bothered. No I couldn't just not help with the parties.

And no, the teacher didn't dictate all the centers and activities.

I still don't get it. This doesn't sound like something an adult would be upset about. Maybe save yourself some stress and don't sign up to be room parent?

Anonymous wrote:Please, it was an analogy - I didn't say this mom was benefitting financially and I didn't attack her. But if I wanted to be on the auction committee or head up the back-to-school carnival, I would sign up to do that. Instead, some other parent signs up to be the "chair" and then calls saying how busy she is with some big school event and how she really, really, really needs help. And so every time I find myself sucked into this as a result. And it suddenly occurred to me that this is an effective way to rope in more people than would otherwise sign up (just like pyramid schemes are an effective way to rope in more money.

It is the job of the chair to get volunteers to help. Why do you have a problem with that? One person can't do it all, obviously.

Anonymous wrote:$7000? What are you looking at? State taxes total? You know that very little of your property tax goes to school. And ~20% of what is used for school tax is returned to northern va, but ~80% goes to the southern counties in Virginia? It's fine if you don't want to donate, but don't propogate misinformation that your taxes pay for schools up here.

Our PTA funds a lot of things that we appreciate...supplies, school buses for field trips, art and science enrichment programs for the class. Some of the programs, we don't appreciate as much, but we still donate time to those we do, and money if we can.

These black and white, good vs. bad, PTA analysis are missing the point. If you want to be involved, do so. If you don't, it doesn't mean it is all bad. I work full time and donate a lot of time and energy.

No it's the school line. We live in an expensive house, and DH and i each make close to seven figures.

There is so much wrong on this thread!

OP, if you don't wamt to volunteer for a project or event, just say "no." That's a you problem, not a PTA problem!

The reason friends ask their friends to volunteer tear is that they already sent multiple requests to the list serv and didn't get enough volunteers! Then it's up to the chair(s) to get it done any way they can (which means asking friends).

None of my kids schools had PTAs where parents are bored and just want to socialize. Not sure if its jealousy over SAH vs working, but nobody volunteers countless hours to socialize, to get thanks, or any other reason other than they are selfless and are doing it for hundreds of kids.

The budget is public and voted on/approved by the membership. If the membership didn't want an event to happen, it would not be hard to stop it - a majority needs to vote against that item/event.

Chrome books are provided now. I have been a PTA member as part of MCPS for 11 years, and plenty of PTAs I was a member of in that time have purchased both chrome books and promethean boards. Why? Because of equity- some classrooms had them and some didn't. I wanted to be part of the solution as far as making sure every student had access to the technology.

If you don't like teacher appreciation week, don't participate. Teachers are with your kids 6+ hours per day. They don't make nearly as much money as you and most spend hundreds (and many spend thousands) of their own money for their students, YOUR kids. I appreciate what they do, and am happy to do those little things (yes, flowers, food, gift cards, etc) for them. If you are not, don't do it, but please stop whining about it.

Anonymous wrote:I don't get the outrage. If I don't like or care about a particular activity, or think that the PTA shouldn't be doing it, I don't volunteer for or donate to that activity. If I do, I volunteer or donate as I am able. It's not that hard.

Well I somewhat agree, but I’m good at saying no. Some adults really suck at it and it can ruin their lives.

a good PTA like the ones in mclean or north arlington will have too many volunteers for positions

I don't get the outrage. If I don't like or care about a particular activity, or think that the PTA shouldn't be doing it, I don't volunteer for or donate to that activity. If I do, I volunteer or donate as I am able. It's not that hard.

$7000? What are you looking at? State taxes total? You know that very little of your property tax goes to school. And ~20% of what is used for school tax is returned to northern va, but ~80% goes to the southern counties in Virginia? It's fine if you don't want to donate, but don't propogate misinformation that your taxes pay for schools up here.

Our PTA funds a lot of things that we appreciate...supplies, school buses for field trips, art and science enrichment programs for the class. Some of the programs, we don't appreciate as much, but we still donate time to those we do, and money if we can.

