Anonymous
Post 02/04/2018 12:15     Subject: I want my parents to get rid of junk so I don’t have to!
Anonymous wrote:Don’t confuse people with things. Your memories of people are not the same thing as their stuff. Keep one or two tokens and then toss or donate the rest.


People die and they take their memories with them. If you want your kids to have a connection to past generations you really do need to keep some pictures, medals, etc.

Old coffee makers, toasters, throw rugs, coffee mugs, tube t.vs, vcrs, video tapes...toss/donate/sell.

Anonymous
Post 02/04/2018 12:15     Subject: Re:I want my parents to get rid of junk so I don’t have to!
Anonymous wrote:My parents are the opposite. I moved out of their house when I was 19 and could take only a couple of bags with me because I moved by train (it wasn't in the U.S.) Immediately after I left, they through away or donated the stuff I left behind - my clothes, my childhood collections, the notebooks with the poems and short stories I wrote, my school report cards, all of the Christmas toys, etc. I still can't understand that and fully forgive them, but they see no wrong in what they did. They don't care about anything that belonged to their parents or children. I guess all of those things were just clutter to them that they had to dispose of. They don't have much stuff of their own either - easily dispose of it too.


Sounds like you and your parents have different styles of being in the world. If you have your own kids, this might be a good conversation to have as they are approaching the age to leave the house.

It's always good to remember that love for a person isn't equivalent to attachment to their items, although some people express and understand love that way, too. It's hard if you expect to be loved in a way that isn't the way those you are intimate with express love.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2018 12:09     Subject: Re:I want my parents to get rid of junk so I don’t have to!
My parents are the opposite. I moved out of their house when I was 19 and could take only a couple of bags with me because I moved by train (it wasn't in the U.S.) Immediately after I left, they through away or donated the stuff I left behind - my clothes, my childhood collections, the notebooks with the poems and short stories I wrote, my school report cards, all of the Christmas toys, etc. I still can't understand that and fully forgive them, but they see no wrong in what they did. They don't care about anything that belonged to their parents or children. I guess all of those things were just clutter to them that they had to dispose of. They don't have much stuff of their own either - easily dispose of it too.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2018 11:43     Subject: I want my parents to get rid of junk so I don’t have to!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Perhaps your parents can leave some extra money in their will(s) specifically to pay a company to clean out their house after they pass on.

That would be the best option in my opinion.


It’s an expense of the estate. Handled and paid before any distributions can be made.


I am all for this. I am also all for people who plan for the estate to take care of it, to first (now) get and actual estimate of cost. This can run into the tens of thousands of dollars, and more.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2018 11:41     Subject: I want my parents to get rid of junk so I don’t have to!
pp here. She even goes so far as to say "even if you don't live here, you can just keep it and everything in it as a vacation home!" No way does anyone "vacation " where I grew up, plus it is 6 hours of flights plus another 2 hr drive from here.

Plus I just can't maintain the house, pay taxes on it, etc.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2018 11:41     Subject: I want my parents to get rid of junk so I don’t have to!
Anonymous wrote:Perhaps your parents can leave some extra money in their will(s) specifically to pay a company to clean out their house after they pass on.

That would be the best option in my opinion.


It’s an expense of the estate. Handled and paid before any distributions can be made.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2018 11:38     Subject: I want my parents to get rid of junk so I don’t have to!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Similar situation here. My FIL is going on and on about how his house could sell for a ton of money and tells us the comps for houses nearby! So, I looked and told him about house for sale nearby, and he told me I am looking forward to money from his house! NOT. His house doesn't have a single functioning bathroom, seriously, for over 20 years now! He showers on top of wooden planks and under is disguising dirt and mold and just sickening! All of his kids and in laws are dreading having to fix that mess because house is disgusting and would need ton of money to sell. What we are all thinking is the disaster we will have to deal, and we all honestly wish he would fix it, sell it and move to a smaller condo like place while he can and use the money if he ends up with extra for himself. Not to mention whole downstairs packed with rubbish, literarily piles of nobody knows what and gross cigar smell everywhere. I own two condos in addition to our large house and I am eyeing his decrepit house?!


My mom refuses to talk about selling, fixing up, or cleaning out house because she thinks I should move back to my hometown because it is so much better (in her mind) than DC someday and it will be so "comfortable" for me to be in a house that's falling apart surrounded by piles of "familiar" crap. She doesn't realize how much money needs to be poured into the house to make it liveable nor does she realize that there are literally no jobs in my hometown that we can do.


So they are all similar? He has no idea how much anything costs to fix. Plus DH and I had offered many time to help him fix it, and he refuses.


My mom refuses too. In her mind, the house is fine, these are just little tiny fixes (they're not--like major plumbing, filling or re-doing the pool, etc) we'll do later when we inevitably come back and I wear her piles of clothes and I residcover the piles of barbies she saved (for who, I don't know. I have a boy.)
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2018 11:32     Subject: I want my parents to get rid of junk so I don’t have to!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Similar situation here. My FIL is going on and on about how his house could sell for a ton of money and tells us the comps for houses nearby! So, I looked and told him about house for sale nearby, and he told me I am looking forward to money from his house! NOT. His house doesn't have a single functioning bathroom, seriously, for over 20 years now! He showers on top of wooden planks and under is disguising dirt and mold and just sickening! All of his kids and in laws are dreading having to fix that mess because house is disgusting and would need ton of money to sell. What we are all thinking is the disaster we will have to deal, and we all honestly wish he would fix it, sell it and move to a smaller condo like place while he can and use the money if he ends up with extra for himself. Not to mention whole downstairs packed with rubbish, literarily piles of nobody knows what and gross cigar smell everywhere. I own two condos in addition to our large house and I am eyeing his decrepit house?!


