Anonymous
03/09/2018 08:22
Subject: Re:Husband does not initiate sex
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Ugh OP sorry no one here is taking you seriously. I have the same issue and it sucks. And for the record guys...coming on here and saying "there's no way, doesn't compute, that just doesn't make sense" doesn't make us feel any better - we are well aware of the (in many cases well-earned, sure) stereotype that the man wants it all the time and the woman is the withholder/gatekeeper...you're just making us feel worse and more alone.
Anyways OP I too am attractive, have not gained weight and did not turn him down a bunch or anything, and my husband seems largely uninterested. I think part of it is stress - when he gets stressed it just falls by the wayside for him. But that shouldn't explain a total lack of interest. It seems he's just low drive, and that sucks because sex has only become more important to me as I age. I wouldn't say porn addiction or anything but I do think my husband also got into the habit of a quick porn jerkoff because it was easier and quicker and he's just exhausted by the time he gets home. I dunno. Everyone will come on here and respond and tell me that's no excuse and doesn't make sense and they're never too tired or stressed for sex, and I will feel even worse / more hopeless
It’s so much more common than people think for the guy to be the one avoiding sex. It doesn’t compute with people's notions about male sexuality. You are not alone. It sucks and it can really kill your self-esteem.
+1. I have plenty of attractive girlfriends complaining about their husbands lack of interest. I don't think all these men are cheating.
WTF? I’m 40 and in shape. I exercise a lot to cope with lack of sex. I’d love to find a woman like that. I love sex and not only because of the physical part. I don’t feel connected without it. So the rejection hits us too, but we’re supposed to deal with it.
In any case, not sure of what the deal is. My wife has been made the comment she wishes my libido would die down. Sorry lady, if I’m like my father that’s not happening
The women will hit menopause and have less of an issue.
The men, not so much.
NP. Maybe menopause will help curb the feeling of rejection in “real time,” but I’m not sure I will get over the fact that my DH would rather have no sex that address his confidence issues...and I wonder if I will forgive myself for choosing to stay for my kids). He now says that he misses sex but I’m like really, after all this time, you expect me to go down that road with you? Not to mention that I’m not attracted to him anymore. How can you still be attracted to somebody who doesn’t even try to connect sexually?
I’m a guy and that’s how I feel. How am I supposed to feel connected when she won’t bother to address the issue. If I can’t connect sexually then I don’t connect at all. That’s how I’m built.
Anonymous
03/09/2018 06:47
Subject: Husband does not initiate sex
You've asked, and he's answered. He could have a medical issue (ED, or a STD), porn addiction, or be gay.
Ask yourself how you would feel if he suggested divorce. If you can survive, then push the sex conversation. If not, then you are kinda stuck.
"Dave, we have a problem. I miss you. I miss us. There is obviously something going on since we never have sex. I want us to fix this together. If there's something I need to know, please tell me. I'm committed to finding a solution. And if there's something big you need to tell me...or if you don't think the problem can be resolved...then I need you to tell me. The bottom line is that our marriage has suffered to the point that we either commit to trying to fix it now, or we start making plans to lead separate lives."
If he flips out and tries to leave, then say this:
"I guess I have my answer. You're done...because you aren't willing to talk to me and try to work this out. I got it."
Then walk away. No sudden moves. Quietly talk to a lawyer and get your ducks in a row. Don't leave the house. Figure out what's best for you.
Ask yourself how you would feel if he suggested divorce. If you can survive, then push the sex conversation. If not, then you are kinda stuck.
"Dave, we have a problem. I miss you. I miss us. There is obviously something going on since we never have sex. I want us to fix this together. If there's something I need to know, please tell me. I'm committed to finding a solution. And if there's something big you need to tell me...or if you don't think the problem can be resolved...then I need you to tell me. The bottom line is that our marriage has suffered to the point that we either commit to trying to fix it now, or we start making plans to lead separate lives."
If he flips out and tries to leave, then say this:
"I guess I have my answer. You're done...because you aren't willing to talk to me and try to work this out. I got it."
Then walk away. No sudden moves. Quietly talk to a lawyer and get your ducks in a row. Don't leave the house. Figure out what's best for you.
