Anonymous wrote:It’s proper etiquette to bring a gift to a birthday party. However, as some others have mentioned, if a kid shows up to my kid’s party without a gift I don’t care. Who knows what the family’s situation is. What’s most important to my kids is that their friends show up. My worst nightmare is that no one shows up to the party—who cares about the gift!

What if the invite specifically said no gifts?

It’s proper etiquette to bring a gift to a birthday party. However, as some others have mentioned, if a kid shows up to my kid’s party without a gift I don’t care. Who knows what the family’s situation is. What’s most important to my kids is that their friends show up. My worst nightmare is that no one shows up to the party—who cares about the gift!

Anonymous wrote:You're not supposed to say "no gifts" in the invite because gifts aren't ever required. It is not rude to come to a party without a gift when nothing is specified in the invitation, but it is unusual.

Culturally, yes gifts are expected at a birthday party. It’s weird that you don’t think so.

I had someone only come to the last half of my kids birthday party (the half where food is served) without a gift. At first I was like “wow so rude” but then I realized they likely couldn’t afford a gift and were probably experiencing food insecurity and then I felt bad for being so judgy.

You're not supposed to say "no gifts" in the invite because gifts aren't ever required. It is not rude to come to a party without a gift when nothing is specified in the invitation, but it is unusual.

Anonymous wrote:Yes but if I thought the family mught struggling I would not be offended. I mean honestly I wouldn’t be offended either way honestly, I don’t need anymore junk honestly. My daughters best friend when she was younger always made a card and gave a used gift - her family was lovely they just didn’t have much money.

For me, I’d be offended not because of the gift specifically, but because they showed up completely empty handed for a planned party. They could have drawn a picture or given a candy bar or something else very inexpensive.

To me it depends a little on the size of party. If it’s a big class party at a venue, I’d think it a little rude and weird. If it’s a money issue… I don’t understand that because people are always giving things away for free that you can gift, or stick a $5 in an envelope, or give a used book. But if it’s a small party of 6 kids, very rude to bring nothing at all.

My kid had a large party not long ago and it was interesting to see the range of gifts. The thoughtlessness of gifts pretty much directly correlated to how rude I’ve found the parents and kids to be. The rudest kid/parent combo changed the rsvp to NO 15 minutes before the party started with no explanation. The second rudest kid/parent combo gave used baby books including a free one clearly received as a Happy Meal toy.

The hosts have stated no gifts. How is it rude to honor their request?

I honestly could not give a single F if a guest brings a gift or not. I know we all have a lot going on and wouldn’t be offended by this in the slightest.

I don’t even go to peoples house period without a gesture in hand like wine or something. Definitely would not bring myself and a whole bunch of kids to someone child’s bday party with nothing lol. If the party said “no gifts” I got something for the parents lol. It’s mad rude and improper in American culture period lol. My stepson was wondering where his gifts were i lucky had some gifts I had as prizes for the games. We had got him a ps5 game but he had nothing really to open. I told him over there as pointed to the prize table. Bummer but oh well he had fun.

No. We all have too much stuff as it is. Kids are just happy to have their friends over. Do make a handmade card and write something nice about the birthday child.

Anonymous wrote:The reason some people are confused is because they are missing a simple point of etiquette— you should always hold yourself to a higher standard than others. I’m serious. Example: I would consider it rude for me to show up empty handed at a party that didn’t mention gifts on the invite. Conversely, I’ve had people show up with no gift to my kid’s party that didn’t specify no gifts, and it was totally fine; I didn’t find it rude. Same with sending & receiving thank you notes, etc.

Exactly! The “double standard” should ALWAYS involve having a higher standard for yourself. Put others first. Bring the gift, but it’s fine if others don’t bring you a gift. And that is just one example. This is how I was raised (through example).

Simple. When in doubt, attend with a gift on hand or you are out.

I wouldn't bat an eye if a child showed up to my kid's birthday party without a gift. We didn't invite the child in order to get a gift. We invited them to a party in order to celebrate at the party. I really can't believe anyone gets their panties in a twist over this. And I'm the kind of person who writes thank you notes, who doesn't block car line or violate the rules, etc. I try very hard not to be rude in all my interactions. But this would not remotely offend or upset me.

Yes but if I thought the family mught struggling I would not be offended. I mean honestly I wouldn’t be offended either way honestly, I don’t need anymore junk honestly. My daughters best friend when she was younger always made a card and gave a used gift - her family was lovely they just didn’t have much money.