Anonymous
Post 06/24/2018 11:08     Subject: Would you be upset if your kid was served mocktails & got a makeover at a party?
I think it sounds fun, and I don’t like makeup or underage drinking. What’s important is how you frame it all for your daughter. I agree with the PP who said makeup is for special occasions and with the PP who noted that mocktails can be a substitute for alcohol when DD is older.
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2018 10:44     Subject: Would you be upset if your kid was served mocktails & got a makeover at a party?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Okay okay if DCUM says I’m making too big a deal then I must be.

DD is a dancer so she understands makeup is for special ocassions like recitals and competitions. She’s really been pushing to wear more when she’s 13 like her friends but I’ve been holding firm on only a bit of concealer for a bad blemish and some mascara.

The hair dye was shocking and I’m not a fan of unnatural colors. She knows this too because she and her brothers wanted to dye their hair for the Capitals parade and I vetoed that.

I have to plan a 13th bday for the end of August and the ideas DD is throwing out already after this party are just crazy. Thirteenth bdays weren’t a big thing when I was growing up, just sweet 16. Now it’s a big bash for 13, 16, and 18! Or at least it seems to be for the girls. Thank goodness the 2 coming up after her are boys.


OP, this is way, way too controlling. Temporary hair dye? This scenario is exactly the kind of thing to ease up on, because it does not matter that young kids dye their hair crazy colors. Fighting with your kids over their wishes to make temporary changes to their physical appearance (in celebration of a once in a lifetime thing, no less) sends the message that you don't trust them to learn to make their own decisions.

And also: lose the ridiculous girl-boy nonsense. Thank goodness the next two are boys? Because boys never want to dye their hair or do things you may find inappropriate? But it's okay to wear makeup for dance competitions, i.e., in a highly stereotypically feminized context?

Focus on what matters to kids: being a place of comfort and stability whom they can trust to talk to, not one who will judge them over silly things like bright hair dye and make up. What are you going to do if one of your sons wants to experiment with make up? Or your daughter decides to dress butch? These kids are human beings, not dolls or stereotypes.


As the child of a similar mother, this stood out to me too. OP, get treatment for your anxiety before you screw up your relationship with your daughter. There’s a reason I live several states away from my mom now
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2018 10:30     Subject: Would you be upset if your kid was served mocktails & got a makeover at a party?
No, good grief. This is so not a big deal and sounds like a fun party!
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2018 09:55     Subject: Re:Would you be upset if your kid was served mocktails & got a makeover at a party?
I grew up occasionally drinking virgin pina coladas and daiquiris from cocktail glasses. These are certainly not my drink of choice now (more of a red wine person), so I don't think they influenced my drinking habits. I'm surprised that the glass choice is the problem for some posters. One could argue that the same drink from a red solo cup could be training a future binge-drinker.
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2018 09:53     Subject: Would you be upset if your kid was served mocktails & got a makeover at a party?
I wouldn’t have done this without being really explicit with the guests’ parents in advance.
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2018 09:52     Subject: Re:Would you be upset if your kid was served mocktails & got a makeover at a party?
Nothing wrong with social norms.
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2018 09:50     Subject: Re:Would you be upset if your kid was served mocktails & got a makeover at a party?
Anonymous wrote:OP, you are making a lot of innocuous things, such as pink hair, a forbidden fruit. I am sure you’ve heard how it usually ends up (teens overcompensate in college). Thread lightly.



Maybe also tread lightly.

This is not a hill to die on at all.
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2018 09:45     Subject: Would you be upset if your kid was served mocktails & got a makeover at a party?

My only problem would have been the make-up, since my child could have been allergic, especially if she slept in it. Make-up, polish and dye may contain toxic chemicals to vaying degrees, especially in this country where the FDA has little oversight for that category of products, contrary to the EU, which regulates all this carefully.

I don’t care about the fake drinking - my kids know they won’t be able to indulge in the real thing. We’re missing an enzyme to process alcohol in the family, like many Asians.

Basically, not my idea of a fun time, but not the end of the world.
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2018 09:37     Subject: Re:Would you be upset if your kid was served mocktails & got a makeover at a party?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, you are making a lot of innocuous things, such as pink hair, a forbidden fruit. I am sure you’ve heard how it usually ends up (teens overcompensate in college). Thread lightly.


