Anonymous wrote:It makes me sad when I see a couple who clearly have what we don’t have

Perhaps your definition of what makes them a ''soulmate'', along with your own shortcomings, is the issue.

Anonymous wrote:It makes me sad when I see a couple who clearly have what we don’t have

Girlfriend, get your head out of your bum. Do not compare your inner life with how things look on the outside. My DH is amazing and I love him to bits. But we have rough patches and fights just like everyone. Things aren't the way they seem esp on social media.

Anonymous wrote:Mine is not either. He’s unable to connect in some ways that are integral to things I crave in a relationship. However we fit in other ways like puzzle pieces. We started as friends and have a more compassionate than passionate relationship. It’s stabilizing for us both. Sometimes you have to find a way to connect that isn’t what you expected. I find some of what I need through friendships (non sexual), and other things within, pursuing my own interests and hobbies, sharing with him what I can. I’d love more romance but what we have is also very good.

I could have written this. I am in a very similar marriage. My DH is not my soul mate. I actually met someone who I feel strongly is but he is 20 years younger then me. So its not always convenient or the right time. Soul mates are not necessarily meant to be our spouses or life partners.

Mine is not either. He’s unable to connect in some ways that are integral to things I crave in a relationship. However we fit in other ways like puzzle pieces. We started as friends and have a more compassionate than passionate relationship. It’s stabilizing for us both. Sometimes you have to find a way to connect that isn’t what you expected. I find some of what I need through friendships (non sexual), and other things within, pursuing my own interests and hobbies, sharing with him what I can. I’d love more romance but what we have is also very good.

Oh please, what are you 17?

I've been married 35 years and I adore my DH. Whatever I expected from being married he has overdelivered. Is he my soulmate? That sounds like something from a desperate romance novel!

Sorry. No such thing as THE ONE.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I'd need to know more about why OP is feeling this way. I sometimes feel that way because DH really doesn't listen to or care about much of what I say - and I WOH the home full time plus volunteer as an assistant coach for DD's sports team, so I'm not begging him to spend tons of time listening to me - I'm pretty busy. I'm not demanding some magical level of connection, but I'd like something other that silence or a shrug when I mention something significant that happened in my day.

Are you me? Lately I feel like I’m on an island in my marriage. My husband is a nice guy but is concerned constantly stressed and distracted with work. He reads the paper at the dinner table and I think a week will go by before he actually even looks at me.

So there is such a thing as shitty marriages. Perhaps you are not well suited and it is starting to show in your interactions with each other but your problems don't exist because you're not "soul mates."

Don't kid yourself into thinking that some couples NEVER go through rough patches or never fight. That doesn't exist. No one is blissfully happy 24/7 for decades.

I don't believe in soul mates or "love at first sight."

I believe in lust at first sight but not love. I think any normal person can be happy with multiple people and who you end up with is more a matter of timing and happenstance than anything else.

And by the way, this is coming from someone who has spent the last 18 years with one person, who I do consider to be my best friend and rock. But I don't kid myself that both of us wouldn't be just as happy with someone else. That's just magical thinking and is juvenile and kind of pathetic to see in mature adults.

My husband and I have been together since we were 19. We don’t believe in soulmates, but rather “modal spouses.” That is, we believe there are a group of people out there who exist and could make us just as happy as our current relationship. To think otherwise strikes me as strange.

We also think we have a very strong relationship, and it wouldn’t be worth the effort to go off to try to find one of these others, but we acknowledge that we may bump into them along the way. When that happens, we talk about it and move on.

Tim to grow up and stop reading romance novels.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I'd need to know more about why OP is feeling this way. I sometimes feel that way because DH really doesn't listen to or care about much of what I say - and I WOH the home full time plus volunteer as an assistant coach for DD's sports team, so I'm not begging him to spend tons of time listening to me - I'm pretty busy. I'm not demanding some magical level of connection, but I'd like something other that silence or a shrug when I mention something significant that happened in my day.

Are you me? Lately I feel like I’m on an island in my marriage. My husband is a nice guy but is concerned constantly stressed and distracted with work. He reads the paper at the dinner table and I think a week will go by before he actually even looks at me.

Adulthood is hard.

Anonymous wrote:I do believe in soulmates. Not that there is just one. My ex boyfriend is one. My best friend is one.

That's the way I believe the soulmate concept works too. There isn't just one and it's not confined to romantic relationships.

I do believe in soulmates. Not that there is just one. My ex boyfriend is one. My best friend is one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I'd need to know more about why OP is feeling this way. I sometimes feel that way because DH really doesn't listen to or care about much of what I say - and I WOH the home full time plus volunteer as an assistant coach for DD's sports team, so I'm not begging him to spend tons of time listening to me - I'm pretty busy. I'm not demanding some magical level of connection, but I'd like something other that silence or a shrug when I mention something significant that happened in my day.

Are you me? Lately I feel like I’m on an island in my marriage. My husband is a nice guy but is concerned constantly stressed and distracted with work. He reads the paper at the dinner table and I think a week will go by before he actually even looks at me.

This. I don't think I have a one, true "soulmate", but I would like to be with someone who actually likes me. Right now the only time DH speaks to me is to complain and tell me I'm not living up to his standards.