Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The boyfriend and his family sound like assholes. Who tells a mother who to give their baby up to adoption to? She should have threatened an abortion. The mom has every right to choose the adoptive parents and it makes sense she doesn’t want her boyfriend’s elderly parents raising the kid.

Um actually...while the BF has no rights now, he will have parental rights once the baby is born and she either puts his name on the birth certificate or he establishes paternity.

Exactly what she should have aborted the baby.

She shouldn’t put his name on the birth certificate and should let him sue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To add a different perspective, maybe the girlfriend and her parents don't want your friend to adopt because they live in the same town. Putting a child up for adoption is a painful decision for most and if that child lived in the same town that would make things tough for the girlfriend and her parents.

This cannot be for real. Do people who think like this even exist? So, putting a child for adoption is painful? How about that child growing up without mom? Not painful at all, right?

If the child is adopted out to a two-parent family, the child will have a mom and a dad. Presumably adults adequately prepared to raise the child, unlike the teenagers who conceived him/her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To add a different perspective, maybe the girlfriend and her parents don't want your friend to adopt because they live in the same town. Putting a child up for adoption is a painful decision for most and if that child lived in the same town that would make things tough for the girlfriend and her parents.

This cannot be for real. Do people who think like this even exist? So, putting a child for adoption is painful? How about that child growing up without mom? Not painful at all, right?

Anonymous wrote:To add a different perspective, maybe the girlfriend and her parents don't want your friend to adopt because they live in the same town. Putting a child up for adoption is a painful decision for most and if that child lived in the same town that would make things tough for the girlfriend and her parents.

Anonymous wrote:You have to consider why the girl may not feel comfortable having his family adopt the child, which other posters have started to touch on. She clearly wants to do adoption so that the child can be OUT of her life, and therefore so that she can focus on her future - school, jobs, etc. You can understand that point of view, right? She isn't even an adult yet. So you can imagine how having the father's parents adopt the child would complicate things. Sure, in theory, this would still allow her to head off to college with little responsibility in a year, however, I doubt it would be that clean and simple. You say that they would give her the option to be "as involved or uninvolved as she'd like" but do you really think that will work for either the child or the mother? She would give birth a few months into her senior year, so she would still be there with that baby for the ~8 months before she actually does go to college. So is she going to completely ignore the child's existence? Or just pop in and visit when she's over at the boyfriend's house? Or maybe she'll feel inclined to all but move-in with that family and become very bonded with that child. You must wonder if that's a possibility. If you have a child, you must understand the bond of a mother with her child. And then, fast forward to college: will she even want to go away after knowing that child? And again, if she does go away, will she just pop in and out of that kid's life whenever she gets the chance? That can't be good for the child.

To me, it seems impossible for the son and his girlfriend to remain together if his family plans to adopt the kid WITHOUT her completely coming around to parenting that child. How could they just go on as a regular young couple when she knows that the child she gave birth to is at his house?

I am not advocating for any one solution, and I truthfully don't know what the right choice is. But you can imagine how complicated the option of the parents adopting would be for anyone in the situation. It almost seems better for another younger couple to adopt the child so that there are no strings attached, but I know that there are negatives to that as well.

Anonymous wrote:You have to consider why the girl may not feel comfortable having his family adopt the child, which other posters have started to touch on. She clearly wants to do adoption so that the child can be OUT of her life, and therefore so that she can focus on her future - school, jobs, etc. You can understand that point of view, right? She isn't even an adult yet. So you can imagine how having the father's parents adopt the child would complicate things. Sure, in theory, this would still allow her to head off to college with little responsibility in a year, however, I doubt it would be that clean and simple. You say that they would give her the option to be "as involved or uninvolved as she'd like" but do you really think that will work for either the child or the mother? She would give birth a few months into her senior year, so she would still be there with that baby for the ~8 months before she actually does go to college. So is she going to completely ignore the child's existence? Or just pop in and visit when she's over at the boyfriend's house? Or maybe she'll feel inclined to all but move-in with that family and become very bonded with that child. You must wonder if that's a possibility. If you have a child, you must understand the bond of a mother with her child. And then, fast forward to college: will she even want to go away after knowing that child? And again, if she does go away, will she just pop in and out of that kid's life whenever she gets the chance? That can't be good for the child.