Anonymous
03/09/2018 05:57
Subject: Husband does not initiate sex
OP, I'm another one. But now no sexual interest in DH, very little attachment left except to the kids. I also wonder if remaining in this half-life is best for them.
Anonymous
03/09/2018 04:49
Subject: Husband does not initiate sex
Anonymous wrote:No idea about your relationship, but for many men at some point, after years of rejection, they decide its just not worth the fight anymore.
This.
Anonymous
03/09/2018 04:46
Subject: Re:Husband does not initiate sex
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Ugh OP sorry no one here is taking you seriously. I have the same issue and it sucks. And for the record guys...coming on here and saying "there's no way, doesn't compute, that just doesn't make sense" doesn't make us feel any better - we are well aware of the (in many cases well-earned, sure) stereotype that the man wants it all the time and the woman is the withholder/gatekeeper...you're just making us feel worse and more alone.
Anyways OP I too am attractive, have not gained weight and did not turn him down a bunch or anything, and my husband seems largely uninterested. I think part of it is stress - when he gets stressed it just falls by the wayside for him. But that shouldn't explain a total lack of interest. It seems he's just low drive, and that sucks because sex has only become more important to me as I age. I wouldn't say porn addiction or anything but I do think my husband also got into the habit of a quick porn jerkoff because it was easier and quicker and he's just exhausted by the time he gets home. I dunno. Everyone will come on here and respond and tell me that's no excuse and doesn't make sense and they're never too tired or stressed for sex, and I will feel even worse / more hopeless
It’s so much more common than people think for the guy to be the one avoiding sex. It doesn’t compute with people's notions about male sexuality. You are not alone. It sucks and it can really kill your self-esteem.
+1. I have plenty of attractive girlfriends complaining about their husbands lack of interest. I don't think all these men are cheating.
WTF? I’m 40 and in shape. I exercise a lot to cope with lack of sex. I’d love to find a woman like that. I love sex and not only because of the physical part. I don’t feel connected without it. So the rejection hits us too, but we’re supposed to deal with it.
In any case, not sure of what the deal is. My wife has been made the comment she wishes my libido would die down. Sorry lady, if I’m like my father that’s not happening
The women will hit menopause and have less of an issue.
The men, not so much.
NP. Maybe menopause will help curb the feeling of rejection in “real time,” but I’m not sure I will get over the fact that my DH would rather have no sex that address his confidence issues...and I wonder if I will forgive myself for choosing to stay for my kids). He now says that he misses sex but I’m like really, after all this time, you expect me to go down that road with you? Not to mention that I’m not attracted to him anymore. How can you still be attracted to somebody who doesn’t even try to connect sexually?
Anonymous
03/08/2018 22:32
Subject: Re:Husband does not initiate sex
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Ugh OP sorry no one here is taking you seriously. I have the same issue and it sucks. And for the record guys...coming on here and saying "there's no way, doesn't compute, that just doesn't make sense" doesn't make us feel any better - we are well aware of the (in many cases well-earned, sure) stereotype that the man wants it all the time and the woman is the withholder/gatekeeper...you're just making us feel worse and more alone.
Anyways OP I too am attractive, have not gained weight and did not turn him down a bunch or anything, and my husband seems largely uninterested. I think part of it is stress - when he gets stressed it just falls by the wayside for him. But that shouldn't explain a total lack of interest. It seems he's just low drive, and that sucks because sex has only become more important to me as I age. I wouldn't say porn addiction or anything but I do think my husband also got into the habit of a quick porn jerkoff because it was easier and quicker and he's just exhausted by the time he gets home. I dunno. Everyone will come on here and respond and tell me that's no excuse and doesn't make sense and they're never too tired or stressed for sex, and I will feel even worse / more hopeless
It’s so much more common than people think for the guy to be the one avoiding sex. It doesn’t compute with people's notions about male sexuality. You are not alone. It sucks and it can really kill your self-esteem.
+1. I have plenty of attractive girlfriends complaining about their husbands lack of interest. I don't think all these men are cheating.
