Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At student exchange program? Would she want to go international?

That sounds like a good option for junior year. Finish up senior year at TJ.

TJ parent here -- you can't do that at TJ

Even if you could, it doesn't sound like a good idea if the kid is burned out, hates the environment and is pleading to get out. The burn-out in this case sounds bad enough that the child doesn't even want to go back to the base school. It's actually a good thing that she is "symptomatic" and expressing how she feels, rather than bottling everything up to give the illusion of control.

OP here with an update of sorts.

First, I want to make it clear -- I'm not pushing DD to stay at TJ. I would be elated if she went back to the base, but she's resistant and there are some complicating factors in getting her TJ coursework to map back to the traditional high school requirements. It's do-able, but it is complicated. Plus, she's basically made it clear that it's the structure of high school on top of TJ that is making her want to just get her GED and move on.

Second, I found a few online high schools. One thought we are thinking through is whether she can finish via distance education.

The third and most promising thing is the Mary Baldwin idea, but that requires another year of high school and we're back to square one.

One thing that made me furious about the whole process is how meh TJ guidance and admin have been. Our base school guidance people really stepped up and gave us a ton of information, including sketching out a path that could have DD return to the base and complete the IB program (that is getting some traction at least with her).

OP— I have a sophomore and posted a long response upthread. I would strongly, strongly encourage you not to give up based on a meh Admin and guidance experience. The student services head is terrible and seems to think that his entire purpose in life is to say no. So avoid him. But the guidance counselors have always been great about having a we all share all the kids attitude. If your kid’s guidance counselor is a dud or a bad match, you are not stuck with them on this. I would ask your daughter to pick a different guidance counselor and talk to them. And if it goes well, make an appointment with that guidance counselor and go talk to them face to face. I know Mr. Burke is an amazing above and beyond guy, and the kids love him. My kid has Ms. Martinez, who was new last year. So, shelacks some TJ institutional knowledge. But she makes up for it in moving heaven and Earth to help my kid. He is under a 504 and we have hit some bumps with getting teachers to honor it and implement it properly. I now cc her on all my correspondence, and she always tracks down solutions within 48 hours. Someone in guidance will be a good match. And they will sort down with you and help you realistically weigh your options, even if they are not your child’s official counselor. Another place to start might be Ms. Knopf in the college and career center. She can help look at internships, early college options, gap year options, etc.— and then hook you up with a counselor who is a better fit.

I wonder if having the status of IB is why she is willing to look at that....she perhaps feels that going to "just" HS would be embarrassing. But she can save face by saying she opted for the full IB -- getting some cache out of that.

If so -- well, that's fine! Work with her to save face! Anyway you can! Teens are very concerned about how they look to their peers. Of course no one is judging her. But, if she is judging herself harshly (which wouldn't be surprising), then finding a solution that plays to her pride is going to be a winner.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your kid sounds smart, well thought out with a flair for some emotional drama. If you try to fit a smart kid into a normal bucket and measure them against regular standards, they will suffer. Most suffer in silence. Your child is at least bringing this to your attention.

None of us on the board can make an accurate assessment of your child though many PP's have suggested good questions. That's your responsibility as a parent.

This can't be the first time your child has mentioned their dissatisfaction with school. What did you say those other times? Did you formulate a plan with your spouse on how to address this? It sounds as if you and your spouse did not come up with a plan so your smart child came up with a plan on their own.

Help your child think through the consequences and if you and your spouse are ill equipped to come up with a plan, brainstorm a solution with your child and see if there is something that you all can agree on.

Honestly, a lot of these issues were a slow burn. Year one was difficult, but we attributed to adjusting and she always agreed with this. Year two was more of the same and I think something just snapped over Christmas break and she just pulled back. We started therapy during year one of TJ and honestly thought she was getting tools to manage the stress.

I think there's a lot of thinking to do. I definitely think we all need to get some research in place. When I had a call with the guidance counselor, I didn't get nearly as much in terms of ideas (her response: well, leave TJ, then and go back to the base or just get the GED. It's really your call). I appreciate everyone giving me some ideas to think through.

And yes, DD has a flair for drama and has struggled in structured environments. Oddly, she'd probably be a better fit for HB Woodlawn than TJ in hindsight.

