Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be livid if my boyfriend spent that much on a ring. Under 1,000, no diamond. I’d rather we invested in our life than a hand decoration.

Sounds like his future fiancée feels differently, and that’s fine. She hasn’t demanded a 30k ring, only expressed the cut she prefers, and OP is making assumptions. OP I think you should talk to her about it directly.

+1. She may very well not realize how much a large diamond in that cut costs. And enough with the “my ring was only x” “any decent woman wouldn’t care” bs. I agree they shouldn’t spend more then they can afford, but other than that it’s their call. I’m sure you’ll all decide I’m a selfish materialistic hag, but I have a ring that was $30k. My DH could afford it, and we discussed it and I said I’d like (didn’t demand) a really nice ring because I knew I’d wear it every day (I do), and it was the one piece of nice jewelry I’d like. Everything else in life we are frugal despite having enough $, except our kids educations. I wear inexpensive clothes, we have a practical car, I buy most things on sale, etc. but I have a really nice ring. Sue me.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. She rarely wears jewelry, but I know she would like a nice ring. She is a simple Midwest woman. She isn’t into vintage jewelry. The only thing she wears regularly is a necklace with her gemstone.

Nice is in the appearance, it doesn't have to be all about how much you paid. That's just bragging rights for a certain kind of person.

Midwest doesn't have to equal simple. My dad's family is from the Detroit area. My similar-age Detroit cousins are far less sophisticated than the East Coast group in terms of food tastes and travel, but they are super materialistic when it comes to houses, boats, rings, etc. Different priorities. Nice folks but "simple Midwesterners" they are not -- though I'm sure they would describe themselves that way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two months salary is standard. Unless you think she is clueless as to how much it costs and would rather you spend less, it's not unreasonable for you to spend 30k. Sorry.

Says DeBeers.

2 months salary is ridiculous. I would never spend that on any single purchase other than a house or college. If you're a high earner it's an absurd amount of money, and if you're a low earner presumably you don't have money to waste on fripperies.

DH and I paid for our own wedding to the tune of $25k, and while it was lovely and made our families happy, if I could do it over, I would have had something extremely simple and cheap and poured the rest into the down payment on the house. We bought our house around the same time we got married (also were paying off law school loans x 2), and we were limited in what we could afford because so much money was going toward other things. Now, 8 years later and with 2 kids and a small, old house, we wish we had spent another $50-100k up front and gotten a much better house.

Don't waste your money, OP. $5k ring max, and put the rest toward down payment, loans, future kids' day care and tuition, or an emergency fund.

Anonymous wrote:I would be livid if my boyfriend spent that much on a ring. Under 1,000, no diamond. I’d rather we invested in our life than a hand decoration.

Sounds like his future fiancée feels differently, and that’s fine. She hasn’t demanded a 30k ring, only expressed the cut she prefers, and OP is making assumptions. OP I think you should talk to her about it directly.

Anonymous wrote:Two months salary is standard. Unless you think she is clueless as to how much it costs and would rather you spend less, it's not unreasonable for you to spend 30k. Sorry.

Says DeBeers.

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend and I have been discussing getting engaged. Her and her best friend ( recently enagaged) were looking at ring magazines. My girlfriend told her about a specific type of ring she hopes to have. It’s her favorite. To find a good quality diamond in that cut is very expensive. I make a good salary, but spending $30-40l on a ring is extravagant. I would rather use that as a down payment for a house. How do I keep her in mind, but go for a cheaper option? Will she be disappointed if it’s not the ring she likes?

She and her, it's never ever her and her.

We didn't have money for a ring as we were trying to buy a house. I really believe that if I had made that kind of demand on my DH he might have had second thoughts about my priorities. On our 25th anniversary I had a beautiful ring designed that cost close to $40k and my DH said that I had earned it! It's sad the ring and wedding thing has gotten so out of control.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Based on further information provided by the OP, I’m getting the feeling he is insecure and much too concerned with impressing others, particularly his social circle. If you live in an expensive area like DC, your income is too low for a 20-30K ring. You will want a house, to pay off debt, save for retirement, etc. If you want kids, add childcare costs, possibly private school tuition and college savings. If you are making your salary in a lower COL area, you probably can afford it.

Op here. I don’t live in DC. I live in the Midwest. $250k is higher than the average HHI.

Then go for it is that’s what the two of you decide. 250k in DC is not the same as 250k in Kansas City. 20k will still be a very nice ring. No need to go up to 30k if you aren’t comfortable with that amount.

Op here. The average HHI is $95k in DC. I’m from there. I currently live in Chicago, which isn’t cheap. We have the highest taxes, and property property in a nice area is easily $500k. Most houses in areas near say Wrigley go for $1 million+. Where you got Kansas City, I’m not sure, but there are plenty of areas in the Midwest that are expensive to live.

I would be livid if my boyfriend spent that much on a ring. Under 1,000, no diamond. I’d rather we invested in our life than a hand decoration.

Anonymous wrote:https://www.estatediamondjewelry.com/product/asscher-ring/

This cut does not look good unless you have long delicate fingers.

Just you wait guys. Next these ladies will want to spend $150K on a wedding, 30K on a wedding dress, 2.5 million on a house, etc., etc. And you will spend it, because you wouldn't want to disappoint the little princess, right? It is slippery slope you are all going down. Best of luck to you!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t start off your marriage by disappointing her. There will be plenty of things to save money on. This shouldn’t be one of them.

YES

BS. Only a demanding shrew and future problem wife would be so overwhelmingly disappointed in a piece of jewelry that it would negatively affect the relationship. If a woman is truly in love with a man, she won't be disappointed in a stupid ring. Besides, the ostentatious American engagement ring tradition should be put out to pasture. A friend of mine from Europe told me that they don't do engagement rings. They just wear simple gold bands on their right hands after marriage. Sounds good to me. Marriage is hard enough. It is even harder when too much focus and energy is wasted on bullsh!t.

Anonymous wrote:Don’t start off your marriage by disappointing her. There will be plenty of things to save money on. This shouldn’t be one of them.

YES

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Based on further information provided by the OP, I’m getting the feeling he is insecure and much too concerned with impressing others, particularly his social circle. If you live in an expensive area like DC, your income is too low for a 20-30K ring. You will want a house, to pay off debt, save for retirement, etc. If you want kids, add childcare costs, possibly private school tuition and college savings. If you are making your salary in a lower COL area, you probably can afford it.

Op here. I don’t live in DC. I live in the Midwest. $250k is higher than the average HHI.

Then go for it is that’s what the two of you decide. 250k in DC is not the same as 250k in Kansas City. 20k will still be a very nice ring. No need to go up to 30k if you aren’t comfortable with that amount.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$30-40k is a crazy amount. Don’t ever spend more than $5-10k.

+1

$5k is cheap. I think $10-20k is more reasonable for a good quality diamond.

Woman here. $5k is more than enough. No diamonds for me though - the diamond trade is evil and anyone getting engaged to me is not allowed to contribute to it.