Woman here. You both are at fault. If the wife is having issues with you, she needs to work on resolving them and not withhold sex. The same with you.

As far as OP being passive/aggressive, this would have been present when they married or presented itself early in the marriage before kids.

Anonymous wrote:You’re doing everything you can do to work extra and not be home through outside social activities, but wonder why she won’t have sex with you?

THIS is actually classic DCUM. you’ve basically exited your marriage emotially, and it sounds physically, but you resent her for exiting it sexually.

This. While there is likely fault on both sides, it's straight-up hypocrisy to complain that your wife won't sleep with you, when you have made it clear that you don't like her, don't like spending time with her, and don't really want to be with her. And insinuating that you might cheat or are cheating on her.

Personally, I disagree that it's not her business who you sleep with. You are married. You made promises to each other. Unless she straight-up said that she will never ever sleep with you again, then your lack of sex life is on both of you, not just her. If I were her, and you made that comment, I'd be filing for divorce. We've had our ups and downs, but I would never threaten my spouse with cheating.

Anonymous wrote:It was a pretty hostile move, OP. Either renegotiate the relationship on terms you both find acceptable or leave it. This isn’t fair to either of you. You want the benefits of divorce and the benefits of marriage at the same time, without discussing it with your wife. If the lack of intimacy is a dealbreaker, then break the deal.

+1

Anonymous wrote:OP you made the mistake of posting on a website full of hysterical, self-absorbed and insecure working women desperate to control their husbands on the same manner that they seek to control every other aspect of their lives. You will not get objective feedback here.

reading between the lines,
- He’s never available to actually have a conversation with her like, you know, couples do. He’s emotionally checked out.
- Pretty clear he’s not around to help her much with the house and kids (go reread his schedule that he posted).
- He fights passive aggressively, which is what this thread is about.
- She’s not turned on by him. He admits to letting himself go despite going to the gym, who knows what other issues he’s not telling us about.

But hey MRA Guy, little is expected from those to whom little is given. So you do you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"the wife"?

You sound really annoying.

OP... I might very well be... but forming an opinion based on one phrase... says more about you than anything really...

op: your "personality" and attitude that is coming through in your responses tells us a lot. It is no great surprise that your wife is not dying to jump your bones. You DO sound really annoying

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Insinuating you are sleeping around is a great way to get her to want to have sex with you. Who doesn't want an STD from their husband?

He is not sleeping with her.

Just play with other married folks while you let your wife cuckold you.

He certainly won’t be sleeping with her now.

Good luck with finding wife #2 among married women willing to sleep with you.

Oh he will be able to replace her in a week. Have no doubts about that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"the wife"?

You sound really annoying.

OP... I might very well be... but forming an opinion based on one phrase... says more about you than anything really...

op: your "personality" and attitude that is coming through in your responses tells us a lot. It is no great surprise that your wife is not dying to jump your bones. You DO sound really annoying

Anonymous wrote:OP, sorry to say but if you wanted to mend your marriage, insinuating you might be cheating will ensure your wife will never touch you again. Based on that comment, I think you sound hostile to each other and you may as well figure out a way to divorce.

Yep, this

You’re doing everything you can do to work extra and not be home through outside social activities, but wonder why she won’t have sex with you?

THIS is actually classic DCUM. you’ve basically exited your marriage emotially, and it sounds physically, but you resent her for exiting it sexually.

Anonymous wrote:Have you discussed the possibility of an open marriage?

Was wondering when you’d show up. It’s obvious that sex isn’t the only problem in this relationship.

OP, I wad in a similar situation as you although our sex life wasn't quite as dead. I basically gave up on my wife as a sex partner. I travel for work, and she once asked me if I have or would cheat and my response was if I did I wouldn't tell her. I also started flirting with other women in front of her, basically directed my sexual attention elsewhere.

Thing is, it seemed to make her want to have sex with me again. I don't claim to understand the female mind, but perhaps when she realized I had other options and was open to them it made her see me as attractive again. Sort of how they say men are seen as more attractive when surrounded by attractive women.

So ignore the women chiming in here telling you this is a bad idea. Your marriage is practically over anyway, you have nothing to lose and if you have as much going for you as you say you do, she knows there is a high likelihood you will cheat.

Report back in a year, I bet things have improved. We ate now back at it like a noal married couple and happy again

OP you made the mistake of posting on a website full of hysterical, self-absorbed and insecure working women desperate to control their husbands on the same manner that they seek to control every other aspect of their lives. You will not get objective feedback here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man comes on forum to complain about wife not having sex with him then admits that sex is not important to him.

DCUM classic.

OP again... Sex is actually very important to me... but it's not the only consideration in my life.

You have gone a year without it. Apologize to her and accept that you will not have sex again. It's OK.

OP here... It's also been a year since I took a vacation. Heck... it's been almost three since I bought a new car...

Waiting three years betwee new cars is a bad thing? I can see the source of your money concerns.

But seriously, your marriage has issues and your needs aren’t anywhere close to being met. She may have her own unmet needs you’re not mentioning. (Personal hygiene? Help with the kids/cooking/house?) The way to address these is to talk about them directly, not with passive aggressive snark that implies you might or might not be having an affair, and then not clarifying. Of course you can go right from snark to divorce, and many do. But with kids and budget issues (she’s the high earner?) you should try to address your issues directly before deciding on divorce.

PS. So no, you don’t have DCUM’s permission to escalate your fights with a passive-aggressive insinuation that you *might* be having an affair. Whether you’re headed for reconciliation or divorce, do it for the right reasons, not the wrong ones.

I’d say the same thing to a woman.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fix you "non-related issues" and stop avoiding your kids.

If you said, I spend more time out of the house taking the kids places then I would think, great. But you are just neglecting your kids.

I am sorry you have "non-related" mental healthy issues, please get those resolved and stop neglecting the kids.

Your wife has no business knowing you sex life if she is not a part of it but this has nothing to do with sex, you just wanted to start a fight.

You start fights and neglect spending time with the kids... those are you issues, not how much sex you are having.

Fix the non-related issues before you pull another woman into your mess of a way of dealing with people and issues.

OP here... there's enough time when the kids are at school, or asleep, or doing their own thing... to be out doing my own thing without neglecting the kids being an issue...

You go out after the kids are asleep, then are up in the next morning when they wake?

OP here... I know it's hard for you to imagine... but they are in elementary school, and in bed by 9 PM. I can still make it to the gym, workout and back... and be up by 7 AM...

So you are going to the gym 3 times a week, seeing a shrink at least once a week for "unrelated issues" and going out on social outing and a fully engaged parent and working full time.

Your going to the gym from 9:30-10:30 after a full day of work.

Hmm, really?

Is your unrelated issue lying and being delusional.

See if you moved out, you would actually have to take care of your kids when you had them. Isn't that the real issue you don't want to move out. Your wife takes care of the kids and you float in an out as you please.

Move out and see what it is like to really take care of kids.

OP, sorry to say but if you wanted to mend your marriage, insinuating you might be cheating will ensure your wife will never touch you again. Based on that comment, I think you sound hostile to each other and you may as well figure out a way to divorce.