I think there are a couple issues.

1) what's the long term plan to disentangle? have they discussed it? Is it just financial or are there other (emotional) reasons they co-own house?

2) I can completely understand why it would be easy and nice for mom to spend a few days with her daughter in daughter's home--less disruptive, more special time. I would encourage that as much as possible. BUT, why wouldn't dad then stay with his gf those days? why play house again if they are truly divorced? does it confuse daughter? what message does it send to current gf?

3) regardless of decision, bf of two years should have at least discussed it first with gf--not ask permission, but say, hey, I want to run something by you. Ex is coming and she is planning to stay at the house for xyz reasons....they could have discussed whether he sleeps there or not, etc.

OP, I would not say anything during the visit but after have a talk--basically you need to find out why he didn't tell you earlier--did he think it didn't matter, did he anticipate a negative reaction (and this tells you something about how he handles potential conflict), etc. You also need to assess where you both are in terms of the future.

Anonymous wrote:It has the appearance of impropriety. He didn't tell you, you had to leave to make them appear as a family still, you probably wonder where she slept. It would bother me.

Yes that's my entire point. Why did she have to leave?? Was she welcome to come over those nights and stay as well? She was doing that before.

If he had her there as usual and consulted her prior we wouldn't be having this conversation.

It's been 2 years, what did they do in the past regarding visitation? Have you met the ex?

Does he normally stay at your house? I would think the simple solution would have been for him to stay with you as twistedmike suggested.

Staying 3 nights seems a long time after what's supposed to be a pickup. There is likely nothing going on but it sure would make me uncomfortable, except maybe if they've been divorced 10+ years. Unless you are an over-reactor he should have mentioned it ahead of time, or maybe he likes to stir the pot.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I’m not upset that she’s staying at the house. Like I said, it’s her house. They have no intention of selling anytime soon, I understand all that. What bothered me was that he didn’t think to tell his partner of 2 years that his ex-wife would be sleeping in his house for three nights. To me that’s a big deal.

He did tell you, that's how you know. What you are upset about is that he didn't tell you beforehand which may sound to him like you want him asking your permission. I mean, go ahead and bring it up, but be prepared for all outcomes.

+1 OP sounds like a PITA... I am a divorced mom with kids and honestly, if my bf created all this drama about me going to pick up my kid from her father and staying at the house which we co own, I would dump his a$$. I don't need all this drama over NOTHING.

Picking up your kid means just that, picking up and leaving. Why do you need to stay several nights?

DP here. The most likely reason is some sort of logistics issue. Like maybe the child has a concert or performance on Friday night and wants both parents to be there (or both parents want to be there), but then the child's best friend's birthday party is on Sunday. So Mom comes down to pick up the child and attend the performance, but is willing to stay in town for the weekend so that the child can go to her best friend's birthday party. Substitute any event A that the parent is coming for and any event B that the child or remote parent wants to stay for and you have many plausible reasons why the XW wants or needs to come and stay for 3 nights.

In a 22 year relationship. This should be explained.

^^Should be a 2 year . . .

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I’m not upset that she’s staying at the house. Like I said, it’s her house. They have no intention of selling anytime soon, I understand all that. What bothered me was that he didn’t think to tell his partner of 2 years that his ex-wife would be sleeping in his house for three nights. To me that’s a big deal.

He did tell you, that's how you know. What you are upset about is that he didn't tell you beforehand which may sound to him like you want him asking your permission. I mean, go ahead and bring it up, but be prepared for all outcomes.

+1 OP sounds like a PITA... I am a divorced mom with kids and honestly, if my bf created all this drama about me going to pick up my kid from her father and staying at the house which we co own, I would dump his a$$. I don't need all this drama over NOTHING.

Picking up your kid means just that, picking up and leaving. Why do you need to stay several nights?

DP here. The most likely reason is some sort of logistics issue. Like maybe the child has a concert or performance on Friday night and wants both parents to be there (or both parents want to be there), but then the child's best friend's birthday party is on Sunday. So Mom comes down to pick up the child and attend the performance, but is willing to stay in town for the weekend so that the child can go to her best friend's birthday party. Substitute any event A that the parent is coming for and any event B that the child or remote parent wants to stay for and you have many plausible reasons why the XW wants or needs to come and stay for 3 nights.

In a 22 year relationship. This should be explained.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I’m not upset that she’s staying at the house. Like I said, it’s her house. They have no intention of selling anytime soon, I understand all that. What bothered me was that he didn’t think to tell his partner of 2 years that his ex-wife would be sleeping in his house for three nights. To me that’s a big deal.

