Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve shown up to guests homes with extra people on my side. Rude, yes but I wanted them to come with me and didn’t really care what the host or others thought of me. I’m carefree.

Speechless. Where's that thread about what's trashy...

Anonymous wrote:I think east coast people are really rude. As long as it's not a $200 seated wedding dinner, I say .. "the more, the merrier". I grew up in a family with 8 kids. We always welcomed more. We are Catholic and really believe in sharing.

Reading the thread about immigrants made me sick...so many viscious people here. Why not try to live and let live.

Let the people bring others to a cookout. How much does a burger cost anyway cheapie?

NP. I think most East Coast people are rude too, but I'm not sure what that has to do with people bringing extra people that the host didn't invite. That's just rude, period, no matter who does it.

Since you grew up in a family with 8 kids, it's likely that nobody would have noticed an extra few people. For those of us whose houses are more calm and we decided not to have 8 kids because, you know, we don't want a house full of chaos and a ton of kids, we don't always welcome more.

And many of us aren't just serving a cheap burger when we invite guests to our homes. Some of us (at least those of us without 8 kids) have more elaborate and expensive meals. There's a big difference between a cheap burger and a $200 per plate meal. If you only ever do cheap and easy meals, that's fine. But don't assume that everyone is like you and call us cheap because we don't want to open our homes to the public.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad I'm reading this. We were invited to a 4th of July party (My family of 5) and I was going to ask the host of I may bring my mom because she is staying with us for 6 weeks this summer. I was hesitating and now I will just delcine and do something with my mom.

That's just so sad to me, I'd much rather have an additional guest that have someone decline.

But she should decline and, per PPs, give the reason. That permits the host to extend an invitation (or not).

Anonymous wrote:I’ve shown up to guests homes with extra people on my side. Rude, yes but I wanted them to come with me and didn’t really care what the host or others thought of me. I’m carefree.

No. It's rude.

Anonymous wrote:The only time it is acceptable is when you have already RSVPed yes, then you have a single or couple of out of town guests that have announced they are coming or have arrived. Then you can ask as long as you give the host the option to decline. Usually, you only do this for visiting family.

"Hi Larla. My brother and SIL just called and asked if they could come and visit this weekend. I know we already RSVPed that we would come to your picnic. Can I bring them along or should we make other plans with them?"

The host can tell always say that it would be better for your to make other plans and you can arrange to see her some other time.

That is even worse.

It’s a bit hard to say no but if you really aren’t able to host more you’ll need an excuse , “If you already have plans with the Smiths’ I understand. Unfortunately I just don’t have seating on my porch for 5 more people at this event. I hope we can get together another time.”

I’ve shown up to guests homes with extra people on my side. Rude, yes but I wanted them to come with me and didn’t really care what the host or others thought of me. I’m carefree.

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad I'm reading this. We were invited to a 4th of July party (My family of 5) and I was going to ask the host of I may bring my mom because she is staying with us for 6 weeks this summer. I was hesitating and now I will just delcine and do something with my mom.

That makes me very sad. I would be quite upset if you declined because your mom was in town and I didn't know to include her. I would feel that it was my fault. Honestly, even with OP's scenario, I would be glad that the other family asked. I would probably include the other family unless there was some reason not to (family birthday, etc) that would make it awkward to have outsiders there. But I think we all have our own comfort levels with entertaining and you have to be true to what you know about yourself. I wonder why the intermediary family asked - it seems unusual so it must have felt important to them.

Sit down dinner where there's a limited amount of seats? Barring an emergency/unusual situation, no. If it's a casual party/bbq where there will be a lot of people, it's fine. In those situations, I always prepare extra food anyways.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know the etiquette rules say it's wrong, but this is one that has honestly never bothered me. If I'm planning a big casual cookout, then I'm usually planning for a few dozen people coming and going over the course of an afternoon. An extra person - or two, or five - is not going to affect my planning whatsoever. At a more intimate dinner party, I might say "sorry, we only have space for 8 and we're already maxed out", but I certainly don't mind you asking. If I can make it work, I would like the opportunity to do so.

For example, if I had a guest like PP and discovered mid-party that she'd left her mom at home, or had declined my invitation because she had a summer-long guest, that would make me sad! I wish you would ask! I like meeting new people and love welcoming them into my home.

Big casual cookout, sure that makes sense. And someone's mom (singular) is visiting (i.e. would be otherwise home alone?) Again, understandable?

But if you are having a smaller party, and someone asks to invite a whole (local) family? So basically they want to entertain a family, but at your party? I can't quite understand that. If they like you, and think you will like this family, why don't they just invite you both to THEIR house, where they can entertain both of you? Why invite the other family to YOUR house?

Well, OP described it as a cookout, which I interpreted to mean more of a big casual backyard thing than a small formal dining room dinner party.

If I invited two other couples over for dinner, and one called to ask if she could bring another family along, I might think it's ok or might think it's weird, depending on the circumstances. Either way I wouldn't feel obligated to say yes, nor would I feel offended or upset that they asked. It's just a question. In general, though, I like welcoming people into my home and usually jump at the chance to make some new friends.

Anonymous wrote:I know the etiquette rules say it's wrong, but this is one that has honestly never bothered me. If I'm planning a big casual cookout, then I'm usually planning for a few dozen people coming and going over the course of an afternoon. An extra person - or two, or five - is not going to affect my planning whatsoever. At a more intimate dinner party, I might say "sorry, we only have space for 8 and we're already maxed out", but I certainly don't mind you asking. If I can make it work, I would like the opportunity to do so.

For example, if I had a guest like PP and discovered mid-party that she'd left her mom at home, or had declined my invitation because she had a summer-long guest, that would make me sad! I wish you would ask! I like meeting new people and love welcoming them into my home.

Big casual cookout, sure that makes sense. And someone's mom (singular) is visiting (i.e. would be otherwise home alone?) Again, understandable?

But if you are having a smaller party, and someone asks to invite a whole (local) family? So basically they want to entertain a family, but at your party? I can't quite understand that. If they like you, and think you will like this family, why don't they just invite you both to THEIR house, where they can entertain both of you? Why invite the other family to YOUR house?

Every year we have a big Christmas party and almost every year someone calls with that kind of request. I have no problem with it. They're our friends, it's Christmas and the more the merrier. If it was a dinner party for 8 that would be different.

If it was a very close friend who was having the party (assuming it was a good size party) I would ask if the extra guest was a family member or someone very special. If it wasn't a very close friend I'd say thanks but "my sister" is in town and the host has the option of saying bring her along or not.

No no no

This works my nerves and if you did this to me, I’d dropped you. It’s rude and very inconsiderate.