Anonymous wrote:Saying you wish they divorced sooner is just picking the Devil you don't know over the Devil you did know.
You have no idea how your childhood would have been like with divorced parents. You only know the life you had. And now you're older projecting backwards.

Several people have posted how life improved after their parents’ divorce. Maybe the PP is looking at more than one viewpoint.

I don't know. My daughter just told me she wouldn't survive if we divorced. Probably because we look like we have our shit together.

Anonymous wrote:My parents had a toxic relationship (emotionally) from about the time I was 6 onward. At first I believed my mother was the victim, then my father cheated on my mother (and I really believed it), but at 21 I found out why - my mother was crazy. They were miserable the whole 22 years they were married and I wished they had divorced sooner.
Honestly my life would have been so much better if both of them had been happier sooner.

Crazy how? Like schizophrenic talking to herself unable to function crazy? And how did you find out? If your dad told you, why did you think this explanation was credible rather than just one divorced spouse blackening the name of the other?

Saying you wish they divorced sooner is just picking the Devil you don't know over the Devil you did know.
You have no idea how your childhood would have been like with divorced parents. You only know the life you had. And now you're older projecting backwards.

My parents had a toxic relationship (emotionally) from about the time I was 6 onward. At first I believed my mother was the victim, then my father cheated on my mother (and I really believed it), but at 21 I found out why - my mother was crazy. They were miserable the whole 22 years they were married and I wished they had divorced sooner.
Honestly my life would have been so much better if both of them had been happier sooner.

Anonymous wrote:If you have a chance get a look to this book https://www.amazon.com/Primal-Loss-Now-Adult-Children-Divorce/dp/0997989319
In many cases divorce profoundly affects kids but it is still taboo to talk about it.

The solution isn’t to not get divorced. The solution is therapy for the kids.

If you have a chance get a look to this book https://www.amazon.com/Primal-Loss-Now-Adult-Children-Divorce/dp/0997989319
In many cases divorce profoundly affects kids but it is still taboo to talk about it.

My wife grew up in a dysfunctional household with warring parents. It broke her, and she never fully recovered.

Anonymous wrote:I have been in a cold affectionless marriage for over 25 years. The last time that I brought up divorce, I was asked to wait until my DD graduated from HS. That is another 5 years. My oldest has graduated. My friends that have gotten divorced keep telling me that kids are more resilient than we give them credit. I want to divorce my DW not my kids. If I separated from my DW... I would still live close to them and see them as much as possible..

Is having divorced parents a negative on Middle School/High School
Girls?

I’m an adult who wished my parents had divorced; my mom was somewhat like how you describe your wife with a drinking problem added in her later years. I hated being in a house with so much tension, and I hated feeling like I was the only reason they were still together. It feels like an unfair burden to be a kid or teenager and feel responsible for someone else’s happiness.
I wanted to worry about my own life as a teen only and your kids probably are the same- it’s part of being young, you’re are somewhat self involved naturally.
I think if you can leave and somehow make sure your wife’s depression doesn’t become a burden on your kids you should. Stay involved with them , be a decent person to the ex (she’ll always be your kids family, so always keep that in the back of your mind), and be happy and they’ll have a solid home with you at least even if it’s only 50% of the time.

And I think you should go to a therapist - you’ve got a lot going on and there’s no downside to having a neutral perso. To talk things over with