WTF? I’m 40 and in shape. I exercise a lot to cope with lack of sex. I’d love to find a woman like that. I love sex and not only because of the physical part. I don’t feel connected without it. So the rejection hits us too, but we’re supposed to deal with it.
In any case, not sure of what the deal is. My wife has been made the comment she wishes my libido would die down. Sorry lady, if I’m like my father that’s not happening
The women will hit menopause and have less of an issue.
The men, not so much.
Anonymous
03/08/2018 22:08
Subject: Re:Husband does not initiate sex
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Ugh OP sorry no one here is taking you seriously. I have the same issue and it sucks. And for the record guys...coming on here and saying "there's no way, doesn't compute, that just doesn't make sense" doesn't make us feel any better - we are well aware of the (in many cases well-earned, sure) stereotype that the man wants it all the time and the woman is the withholder/gatekeeper...you're just making us feel worse and more alone.
Anyways OP I too am attractive, have not gained weight and did not turn him down a bunch or anything, and my husband seems largely uninterested. I think part of it is stress - when he gets stressed it just falls by the wayside for him. But that shouldn't explain a total lack of interest. It seems he's just low drive, and that sucks because sex has only become more important to me as I age. I wouldn't say porn addiction or anything but I do think my husband also got into the habit of a quick porn jerkoff because it was easier and quicker and he's just exhausted by the time he gets home. I dunno. Everyone will come on here and respond and tell me that's no excuse and doesn't make sense and they're never too tired or stressed for sex, and I will feel even worse / more hopeless
It’s so much more common than people think for the guy to be the one avoiding sex. It doesn’t compute with people's notions about male sexuality. You are not alone. It sucks and it can really kill your self-esteem.
+1. I have plenty of attractive girlfriends complaining about their husbands lack of interest. I don't think all these men are cheating.
WTF? I’m 40 and in shape. I exercise a lot to cope with lack of sex. I’d love to find a woman like that. I love sex and not only because of the physical part. I don’t feel connected without it. So the rejection hits us too, but we’re supposed to deal with it.
In any case, not sure of what the deal is. My wife has been made the comment she wishes my libido would die down. Sorry lady, if I’m like my father that’s not happening
Anonymous
03/08/2018 15:38
Subject: Husband does not initiate sex
Anonymous wrote:Op here again...wtf?
There never was a dry spell and sorry for using the word comply...the point is...he doesn’t seem interested and it’s so sad to feel rejected. That’s it
I M in the same situation as you OP. 37, 2 kids, never rejected him. He is not interested
and no I didn't gain weight, i am considered pretty, I take care of myself. He loves me and says he finds me very good looking. I opened a thread on this a few months ago. I don't feel like trying anymore, being rejected is just painful and not being really desired kills my libido. I just want an open marriage now.. my husband can be my platonic partner if he prefers...
Anonymous
03/08/2018 15:22
Subject: Re:Husband does not initiate sex
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Ugh OP sorry no one here is taking you seriously. I have the same issue and it sucks. And for the record guys...coming on here and saying "there's no way, doesn't compute, that just doesn't make sense" doesn't make us feel any better - we are well aware of the (in many cases well-earned, sure) stereotype that the man wants it all the time and the woman is the withholder/gatekeeper...you're just making us feel worse and more alone.
Anyways OP I too am attractive, have not gained weight and did not turn him down a bunch or anything, and my husband seems largely uninterested. I think part of it is stress - when he gets stressed it just falls by the wayside for him. But that shouldn't explain a total lack of interest. It seems he's just low drive, and that sucks because sex has only become more important to me as I age. I wouldn't say porn addiction or anything but I do think my husband also got into the habit of a quick porn jerkoff because it was easier and quicker and he's just exhausted by the time he gets home. I dunno. Everyone will come on here and respond and tell me that's no excuse and doesn't make sense and they're never too tired or stressed for sex, and I will feel even worse / more hopeless
It’s so much more common than people think for the guy to be the one avoiding sex. It doesn’t compute with people's notions about male sexuality. You are not alone. It sucks and it can really kill your self-esteem.
+1. I have plenty of attractive girlfriends complaining about their husbands lack of interest. I don't think all these men are cheating.