To me, it seems impossible for the son and his girlfriend to remain together if his family plans to adopt the kid WITHOUT her completely coming around to parenting that child. How could they just go on as a regular young couple when she knows that the child she gave birth to is at his house?

I am not advocating for any one solution, and I truthfully don't know what the right choice is. But you can imagine how complicated the option of the parents adopting would be for anyone in the situation. It almost seems better for another younger couple to adopt the child so that there are no strings attached, but I know that there are negatives to that as well.

Anonymous wrote:The boyfriend and his family sound like assholes. Who tells a mother who to give their baby up to adoption to? She should have threatened an abortion. The mom has every right to choose the adoptive parents and it makes sense she doesn’t want her boyfriend’s elderly parents raising the kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pro lifer here.

And this is why I tell my boys to only have sex with women who share their views on abortion and pregnancy.

Pro-lifers' views on abortion have a way of miraculously changing when their daughter gets knocked up.

Not the ones I know, including those in my own family.

+1

There’s been a lot of in-family adoptions and informal foster care in both my family and other families in my social circle. Especially with many older couples struggling with infertility, it’s usually easy to find a relative who can take a baby. And there are empty-nesters who have taken in a baby or mom and baby until mom is on her feet. We might have DH’s relative’s tween in a few months.

Anonymous wrote:The boyfriend and his family sound like assholes. Who tells a mother who to give their baby up to adoption to? She should have threatened an abortion. The mom has every right to choose the adoptive parents and it makes sense she doesn’t want her boyfriend’s elderly parents raising the kid.

Anonymous wrote:Pro lifer here.

And this is why I tell my boys to only have sex with women who share their views on abortion and pregnancy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here-
I sent my friend the link to this post so she could read what everyone is saying. Apparently they are having a sit down with the girlfriend and her parents tomorrow morning and my friend is hoping things remain civil and they can come to some sort of agreement.

To answer a few questions-

Yes, they are still together/dating however my friend said this adoption/no adoption issue has caused some friction between her son and his girlfriend, especially since her dad is pushing for the adoption.

Neither family is trashy as a PP posted. Far from it actually. My friend is a dermatologist and her husband is in engineering and they make very good money. They’d have no issue helping their son raise his baby. The girlfriends family is well off too so if she decided to keep the baby, both families would be in good positions to help out if needed.

Oh I doubt that, OP.
You're revealing your troll-dom with this one. No true friend is going to send a link to this discussion to their adult friend whose son is really dealing with all of this drama. What would the email message look like--"Hey Larla...sorry you're in such a pickle. I crowdsourced the situation for you and thought you'd enjoy reading everyone's judgments and advice of total strangers--on top of all the other things you are dealing with. Talk soon!!"
Riiiight!!...

And if you aren't a troll and really did do this, OP...please don't wonder why Larla is not longer returning your calls.

Anonymous wrote:OP here-
I sent my friend the link to this post so she could read what everyone is saying. Apparently they are having a sit down with the girlfriend and her parents tomorrow morning and my friend is hoping things remain civil and they can come to some sort of agreement.

To answer a few questions-

Yes, they are still together/dating however my friend said this adoption/no adoption issue has caused some friction between her son and his girlfriend, especially since her dad is pushing for the adoption.

Neither family is trashy as a PP posted. Far from it actually. My friend is a dermatologist and her husband is in engineering and they make very good money. They’d have no issue helping their son raise his baby. The girlfriends family is well off too so if she decided to keep the baby, both families would be in good positions to help out if needed.