Anonymous
Post 02/21/2018 13:47     Subject: What kinds of fights lead to divorce?
- Unresolved fights that happen again and again and don't get better

- Fights where mean insults are hurled

- Fights where neither party gives a little
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2018 13:24     Subject: What kinds of fights lead to divorce?
In the wake of this Trump disaster, I'm finding my husband has different values than I thought he had for 10 years. I don't think it was willful ignorance, I think he was either previously able to hid his white male fragility, or he really has changed. I am having a hard time rallying for intimacy since I find his beliefs so abhorrent. I don't know what to do since I dislike him so much now that I know he's racist and doesn't think he's racist. Leaving wouldn't even help because my kids would still be raised by him.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2018 12:41     Subject: What kinds of fights lead to divorce?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have come to believe that in typical marriages, meaning ones absent abuse, alcoholism, etc., fights don't lead to divorce. It's lack of sex. Which sounds ludicrous but it's really not. I have absolutely noticed that when sex is infrequent and sparse, my husband and I genuinely seem to like each other less. Tempers are shorter, things that are merely annoying seem massively problematic. When sex is regular, all of these things are mitigated. We are more forgiving, we are more closely connected.

It's when sex goes away that small issues mount up and seem impossible to work past. Most average, not abusive marriages that fall apart, I really do believe this, could have been saved had a regular sex life been maintained along the way.


+ 1,000,000,000


I agree. My husband withholds sex and when we do have it, he quickly is over and I get no pleasure. We have sex about 3 times a month and it's not miserable for me about once every 3rd or 4th time. It creates frustration and sadness.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2018 12:39     Subject: Re:What kinds of fights lead to divorce?
Anonymous wrote:Many marriages that end in divorce don't involve fighting. One or both partners becomes disengaged to the point of not caring enough to fight any more.


+1 My marriage ended not in a fight, but in resignation (on my side). I wasn't up for arguing, that ship had sailed. If someone says they got into a fight and then got a divorce I'd think they were pretty childish (unless the fighting involved physical abuse). Spouses fight all the time and make up. It's part of being a grown up.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2018 11:43     Subject: Re:What kinds of fights lead to divorce?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Many marriages that end in divorce don't involve fighting. One or both partners becomes disengaged to the point of not caring enough to fight any more.


Completely agree. And usually it is the woman who disengages, the man who thinks everything is fine because there is no fighting (as long as there is still some sex) and then gets blindsided by the divorce papers because he was too clueless to get a proper read on anything, or tuned out any concerns she tried to raise.


The commonly known as "walkaway wife syndrome"
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2018 11:29     Subject: What kinds of fights lead to divorce?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:what kind of fights?

The one where one play gets instantly defensive--is unable to take responsibility or to apologize, and shifts blame. Every Single Time.
Juvenile.
And the underlying issue never gets addressed. The player is too comfortable changing the subject, escalating things into fights, and blaming others for asking questions than to solve the actual problem.
Learned behavior from childhood. Highly linked to untreated ADD, getting defense, lying and covering up mistakes caused by being inattentive, unable to get it together.


clearly a woman posting this. How about you take some responsibility for your faults (sounds like you enjoy pathologizing your DH's everyday faults, which I'm sure he loves) and then you might find that he magically will take some responsibility for his.


he will magically take some responsibility for his faults!?! that must be some magic! he'd rather throw his whole marriage and kids away than admit his issues!
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2018 09:17     Subject: Re:What kinds of fights lead to divorce?
Anonymous wrote:Many marriages that end in divorce don't involve fighting. One or both partners becomes disengaged to the point of not caring enough to fight any more.


Completely agree. And usually it is the woman who disengages, the man who thinks everything is fine because there is no fighting (as long as there is still some sex) and then gets blindsided by the divorce papers because he was too clueless to get a proper read on anything, or tuned out any concerns she tried to raise.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2018 09:14     Subject: Re:What kinds of fights lead to divorce?
Anonymous wrote:Many marriages that end in divorce don't involve fighting. One or both partners becomes disengaged to the point of not caring enough to fight any more.


This X 1000
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2018 09:04     Subject: What kinds of fights lead to divorce?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:what kind of fights?