Anonymous
03/08/2018 15:15
Subject: Re:Husband does not initiate sex
OP - how much alcohol are you consuming on a daily basis? My DH was turned off by my three glasses of wine before he got home from work and my three martinis on Fri and Sat nights. I cut back to 1 and now our sex life is so much better.
Anonymous
03/08/2018 14:19
Subject: Re:Husband does not initiate sex
This is so true. DW here, 45 married 16 years. I could have sex everyday. He has always been low drive, I'm ok with it. I deal with it, but last 5+ years, ZERO interest. From day 1 of dating I have always been the one to initiate. And I am always the one rejected, "not feeling it, tired, don't want to talk about it". I feel for the women out there also going through this with a man they truly love and desire. It's a tough life.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Ugh OP sorry no one here is taking you seriously. I have the same issue and it sucks. And for the record guys...coming on here and saying "there's no way, doesn't compute, that just doesn't make sense" doesn't make us feel any better - we are well aware of the (in many cases well-earned, sure) stereotype that the man wants it all the time and the woman is the withholder/gatekeeper...you're just making us feel worse and more alone.
Anyways OP I too am attractive, have not gained weight and did not turn him down a bunch or anything, and my husband seems largely uninterested. I think part of it is stress - when he gets stressed it just falls by the wayside for him. But that shouldn't explain a total lack of interest. It seems he's just low drive, and that sucks because sex has only become more important to me as I age. I wouldn't say porn addiction or anything but I do think my husband also got into the habit of a quick porn jerkoff because it was easier and quicker and he's just exhausted by the time he gets home. I dunno. Everyone will come on here and respond and tell me that's no excuse and doesn't make sense and they're never too tired or stressed for sex, and I will feel even worse / more hopeless
It’s so much more common than people think for the guy to be the one avoiding sex. It doesn’t compute with people's notions about male sexuality. You are not alone. It sucks and it can really kill your self-esteem.
Anonymous
03/07/2018 22:53
Subject: Husband does not initiate sex
Anonymous wrote:Sometimes will comply when sex requested
Sometimes says no
Never seems interested
I’m at my wits end and sick of feeling rejected. Married 14 years, two kids. 38. Any ideas?
Troll.
Anonymous
03/07/2018 22:42
Subject: Re:Husband does not initiate sex
Anonymous wrote:Ugh OP sorry no one here is taking you seriously. I have the same issue and it sucks. And for the record guys...coming on here and saying "there's no way, doesn't compute, that just doesn't make sense" doesn't make us feel any better - we are well aware of the (in many cases well-earned, sure) stereotype that the man wants it all the time and the woman is the withholder/gatekeeper...you're just making us feel worse and more alone.
Anyways OP I too am attractive, have not gained weight and did not turn him down a bunch or anything, and my husband seems largely uninterested. I think part of it is stress - when he gets stressed it just falls by the wayside for him. But that shouldn't explain a total lack of interest. It seems he's just low drive, and that sucks because sex has only become more important to me as I age. I wouldn't say porn addiction or anything but I do think my husband also got into the habit of a quick porn jerkoff because it was easier and quicker and he's just exhausted by the time he gets home. I dunno. Everyone will come on here and respond and tell me that's no excuse and doesn't make sense and they're never too tired or stressed for sex, and I will feel even worse / more hopeless
It’s so much more common than people think for the guy to be the one avoiding sex. It doesn’t compute with people's notions about male sexuality. You are not alone. It sucks and it can really kill your self-esteem.
Anonymous
03/07/2018 21:40
Subject: Husband does not initiate sex
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sometimes will comply when sex requested
Sometimes says no
Never seems interested
I’m at my wits end and sick of feeling rejected. Married 14 years, two kids. 38. Any ideas?
there is no way a man would not want sex from a healthy wife. it just is so rare. you need to up your game.
You contradict yourself and you're completely useless. -NP
Anonymous
03/07/2018 20:11
Subject: Husband does not initiate sex
Anonymous wrote:Sometimes will comply when sex requested
Sometimes says no
Never seems interested
I’m at my wits end and sick of feeling rejected. Married 14 years, two kids. 38. Any ideas?
there is no way a man would not want sex from a healthy wife. it just is so rare. you need to up your game.