OP. Thanks for sharing this situation about your DD. Given how smart she is, everything will work out eventually though it will be a bit hard on you guys (parents) while she gets there.

There are a lot of discussions around stress at TJ, especially after the recent death of a freshman. The new Principal is doing close to nothing and wants to bring in some outfit from California for god knows what. The latest I'm hearing through the grapevine is that she is positioning the situation as "It's the parents' fault to expect so much from your kids at TJ. Let them enjoy life, don't stress about grades and let things fall where they may. Everything will be all right". It does not appear TJ curriculcum or homework rigor will change.

It would be great if you could share your story on your TJ Facebook group so that it is heard and helps other students once your situation is resolved (of course).

Anonymous wrote: Very strange! Your child had scored 1510 in SAT and you still think she not ready for college.

Are you pretending or are you this dense in real life?

Crazy idea for you, but what about
a) going to a regular high school part time (for English etc) and
b) finding a research project at a university to work on as independent study?

Not homeschool but getting rid of the stress and focusing more on her talents. Generally ideas like this might leave her more able to deal with structure and part of a larger community. A research project or other similar thing might provide good opportunities for mentorship and intellectual stimulation that meet her skill level.

Anonymous wrote:I pulled my kid from TJ. Crazy place.

+1

I know at least two people who turned down admission to TJ, based on the environment; and at least three people who have left, for the same reason. Much healthier to leave than try to stick it out in such a toxic environment, OP.

She could get her HS diploma through this: https://www.virtualvirginia.org/programs/virtual-virginia-full-time-program/

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At student exchange program? Would she want to go international?

That sounds like a good option for junior year. Finish up senior year at TJ.

TJ parent here -- you can't do that at TJ

Even if you could, it doesn't sound like a good idea if the kid is burned out, hates the environment and is pleading to get out. The burn-out in this case sounds bad enough that the child doesn't even want to go back to the base school. It's actually a good thing that she is "symptomatic" and expressing how she feels, rather than bottling everything up to give the illusion of control.

OP here with an update of sorts.

First, I want to make it clear -- I'm not pushing DD to stay at TJ. I would be elated if she went back to the base, but she's resistant and there are some complicating factors in getting her TJ coursework to map back to the traditional high school requirements. It's do-able, but it is complicated. Plus, she's basically made it clear that it's the structure of high school on top of TJ that is making her want to just get her GED and move on.

Second, I found a few online high schools. One thought we are thinking through is whether she can finish via distance education.

The third and most promising thing is the Mary Baldwin idea, but that requires another year of high school and we're back to square one.

One thing that made me furious about the whole process is how meh TJ guidance and admin have been. Our base school guidance people really stepped up and gave us a ton of information, including sketching out a path that could have DD return to the base and complete the IB program (that is getting some traction at least with her).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At student exchange program? Would she want to go international?

That sounds like a good option for junior year. Finish up senior year at TJ.

TJ parent here -- you can't do that at TJ

Even if you could, it doesn't sound like a good idea if the kid is burned out, hates the environment and is pleading to get out. The burn-out in this case sounds bad enough that the child doesn't even want to go back to the base school. It's actually a good thing that she is "symptomatic" and expressing how she feels, rather than bottling everything up to give the illusion of control.

Anonymous wrote:Please listen to your child and put your pride and tiger mothering to rest. This is a cry for help. I would totally allow my kid to do that. I have taught regular high school. She will be bored to tears.

This mom doesn't sound like she's "tiger mothering" at all. Give the poor woman a break -- she's just trying to do right by her kid!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At student exchange program? Would she want to go international?

That sounds like a good option for junior year. Finish up senior year at TJ.

TJ parent here -- you can't do that at TJ

There is nothing wrong with getting a GED and taking a class or two at community college and working the next year. She can still go away to college when she is ready. Mental health is the most important thing.

Anonymous wrote:I pulled my kid from TJ. Crazy place.

How so?

I pulled my kid from TJ. Crazy place.

Please listen to your child and put your pride and tiger mothering to rest. This is a cry for help. I would totally allow my kid to do that. I have taught regular high school. She will be bored to tears.