This.


+1. My mother would have freaked out over this. I don't recommend doing so.
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2018 09:37     Subject: Would you be upset if your kid was served mocktails & got a makeover at a party?
Anonymous wrote:Make up and temporary hair dye? No biggie.

Mocktails at a 13 year old's party? Were they mixed in shakers and served in cocktail glasses? That would definitely bother me. Frozen virgin pina coladas or strawberry daiquiris served in a plastic cup with a fun straw similar to a starbucks frappachino or a smoothie at a restaurant? Not a big deal.

I am generally conservative but am fine with adult drinking, host parties with alcohol and am not anti fun drinks for kids.


This.
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2018 09:33     Subject: Re:Would you be upset if your kid was served mocktails & got a makeover at a party?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My 8 year old niece has gone to birthday parties AT a kiddie hair salon and come home with temporary hair color spray, etc. I think this happens at girl birthday parties nowadays although as the mom to boys only it does sound nuts to me .

The mocktail part has been interesting for me to read the responses. Posters seem to parse this at different points. Some like OP don’t like it at all. Others think it is okay so long as it is in solo cups instead of margarita glasses. Another thinks coconut flavor (pina colada) is okay but not lime (margarita). I think a lot of this is distinction without a difference. I’m not sure how I’d feel in OP’s shoes but I suspect so long as there was no alcohol in anything then I wouldn’t see it as different than drinking a shirley temple, which my kids love to do when we go out to nicer restaurants.


I posted about the pina coladas vs margaritas vs martini glasses.

To me, pina coladas means coconut and pineapple juice, where margaritas mean tequila with lime juice. Pina colada make me think of the beach flavor, while margaritas make me think of alcohol first, lime second.

As far as the glasses and presentation, some glasses (like martini glasses) are strictly for adult alcoholic beverges, while something like a hurricane glass might be used to serve a milkshake. Restaurants almost always serve virgin drinks in a standard tumbler or hurricane.

I think at least for me those are subtle things that really change the message from innocent fun to, well, Regina's mom.


Who is Regina?


Regina's Mom:

Anonymous
Post 06/24/2018 09:32     Subject: Would you be upset if your kid was served mocktails & got a makeover at a party?
Getting uptight about mocktails is fairly disordered thinking. It's important for kids to learn that alcohol is not a requirement for a "fun" drink. As an adult, it's important to know that you can order a mocktail if you don't drink or would like to moderate your drinking but continue to socialize with people who are drinking.
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2018 09:32     Subject: Would you be upset if your kid was served mocktails & got a makeover at a party?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Mom of a 16 year old and a 12.5 year old dd here:

I’m with you, OP. No way I’d be on board with the mocktails. And just because other parents are okay with it does not make you uptight or wrong.

You do your parenting. Let them do theirs.


So what does OP do? Call the host parents and tell them where they were wrong? Forbid DD from going over to that friend's house? Advise DD next time "call me immediately if anything like this is going down?"

Honestly wondering for the parents who may be upset about something like this.



PP you quoted here: First, let me clarify. I wouldn’t be “upset.” Just not on board. I don’t share the same approach to what a fun drink at a party for teens might look like. I don’t think the host parent had bad intentions or is irresponsible. We just have a different take. In terms of what i would do in response, it would depend on the relationship. If this was a one time event where my kid was invited, but not necessarily “tight” with the host kid outside of school, I’d let it go. If it were a kid that dd visited in her home, I would probably steer the visits to occur at our home. Honestly, I’m not sure and a lot would really depend on what the relationship between my kid and the host kid was. The question in the original post was whether OP was alone in being upset. Again, I’m not on board either with the mocktails. For me it’s a data point regarding my kid’s relationship with the host family.
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2018 09:23     Subject: Would you be upset if your kid was served mocktails & got a makeover at a party?
How is a "makeover" any different from dressing up for Halloween?

I would be fine with the party as well as the mocktails -- it's all in fun!
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2018 09:20     Subject: Would you be upset if your kid was served mocktails & got a makeover at a party?
Anonymous wrote:Oh my. This party sounds not only age-appropriate, but also really fun. OP... lighten up. Please.


+1.