These black and white, good vs. bad, PTA analysis are missing the point. If you want to be involved, do so. If you don't, it doesn't mean it is all bad. I work full time and donate a lot of time and energy.

Anonymous wrote:Another person in the camp of: my kid doesn't need the excess parties and junk. Most of the activities are make work and i'd be happier without. My DH and i both work, and our "school taxes" line last year on our state tax return was over $7000. Perhaps if some of these women got real jobs that paid taxes, that would give a more helpful financial dent in the school budget instead of their begging for $5 here and there from other parents.

If you give the school system more money, they will find more ways to waste it. They aren't going to say, hey, we are getting $5million more this year, so lets give it directly to the teaches so they can have $500 each to do as they see fit for their classroom. It doesn't work that way so either you donate money, food or it comes out of the room parent's pocket. When you are stingy and only send in the exact supplies asked and your child runs out, who do you think supplies it - either the teacher buys with their own money, room parent asks for more donations or a few of us are decent and donate knowing its a need. Some of us don't need to work. Our spouses make enough for us to comfortably live on and we value spending time with our kids over money. We have plenty of savings, a good college fund and can pay cash for what ever we need. So, I'm happy to donate $5 or $100 (which is often what I spend) on a class party so stingy people like you can complain about someone asking for a donation to benefit your child. Do us a favor and have your nanny get your child home early from school that day so its one less mouth to feed.

Anonymous wrote:Another person in the camp of: my kid doesn't need the excess parties and junk. Most of the activities are make work and i'd be happier without. My DH and i both work, and our "school taxes" line last year on our state tax return was over $7000. Perhaps if some of these women got real jobs that paid taxes, that would give a more helpful financial dent in the school budget instead of their begging for $5 here and there from other parents.

Well I was totally with you except I SAH. But trust me, our household pays plenty of taxes.

Anonymous wrote:Another person in the camp of: my kid doesn't need the excess parties and junk. Most of the activities are make work and i'd be happier without. My DH and i both work, and our "school taxes" line last year on our state tax return was over $7000. Perhaps if some of these women got real jobs that paid taxes, that would give a more helpful financial dent in the school budget instead of their begging for $5 here and there from other parents.

You paid taxes. Aren't you special? Here's a cookie.

Another person in the camp of: my kid doesn't need the excess parties and junk. Most of the activities are make work and i'd be happier without. My DH and i both work, and our "school taxes" line last year on our state tax return was over $7000. Perhaps if some of these women got real jobs that paid taxes, that would give a more helpful financial dent in the school budget instead of their begging for $5 here and there from other parents.

Anonymous wrote:The teacher appreciation week nonsense has to stop. I'm as supportive of teachers as anyone but a whole week of casseroles and cookies etc.... is too much. I'm sure they would all prefer a $15 gift card to Amazon.

If they have Amazon Prime. Ours have consistently said Target. Our school gets the same gift from the PTA every year. How many XXX do the teachers need? They'd much prefer a gift card or donations to the classroom so they don't have to buy out of pocket. The week of buying crap for them is absurd. They give us a list for the week and every day you need to bring something.

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Anonymous wrote:A lot of our PTO money is spent on tech the school doesn’t need. My ES kid doesn’t need tons of time a day on a chrome book in lieu of actual teaching, thanks. And it’s an affluent school, so no one is behind on screen time.

That's your school. In my school, there's no tech purchased from the PTA budget unless teachers opt to buy tech stuff from their PTA fund allotment. But again, if you feel strongly that funds should be spent elsewhere, why don't you say something?

Nah, I just don’t donate to the fund. It’s simpler. All the gunners can run themselves ragged buying stuff we don’t need, but I don’t feel compelled to help. I make sure to tell my child’s actual teacher each year to please let me know if there is anything she needs.

MCPS provides the Chromebook, not PTA. We have Chromebook and our PTA would never consider doing anything like that (as it doesn't serve their needs/wishes). I hate the Chromebook and think they should have one set per every 2-3 classrooms and not each classroom. Its a waste of money and those things are quickly outdated. I'd rather send my own in and have the school provide for those kids whose parents cannot provide. They are not well monitored.