Anonymous wrote:I graduated from an expensive private college debt free due to the generosity of my parents. My fancy grad school debts were minimal due to a combination of scholarships, grants and some parental assistance as well. I am fortunate on that end.

We will be in a position to fully fund our children's education. However, I am not so sure on the value of going to a fancy college at a much higher cost than a good instate flagship or a lower ranked school with substantial merit aid. I have seen much of the world and worked with a wide range of people and know fully well you can go to a "lower" or state public school and still have a very successful life, and that you can go to an expensive school and have a struggling life.

In many ways I would prefer for the children to go instate at the flagship and put aside 100k for their first down payment. That would be more beneficial in the long run.

To keep my post relevant to the thread, my advice to parents and students starting the process is to go to the cheapest college option (within reason) and make that work for you. Even if you can afford full freight carefully consider the advantage of having the differential to use for graduate school or to help with the first down payment.

Just don't assume that 90-100k debt for any school, including the Ivies, will ever truly pay off. Of course if money is genuinely not an issue it's a different scenario.

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Anonymous wrote:I was responding to the guy who says he has more than enough money saved for college but thinks pain of debt somehow makes his kid appreciate his place in life better. I think it’s selfish and greedy. It’s so easy to fall into poverty and very hard to fight your way back up to a reasonable level of comfort. A college degree is a keystone towards economic stability. It should not be used by a parent of means as a moral cudgel. Life itself will beat a lesson into almost everyone.

Selfish, greedy, moral cudgeling PP here (and I'm a she not a he). I don't view my approach as a moral cudgel and don't think debt is pain. Debt is a financial tool that most adults use that needs to be learned to managed. In my view, if kids graduate with a little student loan they won't may not as quickly take on too much car loan, or rent an apartment beyond their means. They will more likely develop work-arounds like have roommates at an age when most of their peers will also have college loans. They will likely job hunt a bit more intensely. I hope a bit of debt will help him learn basic financial skills tied to the reality that he will need to fund his life and that I'm not rich enough to ensure he is in perpetuity in the middle/upper middle class. I had similar amounts of student loans for my undergrad and grad school and I didn't see it as an undue burden (and I was a philosophy major so not the most immediate obvious employment!).

And, yes, while we do have enough money saved--we have more than one kid and-- who knows the future--we are not rich--just UMC. Also, it's not like I'm going to let my kids fall into poverty if I am able. Moreover, in my view a debt level of 1/2-1 year's entry level salary paid back over the course of 10 years is more likely to help an educated person avoid poverty than push them into it by establishing the necessary habit of living slightly below your current means.

As for moral cudgeling, I guess I do hope it does give a small sense of appreciation for the experiences of those who don't have all the same initial advantages. I see consequences of the lack of this empathy around me all the time in how people talk about public policy and poverty. How the depth of their own privileges and advantages are invisible to them when they judge others.

Anyway this approach works for us: I have a great relationship with my son. We've talked through this and he thinks it makes sense. We talked about how he could alternately come up with the money--(e.g., working more while in college, going to a cheaper school) if he's uncomfortable with taking on debt. He likes looking at/thinking about financials and seems to like the feeling that we treat him as an adult. He also seems pretty balanced and alert to the ways that he is advantaged by being raised UMC. His closest friends are, for the most part, richer than us, so he really could have developed a different stance.

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Anonymous wrote:Zero. We have been saving since his birth and he is going to a state school. My parents and I struggled to pay for my college tuition. I didn’t want to burden him with that stress. Any leftover money can be used for graduate school.

What about summer jobs for him to help out?

I am not the PP, but we are a family who is making sure our children graduate without debt. That means we pay for tuition & fees, R&B and books. We do not pay for their walking around money. If they want that, they find jobs in the summer- and they have.

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Anonymous wrote:I offered to pay UMCP out of pocket but he chose differently so $40K.

This is the philosophy I expect to have also when my kids are that age

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Anonymous wrote:Zero. We have been saving since his birth and he is going to a state school. My parents and I struggled to pay for my college tuition. I didn’t want to burden him with that stress. Any leftover money can be used for graduate school.

What about summer jobs for him to help out?

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Anonymous wrote:Zero. We have been saving since his birth and he is going to a state school. My parents and I struggled to pay for my college tuition. I didn’t want to burden him with that stress. Any leftover money can be used for graduate school.

What about summer jobs for him to help out?

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Anonymous wrote:$40K. My ex husband and I were unable to save a lot of money for college. She goes to a flagship that costs about $28K year. We warned her, but it was her decision.

You warned her about what?

The debt...?

You (parents) didn't save any? Poor kid.

We saved some but not enough to fund all of a college education. Between a divorce, a yearlong battle with breast cancer, several years spent out of the workforce...the list goes on...there was often barely enough for me to pay the mortgage and put food on the table, let alone put money in a college account.

I know, my poor kid. Probably should've just found a new mom, eh?

Your attitude is lousy. Like another poster said, why did you expect her to do? She went to a state college. Hopefully she can be a better mom than you.

PP, I don't like you. Was there a need to chime in just to berate this woman who was telling you about her own challenges?

Don't like me, then. I chimed in because of her trashy comment: "We warned her." It's not like the daughter racked up 200 hundred grand in debt.

DCUM really brings out the worst in humanity. Dear God.

Anonymous wrote:I offered to pay UMCP out of pocket but he chose differently so $40K.

Anonymous wrote:Zero. We have been saving since his birth and he is going to a state school. My parents and I struggled to pay for my college tuition. I didn’t want to burden him with that stress. Any leftover money can be used for graduate school.

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Anonymous wrote:$40K. My ex husband and I were unable to save a lot of money for college. She goes to a flagship that costs about $28K year. We warned her, but it was her decision.

You warned her about what?

The debt...?

You (parents) didn't save any? Poor kid.

We saved some but not enough to fund all of a college education. Between a divorce, a yearlong battle with breast cancer, several years spent out of the workforce...the list goes on...there was often barely enough for me to pay the mortgage and put food on the table, let alone put money in a college account.

I know, my poor kid. Probably should've just found a new mom, eh?

Your attitude is lousy. Like another poster said, why did you expect her to do? She went to a state college. Hopefully she can be a better mom than you.

PP, I don't like you. Was there a need to chime in just to berate this woman who was telling you about her own challenges?

Don't like me, then. I chimed in because of her trashy comment: "We warned her." It's not like the daughter racked up 200 hundred grand in debt.

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Anonymous wrote:$40K. My ex husband and I were unable to save a lot of money for college. She goes to a flagship that costs about $28K year. We warned her, but it was her decision.

You warned her about what?

The debt...?

You (parents) didn't save any? Poor kid.

We saved some but not enough to fund all of a college education. Between a divorce, a yearlong battle with breast cancer, several years spent out of the workforce...the list goes on...there was often barely enough for me to pay the mortgage and put food on the table, let alone put money in a college account.

I know, my poor kid. Probably should've just found a new mom, eh?

Your attitude is lousy. Like another poster said, why did you expect her to do? She went to a state college. Hopefully she can be a better mom than you.

PP, I don't like you. Was there a need to chime in just to berate this woman who was telling you about her own challenges?