He did tell you, that's how you know. What you are upset about is that he didn't tell you beforehand which may sound to him like you want him asking your permission. I mean, go ahead and bring it up, but be prepared for all outcomes.

+1 OP sounds like a PITA... I am a divorced mom with kids and honestly, if my bf created all this drama about me going to pick up my kid from her father and staying at the house which we co own, I would dump his a$$. I don't need all this drama over NOTHING.

Picking up your kid means just that, picking up and leaving. Why do you need to stay several nights?

DP here. The most likely reason is some sort of logistics issue. Like maybe the child has a concert or performance on Friday night and wants both parents to be there (or both parents want to be there), but then the child's best friend's birthday party is on Sunday. So Mom comes down to pick up the child and attend the performance, but is willing to stay in town for the weekend so that the child can go to her best friend's birthday party. Substitute any event A that the parent is coming for and any event B that the child or remote parent wants to stay for and you have many plausible reasons why the XW wants or needs to come and stay for 3 nights.

Anonymous wrote:OP, find someone who is single and has their sh%t together.

Did you even read the post? Nothing indicates guy needs to get shit together.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I’m not upset that she’s staying at the house. Like I said, it’s her house. They have no intention of selling anytime soon, I understand all that. What bothered me was that he didn’t think to tell his partner of 2 years that his ex-wife would be sleeping in his house for three nights. To me that’s a big deal.

He did tell you, that's how you know. What you are upset about is that he didn't tell you beforehand which may sound to him like you want him asking your permission. I mean, go ahead and bring it up, but be prepared for all outcomes.

+1 OP sounds like a PITA... I am a divorced mom with kids and honestly, if my bf created all this drama about me going to pick up my kid from her father and staying at the house which we co own, I would dump his a$$. I don't need all this drama over NOTHING.

Picking up your kid means just that, picking up and leaving. Why do you need to stay several nights?

She lived here and owns a house here. Why can't she stay for three days if she wants to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I’m not upset that she’s staying at the house. Like I said, it’s her house. They have no intention of selling anytime soon, I understand all that. What bothered me was that he didn’t think to tell his partner of 2 years that his ex-wife would be sleeping in his house for three nights. To me that’s a big deal.

He did tell you, that's how you know. What you are upset about is that he didn't tell you beforehand which may sound to him like you want him asking your permission. I mean, go ahead and bring it up, but be prepared for all outcomes.

+1 OP sounds like a PITA... I am a divorced mom with kids and honestly, if my bf created all this drama about me going to pick up my kid from her father and staying at the house which we co own, I would dump his a$$. I don't need all this drama over NOTHING.

Picking up your kid means just that, picking up and leaving. Why do you need to stay several nights?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I’m not upset that she’s staying at the house. Like I said, it’s her house. They have no intention of selling anytime soon, I understand all that. What bothered me was that he didn’t think to tell his partner of 2 years that his ex-wife would be sleeping in his house for three nights. To me that’s a big deal.

He did tell you, that's how you know. What you are upset about is that he didn't tell you beforehand which may sound to him like you want him asking your permission. I mean, go ahead and bring it up, but be prepared for all outcomes.

+1 OP sounds like a PITA... I am a divorced mom with kids and honestly, if my bf created all this drama about me going to pick up my kid from her father and staying at the house which we co own, I would dump his a$$. I don't need all this drama over NOTHING.

Has the ex wife stayed at the house before OP? Did your boyfriend tell you when she was staying there in the two yrs you've been together.

Since she also owns the house, it's not unreasonable she stays there and not a hotel when she comes to pick up their child.

OP, find someone who is single and has their sh%t together.

Anonymous wrote:I agree there are probably many valid circumstances that would result in her staying there, but the fact that he didn’t tell you about is worrisome. What else may he “forget “ to mention?

I’m sorry OP.

No man would date a woman who has her ex husband staying with her, whether he owned, co-owned, paid the rent for a sahm, or whatever. He would assume that he is still sleeping with her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is the house still in both their names two years after the divorce?

This. This is bad news.

Stupid. We’d love to put a microscope on your life and see what you have that’s “bad news.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not so much she’s staying with her ex, she’s staying with her kid. I don’t think you’re mature enough for this relationship, OP.

He can stay with the OP during the exam stay.

Why does dad have to walk out on kid?

Look, if they wanted to be together, they would be, but they aren’t.