Anonymous
Post 07/05/2018 23:51     Subject: Spinoff - Kids invited to everything but the reception
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sigh. I've never understood people who had weddings without inviting kids. In your shoes, I would ask my husband to talk to his brother again and explain that the girls are older than their cousins and that it's unfair to ask them to behave and be decorative at all the events but not invite them to the party.

And then you decide what you want to do.


I've been to plenty of kid-free weddings. Usually they have some kids in them and then they're not present at the reception. Usually these are late evening weddings where the reception starts around little kid bedtime.

The ones I've been to that started late in the evening or went late into the evening where kids were allowed always had multiple kids having meltdowns, especially the ones who were in the wedding. Those kids had often been up since the crack of dawn and had spent the day on their best behavior, smiling when told, being positioned and re-positioned, and paraded around like a little decoration or something. I get why they had the meltdowns, but at the same time, they were always disruptive.

I can see why a couple self-paying would want their reception to be kid-free and less of a hassle.


I don't think you know many kids based off your post.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2018 23:49     Subject: Spinoff - Kids invited to everything but the reception
Anonymous wrote:OMG, you guys are crazy! Just sneak the kids down??

If it was an invitation to a baby shower you wouldn't advocate sneaking them in or just bringing them in regardless of the host's wishes.

If it was a bday party you would NOT advocate for a mom to sneak a random sibling into the mix during drop off.

This is their wedding day and they've chosen NO kids for the reception. Respect their wishes and either show up and comply or don't go. Seriously.

If you really feel THAT strongly, sneak some cake OUT and up to the room for them. They are only looking forward to the IDEA of the wedding as a whole, not the actual act. Probably because it's been hyped up. Kids hate weddings. Do the wedding part and then treat the reception like a date night!


That is so true.

The bride and groom are only looking at the wedding as an event and production to post nice pictures online and not the actual act of marriage and meaning behind the ceremony.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2018 23:40     Subject: Spinoff - Kids invited to everything but the reception
I agree that the kids in the wedding should be allowed at part of the reception. However if that’s not what the bride and groom want (and you have a sitter anyway) I also don’t see why you can’t simply tell the children that the reception is an adult part of the wedding festivities (there seems to be plenty of other times at a resort where they will see the family) What they are excited about doesn’t get to dictate what happens. They’ll survive the disappointment, I promise!

Anonymous
Post 07/05/2018 23:14     Subject: Re:Spinoff - Kids invited to everything but the reception
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do they plan on doing child innapropriate things at this reception? Ie music filled with curse words, overly drunk?

Probably. They also may not feel like having a kid friendly menu, censoring off color jokes, or indulging children who wish to insert themselves into adult conversations.


The oldest is 10, right? I have a child that age. You could seriously take him to the Met Gala. He would be horrified to eat chicken fingers at a proper dinner. It's not anything like bringing a 3 yo.

You seriously think so, but nobody wants to indulge your precocious little snowflake pretending to be an adult. Also, OP wants the 3yr old to attend everything. BIL knows that an hour really means 'until the parents are done having fun' and I expect he knows the kids in question.


She specifically said it was the older kids, not the 3 year old, and that she had a sitter so they could go back after a little bit. A 10 year-od is pretty grown up and self-aware. To have a 10 yo be your flower girl is a little unusual to begin with, but then to tell her she has to go back to the room afterward is a little insulting. If they didn't want kids at their wedding, they should have not asked kids to participate in their wedding ceremony! I think it's likely that they are childless and clueless and aren't thinking of the kids as real people who have feelings. They're just using them as cute ceremony props.

Did she walk it back later? The 1st post specifically mentioned the 3yr old "not staying too long". So, yes, she was intending to bring the 3yr old to the reception.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2018 23:13     Subject: Spinoff - Kids invited to everything but the reception
I love adults only weddings but no nieces and nephews seems extreme. Families are so small these days that it's not like there'd be a dozen nieces and nephews running around.

I'm sure you'd need a sitter for the three year old past nine pm anyways.

As a girl though the ceremony was the fun part for me. I loved seeing the bride and the wedding.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2018 23:07     Subject: Spinoff - Kids invited to everything but the reception
Anonymous wrote:OMG, you guys are crazy! Just sneak the kids down??

If it was an invitation to a baby shower you wouldn't advocate sneaking them in or just bringing them in regardless of the host's wishes.

If it was a bday party you would NOT advocate for a mom to sneak a random sibling into the mix during drop off.

This is their wedding day and they've chosen NO kids for the reception. Respect their wishes and either show up and comply or don't go. Seriously.

If you really feel THAT strongly, sneak some cake OUT and up to the room for them. They are only looking forward to the IDEA of the wedding as a whole, not the actual act. Probably because it's been hyped up. Kids hate weddings. Do the wedding part and then treat the reception like a date night!


Sneaking cake out is fine too. I am picturing a party at a resort where it's pretty porous: lots of doors and open to the garden and surroundings. In that kind of situation it's not really so crazy to think you could have the daughter get a peek without spoiling anything. I'm not advocating crashing dinner.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2018 23:05     Subject: Re:Spinoff - Kids invited to everything but the reception
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do they plan on doing child innapropriate things at this reception? Ie music filled with curse words, overly drunk?

Probably. They also may not feel like having a kid friendly menu, censoring off color jokes, or indulging children who wish to insert themselves into adult conversations.


The oldest is 10, right? I have a child that age. You could seriously take him to the Met Gala. He would be horrified to eat chicken fingers at a proper dinner. It's not anything like bringing a 3 yo.

You seriously think so, but nobody wants to indulge your precocious little snowflake pretending to be an adult. Also, OP wants the 3yr old to attend everything. BIL knows that an hour really means 'until the parents are done having fun' and I expect he knows the kids in question.


