OP listen to yourself! You’re acting like a puppy dog. You’re hoping that the OW’s marriage doesn’t blow up because then she’d be single and your husband could be with her?

You are doing all of the work, when he should be. You need to do the 180 ASAP. Read about it.

But first, figure out the finances. If they are complicated, you need to get his explanations/ printouts/ copies/ whatever, BEFORE you do the 180 or take any other action. If you tell him you’re done, or start acting cold, he might start hiding stuff right then. So get all the records first. Even if it means you need to be fake for a few days.

You feel like he’s leave you fur her if she were free, that she is a magnetic pull and you are doing so much work to keep him in your orbit.

Let go, Let HIM go. Focus in you, and getting your ducks in a row. When you stop talking about having a “wonderful second marriage” (PP was very insightful when they said that’s just as much a fantasy as the AP) and start expecting more for yourself, he might be jolted awake.

But love and optimism in the face of his unwillingness to put in the work - you’re going to be treading water for a long time, by yourself.

I could never live with a man who consistently desired someone else. Never.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you confronted the AP?

OP here -- no I have not. I don't want to. She won't care what I think, anyway. She just wants to stay attached to my husband.

you need to make sure her husband knows. Serously, that may be the ONLY way she and your DH cut ties. You cannot trust your DH. not at all. He is not over her. He is scared of losing his kids, not of losing you.

She might be single. If she's single, no confrontation is worth it.

OP here. The OW's husband knows and is trying to keep their marriage together. He probably doesn't know about her ongoing attempts to contact my husband and if he did know, that would likely be the last straw. So I have no incentive to engage OW or her husband, for fear of blowing up their marriage. And if theirs blows up, then that leaves her single and even more aggressive in pursuit of my husband. My best bet if for them to reconcile and go on with life, away from my family.

Op, I realize you have children together however, you deserve someone who will treat you better. You DO NOT deserve this. Please have the strength and courage to know that you are better being alone than with someone who is really not with you and wants someone else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you confronted the AP?

OP here -- no I have not. I don't want to. She won't care what I think, anyway. She just wants to stay attached to my husband.

you need to make sure her husband knows. Serously, that may be the ONLY way she and your DH cut ties. You cannot trust your DH. not at all. He is not over her. He is scared of losing his kids, not of losing you.

She might be single. If she's single, no confrontation is worth it.

OP here. The OW's husband knows and is trying to keep their marriage together. He probably doesn't know about her ongoing attempts to contact my husband and if he did know, that would likely be the last straw. So I have no incentive to engage OW or her husband, for fear of blowing up their marriage. And if theirs blows up, then that leaves her single and even more aggressive in pursuit of my husband. My best bet if for them to reconcile and go on with life, away from my family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you confronted the AP?

OP here -- no I have not. I don't want to. She won't care what I think, anyway. She just wants to stay attached to my husband.

you need to make sure her husband knows. Serously, that may be the ONLY way she and your DH cut ties. You cannot trust your DH. not at all. He is not over her. He is scared of losing his kids, not of losing you.

She might be single. If she's single, no confrontation is worth it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you confronted the AP?

OP here -- no I have not. I don't want to. She won't care what I think, anyway. She just wants to stay attached to my husband.

you need to make sure her husband knows. Serously, that may be the ONLY way she and your DH cut ties. You cannot trust your DH. not at all. He is not over her. He is scared of losing his kids, not of losing you.

You can’t control other people. Her DH is an adult and it’s up to him to live up to his promises—or not. I wouldn’t meddle by contacting the othe family. OP, focus on yourself. Your DH will either step up or not, and you can’t and shouldn’t do that work for him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you confronted the AP?

OP here -- no I have not. I don't want to. She won't care what I think, anyway. She just wants to stay attached to my husband.

you need to make sure her husband knows. Serously, that may be the ONLY way she and your DH cut ties. You cannot trust your DH. not at all. He is not over her. He is scared of losing his kids, not of losing you.

Stop being foolish and just leave.