Anonymous wrote:this thread makes me so sad. I just LOVE having guests. Maybe we could paint our doors red, green and yellow depending on how friendly we are?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with hating to have people over is that you miss out on a lot of fun invitations. My husband's best friend at work has been to our house about three times with his wife. He admitted to my husband that his wife won't entertain because she feels her house is too small. So guess what? We don't invite them to our house anymore, haven't for years. We see them at other people's homes and occasions out in public, but what a shame for them that they're not willing to entertain.

Do you keep a little spreadsheet with tally marks? Like every time you are invited to someone's house you mark a check? and then when they come to your house, you mark a check and if the checks are not even then they are off the list? You sound like a ton of fun. Do you work? Just curious. You seem to have a lot of time on your hands for tracking purposes.

I do work, full time. It's not hard at all to "keep track" when the other party has never had you over. Are you the kind whose kids get invited to others' houses continually and you don't bother to keep track of when it's your turn to host?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with hating to have people over is that you miss out on a lot of fun invitations. My husband's best friend at work has been to our house about three times with his wife. He admitted to my husband that his wife won't entertain because she feels her house is too small. So guess what? We don't invite them to our house anymore, haven't for years. We see them at other people's homes and occasions out in public, but what a shame for them that they're not willing to entertain.

Do you keep a little spreadsheet with tally marks? Like every time you are invited to someone's house you mark a check? and then when they come to your house, you mark a check and if the checks are not even then they are off the list? You sound like a ton of fun. Do you work? Just curious. You seem to have a lot of time on your hands for tracking purposes.

Anonymous wrote:The problem with hating to have people over is that you miss out on a lot of fun invitations. My husband's best friend at work has been to our house about three times with his wife. He admitted to my husband that his wife won't entertain because she feels her house is too small. So guess what? We don't invite them to our house anymore, haven't for years. We see them at other people's homes and occasions out in public, but what a shame for them that they're not willing to entertain.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to relax. You need to tell yourself that you really wouldn't want to have friends who judge you for a crappy paint job or a little mess. Put yourself in a frame of mind that the most important thing is to make them feel welcome. That should include letting them see a bit of failure and humanity. Let them help you make the crudites. My best dinner parties have involved someone helping me out of a bind and taking over a chicken or gravy or something. People love to feel needed.

Personally, I hate going to perfect houses. I am suspicious of anyone whose house is immaculate and where all the furniture looks like it came out of a showroom.

+1

Nothing worse than walking into a Pottery Barn catalogue. Maybe I just do not favor that kind of taste; or maybe I ma offended that someone was not creative enough to manage decorating on their own, to show they are their own person (and not such a follower). It makes my skin crawl to feel like I am in a mall furniture catalogue, if the setting is too contrived and not comfortable and personal.

OP, if you serve food on clean plates, and you have dusted an vacuumed, it says you made an effort, and you want people to be there. Settle down a bit!

Anonymous wrote:Today, I finally admitted to myself that I HATE having people over to my home. I am a very social person and love getting together with friends, but I become so anxious when anyone visits - is my house clean enough? What will we eat? How does the lawn look? Will people notice the crappy paint job in the living room? Should we eat outside or inside? Where should I put the crudites? Etc. etc. I find myself secretly hoping that people will cancel on us after we invite them over. I dread the visits for days beforehand. Anyone else like this? How do you deal? I am an anxious person by nature and I care too much what people think about me, I need to get over it! Our friends have had to invite themselves over in order to meet our now-several-months-old baby.

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind having people over but I used to kill myself cleaning and cooking (and I am pretty clean to begin with.) Once I had kids, I finally relaxed. I went from crazy cleaning for guests to just "tidy up." My DH is great and he always scrubs down the powder room before company but other than that we have learned to relax. I also try to make a dinner that is done early to pick-up kitchen and run dishwasher - like a baked enchilada dish, salad, etc. In the summer, make the salads early and then grill something. That helps a lot too. The only reason I hated/hate having people over is all the kids. Someone won't eat, or dragging food around, crying, etc. But now that everyone is older, we can feed them first and they will do the WII or go outside. The younger years with all the kids around can make entertaining hard. I am a homebody so love to be at home; it is not large but very, warm and inviting and people always tell us they love coming to our house because it feels so warm. I don't have a lot of talents so that makes me feel good. The person who said to go out and at home is dull....we never show photo albums. We talk with our friends. I find it is very hard to do that in a restaurant because it is so loud.

Anonymous wrote:I've been reading all of your comments above and agree with all. However my problem with having guests over is a bit different. I find myself spending a couple of hours on my house giving it a good clean before they are due over. You know, cleaned bathrooms, freshly smelling house, fluffed up cushions and a fridge full if goodies. I like to make sure my guests are looked after and welcomed into a clean home. My problem though is this.. I spend all my time doing the above only for certain guests to end up trashing the house by the time they leave. Doors wide open and not closed behind them, toilets not flushed after being used, toys everywhere, sweet rappers, stained walls (spilt wine) on my newly painted walls and honestly the feeling that there is no respect for my house there and how hard I've worked to make it a nice house to live in. I know I shouldn't care about the mess made but I can't help it. I hate it. I can't relax and enjoy my time because I just see my house being trashed in front of me and at the time I don't want to say anything because I want guests to feel happy and welcomed. But OMG I just cannot take it anymore! How can I try to relax a little more? I can see this starting to effect my social life and the last thing Id want is for no one to want to come over but I'd just like a little respect.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to relax. You need to tell yourself that you really wouldn't want to have friends who judge you for a crappy paint job or a little mess. Put yourself in a frame of mind that the most important thing is to make them feel welcome. That should include letting them see a bit of failure and humanity. Let them help you make the crudites. My best dinner parties have involved someone helping me out of a bind and taking over a chicken or gravy or something. People love to feel needed.

Personally, I hate going to perfect houses. I am suspicious of anyone whose house is immaculate and where all the furniture looks like it came out of a showroom.

+1

Nothing worse than walking into a Pottery Barn catalogue. Maybe I just do not favor that kind of taste; or maybe I ma offended that someone was not creative enough to manage decorating on their own, to show they are their own person (and not such a follower). It makes my skin crawl to feel like I am in a mall furniture catalogue, if the setting is too contrived and not comfortable and personal.

OP, if you serve food on clean plates, and you have dusted an vacuumed, it says you made an effort, and you want people to be there. Settle down a bit!



Im offended pp that you are judging peoples homes and giving advice to an OP from FIVE years ago.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to relax. You need to tell yourself that you really wouldn't want to have friends who judge you for a crappy paint job or a little mess. Put yourself in a frame of mind that the most important thing is to make them feel welcome. That should include letting them see a bit of failure and humanity. Let them help you make the crudites. My best dinner parties have involved someone helping me out of a bind and taking over a chicken or gravy or something. People love to feel needed.

Personally, I hate going to perfect houses. I am suspicious of anyone whose house is immaculate and where all the furniture looks like it came out of a showroom.