She specifically said it was the older kids, not the 3 year old, and that she had a sitter so they could go back after a little bit. A 10 year-od is pretty grown up and self-aware. To have a 10 yo be your flower girl is a little unusual to begin with, but then to tell her she has to go back to the room afterward is a little insulting. If they didn't want kids at their wedding, they should have not asked kids to participate in their wedding ceremony! I think it's likely that they are childless and clueless and aren't thinking of the kids as real people who have feelings. They're just using them as cute ceremony props.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2018 22:25     Subject: Spinoff - Kids invited to everything but the reception
Anonymous wrote:Sigh. I've never understood people who had weddings without inviting kids. In your shoes, I would ask my husband to talk to his brother again and explain that the girls are older than their cousins and that it's unfair to ask them to behave and be decorative at all the events but not invite them to the party.

And then you decide what you want to do.


I've been to plenty of kid-free weddings. Usually they have some kids in them and then they're not present at the reception. Usually these are late evening weddings where the reception starts around little kid bedtime.

The ones I've been to that started late in the evening or went late into the evening where kids were allowed always had multiple kids having meltdowns, especially the ones who were in the wedding. Those kids had often been up since the crack of dawn and had spent the day on their best behavior, smiling when told, being positioned and re-positioned, and paraded around like a little decoration or something. I get why they had the meltdowns, but at the same time, they were always disruptive.

I can see why a couple self-paying would want their reception to be kid-free and less of a hassle.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2018 22:19     Subject: Re:Spinoff - Kids invited to everything but the reception
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do they plan on doing child innapropriate things at this reception? Ie music filled with curse words, overly drunk?

Probably. They also may not feel like having a kid friendly menu, censoring off color jokes, or indulging children who wish to insert themselves into adult conversations.


The oldest is 10, right? I have a child that age. You could seriously take him to the Met Gala. He would be horrified to eat chicken fingers at a proper dinner. It's not anything like bringing a 3 yo.

You seriously think so, but nobody wants to indulge your precocious little snowflake pretending to be an adult. Also, OP wants the 3yr old to attend everything. BIL knows that an hour really means 'until the parents are done having fun' and I expect he knows the kids in question.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2018 22:17     Subject: Spinoff - Kids invited to everything but the reception
OMG, you guys are crazy! Just sneak the kids down??

If it was an invitation to a baby shower you wouldn't advocate sneaking them in or just bringing them in regardless of the host's wishes.

If it was a bday party you would NOT advocate for a mom to sneak a random sibling into the mix during drop off.

This is their wedding day and they've chosen NO kids for the reception. Respect their wishes and either show up and comply or don't go. Seriously.

If you really feel THAT strongly, sneak some cake OUT and up to the room for them. They are only looking forward to the IDEA of the wedding as a whole, not the actual act. Probably because it's been hyped up. Kids hate weddings. Do the wedding part and then treat the reception like a date night!
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2018 21:57     Subject: Re:Spinoff - Kids invited to everything but the reception
I would go to the wedding with the kids and the reception with my spouse but would personally opt out of everything else. It's the kids vacation too. Soninwould use them as an excuse to did other amazing non wedding focused things. Bridezullas don't deserve reward.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2018 21:54     Subject: Spinoff - Kids invited to everything but the reception
Anonymous wrote:I do think the bride and groom can set a no kids rule and everyone else should accept that and not complain about it. BUT I don’t think Brides and Grooms can have it both ways. You don’t invite kids to be part of the ceremony so that you have your perfect set of attendants and cute pics - and then exclude them from the reception. If the kids are part of the wedding party they should be invited to the reception.


I would be super annoyed about this too. I wouldn’t want to spend all that time and money and then have to manage my kids disappointment over something like that. And the reception is the easiest part to have kids at - it’s loud, kids can eat and there is dancing. We were invited to a wedding with our kids (groom insisted that the kids attend and talked to them about all the fun and dancing they would do) but then didn’t even provide seats for them at the reception. I think people without kids can be really really clueless.

You are kind of screwed. I might consider sending DH solo or talking to the girls in advance and making a fun plan for them like a special movie and order room service desserts or something.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2018 21:54     Subject: Re:Spinoff - Kids invited to everything but the reception
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do they plan on doing child innapropriate things at this reception? Ie music filled with curse words, overly drunk?

Probably. They also may not feel like having a kid friendly menu, censoring off color jokes, or indulging children who wish to insert themselves into adult conversations.


The oldest is 10, right? I have a child that age. You could seriously take him to the Met Gala. He would be horrified to eat chicken fingers at a proper dinner. It's not anything like bringing a 3 yo.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2018 21:51     Subject: Re:Spinoff - Kids invited to everything but the reception
Anonymous wrote:I would just bring my kids down at some point when the bride and groom are too tied up with other guests to notice. Let them dance and have a piece of cake and bring them back upstairs. Its bull to exclude members of the wedding party.

At my wedding, my mother-in-law ditched the agreed upon color scheme for her dress so she would stand out from my mother and DH's step mother.
Mt SIL took her kids who were my flower girl and ring bearer and left for the reception because she didn't feel like 4 and 6 year olds were appropriate wedding guests. She self selected. They were invited. Other kids were there including BIL's 2 year old.
People do what they want and apologize later, or not. And, life goes on.


To be honest I think this is what I'd do. Let them come have a look around and some cake. It's a resort, there will be guests flowing in and out.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2018 21:49     Subject: Re:Spinoff - Kids invited to everything but the reception
Anonymous wrote:Do they plan on doing child innapropriate things at this reception? Ie music filled with curse words, overly drunk?

Probably. They also may not feel like having a kid friendly menu, censoring off color jokes, or indulging children who wish to insert themselves into adult conversations.