My mom refuses to talk about selling, fixing up, or cleaning out house because she thinks I should move back to my hometown because it is so much better (in her mind) than DC someday and it will be so "comfortable" for me to be in a house that's falling apart surrounded by piles of "familiar" crap. She doesn't realize how much money needs to be poured into the house to make it liveable nor does she realize that there are literally no jobs in my hometown that we can do.


So they are all similar? He has no idea how much anything costs to fix. Plus DH and I had offered many time to help him fix it, and he refuses.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2018 11:26     Subject: I want my parents to get rid of junk so I don’t have to!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Similar situation here. My FIL is going on and on about how his house could sell for a ton of money and tells us the comps for houses nearby! So, I looked and told him about house for sale nearby, and he told me I am looking forward to money from his house! NOT. His house doesn't have a single functioning bathroom, seriously, for over 20 years now! He showers on top of wooden planks and under is disguising dirt and mold and just sickening! All of his kids and in laws are dreading having to fix that mess because house is disgusting and would need ton of money to sell. What we are all thinking is the disaster we will have to deal, and we all honestly wish he would fix it, sell it and move to a smaller condo like place while he can and use the money if he ends up with extra for himself. Not to mention whole downstairs packed with rubbish, literarily piles of nobody knows what and gross cigar smell everywhere. I own two condos in addition to our large house and I am eyeing his decrepit house?!


My mom refuses to talk about selling, fixing up, or cleaning out house because she thinks I should move back to my hometown because it is so much better (in her mind) than DC someday and it will be so "comfortable" for me to be in a house that's falling apart surrounded by piles of "familiar" crap. She doesn't realize how much money needs to be poured into the house to make it liveable nor does she realize that there are literally no jobs in my hometown that we can do.


The funny thing is my grandma is the opposite of my mom. She moved out of her house, got rid of junk, put it up for rent, and moved to a 1BR ground-floor apartment when she realized she was getting older. My mom is exactly opposite.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2018 11:24     Subject: I want my parents to get rid of junk so I don’t have to!
Don’t confuse people with things. Your memories of people are not the same thing as their stuff. Keep one or two tokens and then toss or donate the rest.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2018 11:23     Subject: I want my parents to get rid of junk so I don’t have to!
Anonymous wrote:Similar situation here. My FIL is going on and on about how his house could sell for a ton of money and tells us the comps for houses nearby! So, I looked and told him about house for sale nearby, and he told me I am looking forward to money from his house! NOT. His house doesn't have a single functioning bathroom, seriously, for over 20 years now! He showers on top of wooden planks and under is disguising dirt and mold and just sickening! All of his kids and in laws are dreading having to fix that mess because house is disgusting and would need ton of money to sell. What we are all thinking is the disaster we will have to deal, and we all honestly wish he would fix it, sell it and move to a smaller condo like place while he can and use the money if he ends up with extra for himself. Not to mention whole downstairs packed with rubbish, literarily piles of nobody knows what and gross cigar smell everywhere. I own two condos in addition to our large house and I am eyeing his decrepit house?!


My mom refuses to talk about selling, fixing up, or cleaning out house because she thinks I should move back to my hometown because it is so much better (in her mind) than DC someday and it will be so "comfortable" for me to be in a house that's falling apart surrounded by piles of "familiar" crap. She doesn't realize how much money needs to be poured into the house to make it liveable nor does she realize that there are literally no jobs in my hometown that we can do.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2018 11:23     Subject: Re:I want my parents to get rid of junk so I don’t have to!
This is one of the reasons I am encouraging my mother to downsize. Moving to a smaller place on a single level with no yard and minimal maintenance would be a good thing, and the significantly reduced storage space would force her to get rid of stuff.

I had to move my grandmother from house to apartment to smaller assisted living apartment to nursing home and while it got easier each time it was a time consuming challenge.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2018 11:22     Subject: I want my parents to get rid of junk so I don’t have to!
Anonymous wrote:What happens when both you and your spouse each inherit about 50 boxes of medals and bibles from both sides since you're the only kids? It's just too much crap to display.



You keep a few things and get rid of the rest.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2018 11:18     Subject: I want my parents to get rid of junk so I don’t have to!
My borderline hoarder mom finally started sorting through old photos and organizing them. We were thrilled. Turns out her breast cancer had returned but she didn’t tell us for a few months, and then she passed away not long after we found out. Be careful what you wish for, I guess.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2018 11:16     Subject: I want my parents to get rid of junk so I don’t have to!
Similar situation here. My FIL is going on and on about how his house could sell for a ton of money and tells us the comps for houses nearby! So, I looked and told him about house for sale nearby, and he told me I am looking forward to money from his house! NOT. His house doesn't have a single functioning bathroom, seriously, for over 20 years now! He showers on top of wooden planks and under is disguising dirt and mold and just sickening! All of his kids and in laws are dreading having to fix that mess because house is disgusting and would need ton of money to sell. What we are all thinking is the disaster we will have to deal, and we all honestly wish he would fix it, sell it and move to a smaller condo like place while he can and use the money if he ends up with extra for himself. Not to mention whole downstairs packed with rubbish, literarily piles of nobody knows what and gross cigar smell everywhere. I own two condos in addition to our large house and I am eyeing his decrepit house?!