"You can have it all, but you are going to be REALLY tired and stressed". - Reality talking

Most women have it wrong, either marry a Mr Mom type or you don't wear all hats at the same time.

Don't wear the hats consecutively, do it like this:

20's - Single playtime, time for going all in on college and career, invest $

30's - Have your babies, take a break to raise them into late ES

40's - Go back to work part-time or full-time if it's flexible, your kids are more independent and don't need daycare

50's - Kids are grown, do whatever work you enjoy

60's - Work, play and enjoy the grandkids

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents are the key in achieving this balance. I find a number of my friends moved closer to their parents once they have their second child.

+1 Involved grandparents make the difference. I don't know anyone willing to go away for an overnight or weekend unless grandparents babysit. There's no guilt in going on a date night since your kids are bonding with the grandparents. My DH feels guilty about leaving DD with babysitters for date night so we haven't had one in months.

Well you could go when they're asleep? DH and I have a babysitter every single weekend and DD goes to sleep before the sitter arrives. We're gone 7:30-midnight. We have zero guilt going when the kids would be asleep anyways and we need that date night.

Anonymous wrote:A coworker’s mom lives with them and cooks each day and takes the kids to their activities. I had been wondering how she worked until 6, 7 and then was back online again at home pretty soon after.

Oh heck no. I wanted a trained caretaker that is very active.

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents are the key in achieving this balance. I find a number of my friends moved closer to their parents once they have their second child.

Not an option for everyone though. Grandparents may be dead, or too elderly to regularly care for young kids. Or maybe they don't want to. My MIL would never babysit, even for an hour. She wasn't even willing to hold my newborn for 5 minutes so I could change my toddler's diaper.

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents are the key in achieving this balance. I find a number of my friends moved closer to their parents once they have their second child.

As long as they are willing and able. Not everyone is so lucky.

We had a decent balance until both our children were diagnosed with issues that needed to be addressed with more time and therapies. Then the balance was shot. Enter sahp and balance was restored. This is what worked for us, but it is not the solution for everyone. Just as dual wohps is not the solution for everyone either (although among our friend groups it is the default until it doesn't work). everyone's mileage varies

Anonymous wrote:I think I come close. I am fortunate to have a fantastic nanny who also acts as House Manager; I own my own company; and I have parents who beg to have DD sleep over on Saturday night giving DH and I a date night every week. I outsource everything to have three day weekends devoted only to DD and DH.

I am confused, how to do have date nights every Sat with DD sleeping away but simultaneously devote three days a weekend to her and DH?

Having support is the key, as others have said. DH and I both work full time and we do not have family nearby. We only have one child, but she is not independent at all yet (19mo), so our lives are pretty exhausting.

An example of my day:

6:45am — leave for work
7:30-3:30 — at work
5:00 — pick up DD from daycare
5:15-7:15 — dinner, playing with her, bath, bedtime
7:30-8:00 - cleaning up from her dinner, packing her lunch and snacks for the next day, trying to eat something myself
8:00 - 10:00 - more work
10:00 - shower and relaxing until I fall asleep around 11:00

DH has her in the morning, but works long hours and is almost never home until after bedtime. DD is lucky to have four grandparents who adore her, but my parents are 300 miles away, and DH’s are 2,000 miles away, so we are on our own.

A coworker’s mom lives with them and cooks each day and takes the kids to their activities. I had been wondering how she worked until 6, 7 and then was back online again at home pretty soon after.

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents are the key in achieving this balance. I find a number of my friends moved closer to their parents once they have their second child.

+1 Involved grandparents make the difference. I don't know anyone willing to go away for an overnight or weekend unless grandparents babysit. There's no guilt in going on a date night since your kids are bonding with the grandparents. My DH feels guilty about leaving DD with babysitters for date night so we haven't had one in months.

I feel balanced. Some days are more challenging than others, but I feel grateful and happy every day.

Anonymous wrote:I feel unbalanced. I am with toddler (4) and baby (8 months) from 6:30 a.m. to 8:30 a.m. and from 6 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. I spend all weekend with them unless I work for a couple hours on a weekend day or DH and I get a sitter to go out for dinner. I log back on and work most nights after the kids go to bed. I think that's why I feel unbalanced - its not just about balancing between work and kids, you need time for yourself as well. I am a lawyer.

Sorry to nitpick, but a 4 year old is not a toddler - not even close. This drives me crazy.

Grandparents are the key in achieving this balance. I find a number of my friends moved closer to their parents once they have their second child.

Of course there is no balance, however some rich Shark Tank woman is supposed to think she has it hard? Who watches Shark Tank anyway? Everything about our work and family lives here is out of balance. People often don't have help from grandparents, people shuffle their kids to a day care for 10 hours per day, people run around trying to cook healthy, clean, fix things, be best parents, best providers, best housekeepers, best whatever. And it is become we are all crazy, not that we have too many options, but it is our choice to be crazy and chase bigger TVs and fancier cars, so something's gotta give. This whole area is unbalanced, much of Western World is unbalanced. There is a reason we call it a rat race, scrambling to achieve everything and achieving nothing that matters.

It's definitely a myth in my field, especially considering perception is everything. My coworkers without kids sit in the office till 7 PM each night while I leave by 5, so they all look like they're working way harder than I am. However, once my kid is sleeping, I always get back online and do several hours' worth of work from home, so really I work just as many hours as everyone else... but it doesn't count because a) no one sees it, and b) I'm not available at all hours and can't dial in for last minute 7 PM proposal calls the way my single / childless counterparts do because I'm doing dinner and bedtime. It sucks but I'm also not about to give up my few hours with my child each night to get ahead...