The one where one play gets instantly defensive--is unable to take responsibility or to apologize, and shifts blame. Every Single Time.
Juvenile.
And the underlying issue never gets addressed. The player is too comfortable changing the subject, escalating things into fights, and blaming others for asking questions than to solve the actual problem.
Learned behavior from childhood. Highly linked to untreated ADD, getting defense, lying and covering up mistakes caused by being inattentive, unable to get it together.


clearly a woman posting this. How about you take some responsibility for your faults (sounds like you enjoy pathologizing your DH's everyday faults, which I'm sure he loves) and then you might find that he magically will take some responsibility for his.


No, I agree with the PP. The defensiveness when confronted, inability to accept responsibility for actions, shifting blame, lying when caught are all things that confront our marriage too. When one spouse cannot express their frustration about an issue in the marriage without the other spouse countering with "well, I didn't like it when you did X....", it chips away at the marriage and weakens it.


Double agree
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2018 08:49     Subject: What kinds of fights lead to divorce?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:what kind of fights?

The one where one play gets instantly defensive--is unable to take responsibility or to apologize, and shifts blame. Every Single Time.
Juvenile.
And the underlying issue never gets addressed. The player is too comfortable changing the subject, escalating things into fights, and blaming others for asking questions than to solve the actual problem.
Learned behavior from childhood. Highly linked to untreated ADD, getting defense, lying and covering up mistakes caused by being inattentive, unable to get it together.


clearly a woman posting this. How about you take some responsibility for your faults (sounds like you enjoy pathologizing your DH's everyday faults, which I'm sure he loves) and then you might find that he magically will take some responsibility for his.


No, I agree with the PP. The defensiveness when confronted, inability to accept responsibility for actions, shifting blame, lying when caught are all things that confront our marriage too. When one spouse cannot express their frustration about an issue in the marriage without the other spouse countering with "well, I didn't like it when you did X....", it chips away at the marriage and weakens it.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2018 08:43     Subject: What kinds of fights lead to divorce?
Anonymous wrote:
I wasn't suggesting it was your fault. I was asking if you understand what motivated him to?


The only motivation most people who cheat need is opportunity.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2018 08:29     Subject: What kinds of fights lead to divorce?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He was cheating. Chronically. He was emotionally abusive.


Do you know what lead him to cheat?


He did it himself.


Of course. Can’t be any other reason he sought physical fulfillment elsewhere. Couldn’t be you withholding sex, or using it as a weapon or bargaining tool, you “deserving more” or simple lack of interest in your part, now could it?

Nope, not at all
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2018 08:12     Subject: What kinds of fights lead to divorce?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He was cheating. Chronically. He was emotionally abusive.


Do you know what lead him to cheat?


He did it himself.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2018 08:05     Subject: What kinds of fights lead to divorce?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He was cheating. Chronically. He was emotionally abusive.


This. And financially abusive. I picked wrong.


"financially abusive" what is that?


Haven't you heard? These days, anything a man does that a woman doesn't like gets labeled as some kind of abuse.

You get angry and raise your voice? That's verbal abuse
Try to ignore it and not say anything? That's emotional abuse
Spend your money in a way she doesn't agree? That's financial abuse
Ask her for sex more often than she wants it? That's sexual abuse
Try to get physical anyway? Of course, that's physical abuse. Also sexual abuse.
Likewise, don't give it to her as often as she wants. That's sexual deprivation...abuse
Call her out on her crazy? That's mental abuse..oh and, Gaslighting, but that's another thread
Tracking her social media because you don't trust her? That's...wait for it...I swear this is real... Technological abuse
Sending her text messages, expecting a response but getting nothing? That's Cyber abuse
Harassing her about an actual affair when you catch her? That's Psychological abuse
Telling her you wish she would eat healthy and maybe lose a few? Fat shaming, emotional abuse
Belittling her academic focus or worthless degree? That's academic abuse
Not being nice to her in public if, for example, she is drunk and flirting with other men? That's Social abuse
Driving too fast with her in the car? That's Environmental abuse, or maybe, Vehicular abuse if it's her car.

I could probably write 50 more, but you get the idea. Feel free to add to the list if you like. Remember, every interaction with a man that a woman finds unpleasant these days is surely some kind of abuse.

Bitter, delusional MRA trolls on this thread...



OMG, are you me? This is almost word for word my STBXW and her antics. Women are insane.
Anonymous
Post 02/21/2018 07:58     Subject: Re:What kinds of fights lead to divorce?
Many marriages that end in divorce don't involve fighting. One or both partners becomes disengaged to the point of not caring enough to fight any more.